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Adventures in Orthopaedics!

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Joined
Apr 29, 2011
Messages
10,588
I figured I'd just make a post about it since I'm getting a bunch of PMs, and typing one-handed isn't as easy as Brad made it out to be... As a lot of you know, my dumb ass found a way to break my arm on Saturday night (live on the v-herf!), requiring a woken wife, an ambulance ride, surgery, and pain -- most of which I'm sure will be inflicted by you loves. Here's the official story:

There were NO 99s involved. I had that first one early in my evening, and then (and I'm letting out a secret here) I, uhhhh, well... faked the rest of them. Yup, chugging from empty bottles. This was me RESPECTING the 99, knowing that I'd have to hobble my ass in later in the morning and make it up the stairs without killing myself. If I knew then what I know now, I'd have made those shots count. So, as everyone on the v-herf heard, my dog was barking like an asshole at 0400. I turned off the camera to let him inside to spare everyone the spectacle of me uprighting myself and getting in a condition where I can walk; It's not a pretty sight. I wobbled over to the door and let him inside. As I was turning back to return to my chair, my toe caught on one of the paver tiles, and I guess I reached backward to try and balance myself on the door behind me. That's about the last clear thing I remember until I was on the ground. I initially thought I dislocated the shoulder somehow -- it was just a weird, freak accident. I mean, after all the hard hits I've taken in falls, I'm going to injure myself this way?

I recall my phone ringing, but it was in my left pocket and I couldn't reach it in time with my right hand -- Sorry, Hayden. Luckily I did have my phone, and my wife picked up right away when I called her. To her credit, she stayed calmer than I expected her to be. She was either too tired to care, or she was just happy the limb was still attached this time. Either/or. She called an ambulance, and relative the the amount of pain I was in, they arrived quickly. They immediately started an IV with glorious fentanyl, and got me upright without causing any more pain to my arm. These dudes were serious pro's; I wish I knew who they were because I'd send them christmas cards. When he stood me up, I instantly got that overheated, instant forehead sweat, nausea feeling and told him I needed to sit down. They brought out the stretcher and wheeled me away, thankfully without lights or sirens on our street. When we got to the hospital, I had my jacket off by this point. I'm not sure what he could see, but when I told the doctor that I thought it was dislocated, he literally laughed out loud (in a nice way). A quick x-ray later, and it was confirmed that I'm an asshole who should not be allowed out without supervision. Broken humerus.

A surgeon was called in, and he went over what would need to be done: basically an aggressively invasive, yet relatively routine ortho surgery placing a plate on the fracture. Not my first rodeo, doc; let's get to it! My wife had to leave, and I'll be honest... all I wanted was a sip of water or an ice chip at this point. My mouth and throat were so friggin' dry, and I hadn't eaten anything since about 2200 the previous evening (we're pushing 0900 or so at this point). Nope. Not with looming surgery, Mr. Kann! By now I'm swimming in so many pain meds it's all a bit blurry. I dont' remember texting my wife to tell her I was on the way down to the operating theater, but apparently we had a quick conversation about it. Pre-op went quickly, and the last thing before I awoke was the nurse holding the mask telling me that the anesthetic is flowing, and to take two deep breaths. I guess I was in recovery longer than expected, asleep more than awake. Apparently at one point I asked for or was offered an ice pop, because I had one in my hand when I awoke one time. I figured I shouldn't let it go to waste, so I continued to suckle on it's soothing juices until I passed out again. I was eventually up and well enough to be brought back to my room, where they placed a call to my wife for me. I don't really remember the conversation, but she says we talked, so I believe her. Pain wasn't so bad, but the worst part was not being able to sleep. I'd close my eyes and feel like I must have been out for hours, when it was literally two or three minutes. I did not get any restorative sleep the first day or day and a half. I thought I'd be going home Monday, but the doc vetoed it at the eleventh hour due to low blood count. I asked them that night for something to help me sleep, so they stuck me in the ass with morphine. Hey, whatever works... and it did.

I met my surgeon again yesterday morning before release, and I had a much clearer head to talk and ask questions and process information. He said the surgery was much more difficult than he anticipated, because I have a lot of muscle in my shoulder and arm that he had to disconnect to get to the fracture, and then reconnect when done. Because of this, I lost a goodly amount of blood; he said around 2 liters. I'm not big on the metric system, but I'm pretty sure that's a lot. We discussed the possible drawbacks and side-effects of surgery the morning I came in. It was all the standard stuff, but we really weren't doing anything that isn't done on a pretty regular basis, if I have to be honest. He said he had to make me aware of the possibilities, but didn't expect any major issues. Yesterday when he was having me show him I had 100% ROM and sensation in my left hand, he said (in typical Dutch directness), "I did not expect that". Glad to hear that AFTER the fact.

So, here we are. I've been banned from smoking for at least six weeks until the bone heals, so no cigars for me for a while. The pain is currently manageable, and I'm hoping it stays that way. I want to try to take part in the v-herfs on Saturday nights, but we'll have to take it week by week. I won't be able to smoke, of course, but I'll also be warm inside while you dorks are freezing outside in winter. I think that answers all the questions of "what happened?". If I missed anything, fire away and I'll do my best to answer. Thanks to the v-herf guys who were updating everyone on my behalf.

Sorry, these are going to come up sideways...

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Okay enough about you, in the other post you mentioned student nurses? These are the pics we get?

just glad your back home and seems things went well with the surgery. Hopefully you’ll be able to join the vherf as and we can discuss all things related to bbq.
 
Glad you made it home! Get well and stock up on cigars so you can catch up in six weeks.
 
Glad to hear you’re doing better buddy. We were worried about you, till we found out you didn’t lose an arm, at that point we lost hope in you becoming an android. All seriousness though, glad you are doing better. Thanks for telling me you ‘faked the 99 shots’ to make me feel better, sure ya did 😉
 
Christ Almighty! Those pictures are hard to look at, especially with no hot nurse ass in sight. I can't even imagine the pain you experienced! Here's hoping you feel better and get back to normal soon!
 
Glad it all turned out well...except for the cigar sabbatical.

The Dad Jokes thread makes more sense now.
 
Man, speedy recovery to you! And uh yeah...what everyone else said about the nurses... 😄
 
Glad the surgery went well. I know 6 weeks without cigars is a tough one but perhaps those nurses can find a way to compensate somehow 😉
 
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