And, continuing the dementia....
Any of you Bob Dobbs ilk know that tomorrow is The Feast of St. Klaatu. In the spirit of that upcoming feast day, here's something from my fellow Bay Area (sub)geniuses....
I've been using this piece to annoy folks for decades now.
Okay. We're 10-8. And the number is 180 and the
letter is G. There is no other possibility. And
all you slimy fruitcakes in San Francisco are
going to learn how to get to 180 and the letter G.
I repeat, there is no other possibility. There is
no other possib-- The number is 180 and the letter
is G. The first thing you have to do to get over
to 180 and the letter G is to get into your
vehicle and head East. I repeat, you have to head
East, over the bridge. But before you get onto the
bridge, around one big turn, you'll come up to the
place where the sex chemicals burned up. I repeat,
where the sex chemicals burned up. And of course
you all must have heard about that on News Center
Four...
On your way to 180 and the letter G. And
now we're on the bridge. That's nothing very much,
but when you get on the other side of the bridge
on your way to 180 and the letter G, you'll notice
two things. First of all it's very important that
you turn on your AM radio. Set it to 1010 on your
dial, and let the radio frequency energy from
K-101 overload your little tuner until it distorts
very highly. And right at the point of that
extreme distortion, there's the big chairs. I'm
not exactly sure, but I think that's where all the
sewer water from Oakland goes.
And then, by then, you'll be out of all that distortion,
and you'll be looking East, toward the hills, and if it's at
night, you'll see the little red lights flashing
on my favorite ham radio repeater station --
that's WR6 Automatic Bowel Movement. And any of
you who are into jamming, keep talking, keep
jamming, because I'll be listening on my scanner
radio, and just maybe...you'll be on the next
album. You come up to the tunnel. And now we're
coming up to the tunnel. Up to the tunnel. And
then as you get into the tunnel, you'll start to
sense something. And then about halfway through
the tunnel, something will suddenly hit you. You
won't sense it a lot until you get almost through
to the other side. You'll realize right then and
there that you're entering Contra-Costa County.
It's hard to explain [hard to explain, hard to
explain] , but you feel a certain way when you get
into Contra-Costa County on your way to 180 and
the letter G. There is absolutely no other
possibility. And then you're gonna whisk out, out
of the tunnel on the East side, in Contra-Costa
County, where it's about 40 degrees warmer and the
humidity is about 15 percent, and you'll just stay
on that freeway all the way until you get to
Martinez. When you're up to Martinez, you'll see a
sign, a sign that says `G.' And you're just gonna
go right on up there in your little vehicle and
you're gonna turn left onto G. On the left hand
side of the street is the A&W root beer place, and
on the right side is another little place where
you're gonna go later on in the story: Safe
Muffins. Now that you're on G, you're just gonna
keep right on going up G, heading West on G, all
the way to the top of the hill, and that's where
180 is. Right up there at the top. And just before
you get to the top of the hill, you'll notice the
green slime oozing out from under the house at 180
and the letter G. And of course, it had to be
true, you just gotta go right back down to Safe
Muffins and shoplift. I repeat, you're gonna have
to shoplift the HR Steam Cleaning System from Safe
Muffins. The only way you're gonna be able to do
it successfully is to become invisible. And then
when you're totally invisible, you'll just creep
right on into Safe Muffins, and thereyou'll see
it: The HR Steam Cleaning System. And then you'll
realize that you're gonna have to get it up the
street to 180 very quickly, so you whisk your
Steam Cleaning System right back up G all the way
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/AivT ]
to 180. You go right up to the front door and you
push the button. The door opens automatically, and
the first thing you see is the orange carpet
inside 180...and you'll see the dog juice, the
horrible dog juice all over the orange carpet at
180 and the letter G. You're just gonna march
right on into G, there, with your HR Steam
Cleaning System, go all the way back into the
kitchen, where the Mr. Coffee Coffee-amker has
your hot water. Your hot water, ready to pour into
your HR Steam Cleaning System. So you go in there
and get your HR Steam Cleaner all fired up, and
you bring it on out into the living room and you
take care of all the dog juice on the orange
carpet at 18 and the letter G. "I think I'd like
to have a cigarette now. Where are my cigarettes,
David?" ``They're on top of the refrigerator.''
