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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

@kann I was showing my wife your humerus x-rays and said, “do you know what type of fracture this is, don’t you?“

Her: “No, what?“

“well,it’s not funny, but this...”

her: “oh no”

“is 100%....”

her: “why are you like this..”

“a bone-a-fide fracture”

there was a heavier sigh than normal jokes after that one, almost like the wind got knocked out of her. I think I won
 
Did you know that William Shatner is discontinuing his line of women's lingerie?

Apparently, Shatner Panties was not a good name for their selection.
 
Thoughts said:
@kann I was showing my wife your humerus x-rays and said, “do you know what type of fracture this is, don’t you?“

Her: “No, what?“

“well,it’s not funny, but this...”

her: “oh no”

“is 100%....”

her: “why are you like this..”

“a bone-a-fide fracture”

there was a heavier sigh than normal jokes after that one, almost like the wind got knocked out of her. I think I won
Click to expand...

Well, she's right. That wasn't even the slightest bit humerus...
 
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.
 
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars were demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!” The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn't break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman.
The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police!

Some years ago Adam ate the apple. Men will never learn...
 
Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However, after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once
you're screwed...


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the
stomach and say, "Congrats."

But, none of them comes up to the man- touch his penis
and say, "Good Job"

Moral of the story -- “Hard“ work is rarely appreciated.


Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine
was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband....

😂😂😂
 
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