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5 years and still a newb! Comment contest!

Nashkicker

Kick Ass Duke
Joined
Apr 19, 2009
Messages
1,834
Celebrated my 5 year anniversary here on CigarPass yesterday with some cigars, cider, and food with my best bud Austen (Set-In_Stone). Enjoyed and Tat Black CG, and a Padron Panatella maduro.

To give back to the community that has taught me so much I would like to offer an easy contest. All you have to do is post up a comment(quoted) made here on CP that speaks to you. It can be anything educational, inspirational, funny, sad, goochtastic, asshaterrific, or just about anything Gary has ever posted!It just needs to have struck a chord with you in some way. Along with the quoted comment a link to the original thread might be good if you think that it might be suggested reading. Contest will close Saturday April 26th at noon(EST). Eligible entries will be thrown into a hat and drawn randomly by my daughter.

Contest is open to all active members including newbs who have posted an intro.

Good luck and thanks to you all!
 
Infinity said:
The best I've had is a Padron Millenium. I've only smoked one and have some more stashed away for later. I have some high dollar cigars but not too many "rare" ones. I guess one of the few rare ones that I'm actually scared to put flame to is an OR Anejo Shark.
Are you kidding, light the fugger up now to celebrate life.
cool.gif
Who are you keeping them for, your son? They will taste like shit in 15 to 25 years time.I smoke, my best cigars all the time. Live in the moment guys.Brian
This struck a huge chord with me Jim! Still does to this day. Brian was not just a mentor to me on how to live by the rules and pay it forward mentality of CigarPass, but also a mentor on how to change and live my life. He left us less than two months after posting the above........ Every once in a while I need a reminder, but for the most part I live every day, love my children/family, drink my best beer, smoke my best cigars, and pay it forward like it may be my last day.

I hope he's watching me, and is there at the end to tell me "Well done!".
 
Congrats on the milestone Jim! I saw your celebration post on Facebook, and it looked like a great time.
 
One of the best things I like about Cigar Pass was exemplified in a thread titled, "Frothy Scrotorum?!?!". It was just a bomb notice from the recipient, but it combined what I like from Cigar Pass: generosity and a ribald sense of humor. It wasn't a big discussion thread, but I laughed at the title and the posting was a microcosm of what I like about CP.
 
JHawk said:
Someone by that name has sent me a nice package of smokes...a few favorites plus a tasty looking unbanded stick!
Thank you for the nice surprise, much appreciated!
 
Infinity said:
 
The best I've had is a Padron Millenium. I've only smoked one and have some more stashed away for later. I have some high dollar cigars but not too many "rare" ones. I guess one of the few rare ones that I'm actually scared to put flame to is an OR Anejo Shark.
Are you kidding, light the fugger up now to celebrate life.
cool.gif
Who are you keeping them for, your son? They will taste like shit in 15 to 25 years time.I smoke, my best cigars all the time. Live in the moment guys.Brian
Jim, congrats to our favorite Kick Ass Duke!  I'm inclined to say "Read more and post less" but that's more of a mantra than anything, so I'll second John's quote.  Brian's advice is no doubt the best ever given here.  I try to live up to it.
 
Congrats on your five years Nash. One of my favs is Doc giving advice to a new member:
 
http://www.cigarpass.com/forumsipb/topic/75350-5-vegas-sticks-wont-stay-lit/?hl=%2Bdevil+%2Bdoc#entry1159810
 
Devil Doc said:
A lot of people around here subscribe to the notion you should smoke what you like; like what you smoke. I don't. I don't let noobs smoke crap if I can help it. Unless you're hopelessly addicted to nicotine there's no good reason to smoke cheap cigars. Life's to short. Buy some Padrons or something similar. Stay away from the bargain brands offered by internet vendors. Find a good B$M and check out what the experienced cigar smokers around here are enjoying.
 
Doc
 
Here are a couple, both by SamClemmons (Neal).  I was going to link the entire Bill Clinton thread, but I thought better.
 
SamClemmons said:
Thanks folks. I was sitting here thinking of something wise ass to say as per surfer dudes request and it occured to me. God, 47 is really old. You know you're old when you're trying to think of things that you can still do that you used to do. And while I'm still virile, handsome, strong, clever, agile and smart... there are consequences to what you do in high school, college and the military. My hands hurt all the time, my knees are getting tricky, I have a torn rotator in my right shoulder that can't be scoped and my hearing is going south.
I will no longer climb ladders over 10 feet since my ability to bounce is gone. All night fun fests with the wife consist of a brief encounter in the shower (with or without her) then a few beers and a cigar in front of the TV watching old movies till three A.M. I still split 3 cords of wood every year but what used to take a weekend now takes two weeks (the reason for this, I'm sure, is due to global warming which makes the wood harder and more sinewy... seriously!) I walk/run my dogs twice a day every day 2 miles at a pop.
Now you're asking yourself, "What the hell does this have to do with being old?" My reply to this is, "Not a thing." Just thought I'd make you housebound youngsters feel guilty about the sedentary lifestyles you may be leading. So... the young guys are saying, "47? God you're old", and the old guys are saying, "47? That's not so old." Let me tell you someting Old Guys, you are wrong. And to you Young Guys, here's hoping that you can reach the venerable old age of 47 with HALF the style and grace as I have. It's not like you have a choice, you have to work with what you have.
biggrin.gif