"David, I'd like to know what you did with my
cigarettes." ``They're under the house.'' "My
cigarettes are missing, David. I'd like to smoke.
What did you do with them?" ``They're in the toad
cage.'' "David, I'd like to have a cigarette right
now bu tI can't find the package. I put them on
the table and they're not there. Did you take
them?" ``I think we may have left them up at
Grandma's house.'' "My mother doesn't smoke,
David. What did you do with my cigarettes?" ``I
told you, they're on top of the refrigerator.'' "I
loo ked on top of the refrigerator. They aren't
there. will you please tell me what you did with
my cigarettes?" ``Maybe you left them in the
car.'' "I haven't been in the car all day. You
must have put them somewhere and I can't find
them. You better tell me now or I'm going to
really get mad." ``Oh yeah, I think I know where
they are. They're in back of the TV set, where all
the parakeet feathers are.'' As you're cleaning
the orange carpet, there'll be a voice that says:
"FETCH MY CIGARETTES." Another voice will say:
``THEY'RE ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR.'' And then
of course you've forgotten completely about the
green slime. And you'll realize that the only way
to get rid of the green slime is to go back down,
down the stairs, down to the basement of 180 and
the letter G, where you'll find a bottle of
Formula 409. You'll get that 409 up there real
quick, and go outside to the mailbox of 180 where
the green slime and all the ants are oozing out
onto the sidewalk, and you'll spray it with all
your might as hard as you can on that goddamn
green slime. And then you'll have gotten all that
horrible stuff. There are gonna be? toads under
the house, and they'll be saying, "Herbiss,
herbiss, under the house, spray me with the 409,
herbiss." That's what the toads are gonna say to
you. They won't croak, they'll actually say that.
When you're at G...and 180. By then you'll realize
that you're gonna have to take your HR Steam
Cleaning System back down to Safe Muffins. And
before you can do it, you'll of course have to
become invisible once again. You'll take your HR
steam cleaning system, which you shoplifted from
Safe Muffins, you'll put it back in for somebody
else to use, at some other number, some other
letter, somewhere in another dimension. And it'll
be time for you to head back to San Francisco,
'cause if you don't, you'll never leave
Contra-Costa county. You'll get back in your
vehicle, and you'll go in reverse, in reverse
gear, using your rear-view mirror, all the way
back down the freeway, past Pleasant Hill,
Lafayette, and Orinda. You'll go back through the
tunnel, and you're gonna get back on the other
side of the hills, there, through the tunnel,
right past the ham radio repeater, and you'll
whisk down that hill at 90 miles an hour. You'll
get into the appropriate lanes, on your way from
180 and the letter G, back into San Francisco.
Back past K101 and the big chairs, which remind
you of the sewer gas back on G, where you could
become invisible. Not really sure if Oakland sewer
gas can do it as well as Martinez sewer gas. And
you're on the bridge now, heading West, into the
fog, the high fog, I repeat: fog never touches the
ground in California, it's always so damn high.
And you get across, and you look back to where the
sex chemicals were made, and finally you get back
into your sewer pipe, and disappear down into the
sewers of San Francisco, and you know that you'll
never ever want to come out to 180 and the letter
G, ever again. And in that sorry situation, I
think it's just about time we went 10-7. I'm
getting that feeling now. Deep within the sewer
pipes by now. You'll never find your way out.
You'll never want to find your way out. We're
10-7. Out.
AND.....
The brilliance that prompted Bono to sue, sue, sue
These Guys Are From England and who gives a shit...
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