Moke, addy in profile. :sign:

Time for my nap. Ta ta.
NA
 
 
 
SamClemmons said:
 
You think you got problems. I live with an old bat nurse, who doesn't believe any cockamamie stories about a generous person, who shares a name with a test for syphilis. I suspect there won't be any nursing going on around here for some time.

Doc.
Oh puhlease. My wife cooks dinner for me every night and breakfast on the weekends. "Oh my" you say, "what a lucky guy" you continue. "It ain't like that" say I. It's insidious I tell you. She is a world class bad cook and I mean the absolute worst. See? She does it just to dare me to say something about it or, God forbid, not eat it. I'm over there fangin' down the most atrocious and revolting fare ever to be ruined on the stove and she's watching with that venomous little sneer on her face, poised and coiled and mentally working out her 2 hour speach about how ungrateful I am mostly to ruin and use up my cigar and reading time. Aaaand she's like, ubber successful and obscenely compensated and she only did THAT to rub my nose in it. So don't come to me with your silly "old bat nurse" schtick. Hah! Did I mention she's hot too? That's right, and won't give me no action neither. Don't bother people that have real problems Doc.

NA
 
 
 
 
SamClemmons said:
Stalker! I don't know how many times I have to say this but here it is one more time before I get a restraining order. Brian, I was happilly married till you started this nonsense... well sorta, I love my wife but she doesn't like me very much. She bought me a Sony PRS-505 in an effort to curb interaction between us and ecourages my cigar habit, thinking, and rightly so, that I shut up in a general sort of way when I'm smoking one. But I digress, your gifts (sweet and simple ones at first) have grown in complexity to the point of emasculation. My wife thinks I'm out spending money and won't believe that I'm a victim of a stalker. The first words out of her mouth are "now what did you buy?", her next words are "here, have a cigar (plugs one into my gop) let me light that for you, where's your book? Why don't you go read?" To which I respond, "Hi". Anyway, STOP IT.
Thanks.
Have a cigar.
Where's your book?
Why don't you go read.

NA
 
All good ones so far. I'm still hoping someone will come in with something I haven't read yet!
 
How about this? Have you read this one before?

bombtek said:
Anonymous story

Why I stopped using my cellphone in the bathroom

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over 48 hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of ass cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell.


As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for the wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:


1. Occupied.


2. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.


3. **** smeared on seat.


4. **** and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.


5. No toilet paper, no stall door, something growing near base of toilet.


Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped the trousers and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful ****ter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.


I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. ****ter was blathering to Mrs. ****ter about the ****ty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My ass let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.


Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.


Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:


(1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.


It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.


"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"


Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.


Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up...in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids...love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.


Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My ****-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.


There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.


After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.


As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.


I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my shamefulness to my anonymous ****-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to **** in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in a bathroom. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.
__________________
 
Nashkicker said:
 
You get what you give!

Chive On!
 
There are alot of great quotes out there, but this^^^ about sums it up :)
 
Chive on and congrats on the 5 years...
 
John that is one of the funniest f@cking things I have ever read. My stomach hurts and I am crying...
 
And the winner is Jfields! Congrats brother pm me your address and I'll get something out to you this week.
 
How awesome is that! Thanks again Jim and the last five years has been a pleasure to have you share this with. Not only that, but you brought a good guy like Austen around as well (He's been too inactive as of late  :whistling:).
 
I'm stoked at my good fortune! I can't remember the last time I won a contest.  :cool:
 
Soooo bummed I missed this. Crap!

I was just looking at thread about lighters and created a scene at the coffee shop I'm at. Total outburst laugh. Made the lady next to me jump.

The thread was titled, "What do you light your smokes with?"

tomthirtysix said:
I ring a bell and MoeCizlak comes out from his box with a picture of Elittle set on fire. He then holds that up to my smoke of choice.
I'm still giggling. Quality cyber humor right there!

*Edit: spelling
 
Got a REALLY nice prize pack in the mail from Jim yesterday, and just got to open this evening when I got home. Everytime I thought I was done there was something else!

Thanks bro! Really glad your little girl picked me. Congrats again on the anny!
 
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