Calling Eqwhipped!

Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
4,816
Well well well, what do we have here? This can’t be correct!? Steve is on the nice list? I swear, since COVID hit I haven’t been able to find decent help. These damn elves will put anyone on the list…

Coal for you, plain and simple. I suppose I could drop something off for the wife and kids while I’m there. Santa is getting old. Help me remember, what are their names and what do they like?

Speaking of getting old, my geographical awareness isn’t what it used to be. Be a good boy and show me on your hand where I am supposed to deliver all this crap..

Anywho.. Mrs. Claus has been hitting the eggnog and I need to go determine which list she’s on tonight, if you know what I mean 😉

Ho Ho Ho and what not.
Merry Cridmas, @Eqwhipped
 

CBoukal

Impeached Staff Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2011
Messages
5,512
Very nice Santa, once you are done with Ms Claus, make sure you treat Steven right!!!
 

Eqwhipped

whiskey is the flower of my people.
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
1,891
On my honor I thought you were dead! Well this is awkward and I need to give you back your suit and boots and underwear... scratch that. Throw away the underwear you don't want them back.

Anyway here's the household contents.
Steven is a 36yr old VERY eligible bachelor husband! Oops. I am easily impressed.

Robyn is a 30ish amazing kind human, she likes books and smelly stuff. Movies and food.

Two children both boys

Calvin is 9, he loves science, Legos and anything on a television.

Conner is 5 and loves cars, paw patrol, and construction equipment.

As a family we like to go camping, watch movies go out to dinner and just hang out and be goofy.
We are trying to have more family games nights but still haven't got that one down.

Thanks Santa this means a lot and hope you have a great Christmas too!
 

cabaiguan juan

Classic Narcissist
Joined
Aug 30, 2006
Messages
7,442
On my honor I thought you were dead! Well this is awkward and I need to give you back your suit and boots and underwear... scratch that. Throw away the underwear you don't want them back.

Anyway here's the household contents.
Steven is a 36yr old VERY eligible bachelor husband! Oops. I am easily impressed.

Robyn is a 30ish amazing kind human, she likes books and smelly stuff. Movies and food.

Two children both boys

Calvin is 9, he loves science, Legos and anything on a television.

Conner is 5 and loves cars, paw patrol, and construction equipment.

As a family we like to go camping, watch movies go out to dinner and just hang out and be goofy.
We are trying to have more family games nights but still haven't got that one down.

Thanks Santa this means a lot and hope you have a great Christmas too!
You have one kid named Calvin and you didn’t name the other Hobbs? Missed opportunity, Steve.
 

Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
4,816
Steve,

I’ve received the final go ahead from the elves. It would seem that you’ve been a good boy this year. Though down to the wire, the sleigh is loaded and headed your way! Merry Christmas to you and yours! I’ve included the super secret Santa tracking code for your package down below. No peeking!!



9405503699300101039212
 

Eqwhipped

whiskey is the flower of my people.
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
1,891
I woke and arose on a perfect cool day
I seen to the children and watched them play
Breakfast was cooking on a hot little skillet
The plates were big and the bellys said fill it

After our meal we sat so content
I started to drift feeling so spent
When all of a sudden I heard a big thump!
I laughed when the noise made the kids jump.

I pulled myself up and out of my chair
And peeked out the door but only could stare
Out on the porch sat a box of such size!
I smiled in wonder and rubbed at my eyes.

I yelled to the family and said "All come quick"
You won't believe it but the mails from Saint Nick!
We all started screaming mad with such glee
I'm pretty sure I seen my wife pee

The children grew hairy and scratched at my face
I ran with the box AWAY FROM THIS PLACE
Terrified and shaking I knew this was trouble
I wish Travolta was here with his bubble

In the basement I hid hearing their moan
What the hell happened just now in my home
I opened the box and a demon popped out
He said I've come for your soul you ugly fat lout.

Ummmm... well that turned dark...
 
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Eqwhipped

whiskey is the flower of my people.
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
1,891
Alternate ending.

Right after the glee pee.

I brought the box in and with the kids running round
A sat on a pillow and pulled a knife I had found
With precision and care I cut at the tape
Then peeled back the top so we all could just gape

Inside the package we all had a gift
Wrapped with such care it made my heart lift
We felt joy and love with the thoughtful selection
We give thanks and praise for the collection

That is the tale of when Santa stopped in
And cigar pass made Christmas great again

*AHEM* So we received our SS and are just so happy with our gifts.

My wife got three minutes into the book before she was laughing so hard tears came forth.

Our kids are still playing with the gifts after a couple days (impressive). So that was a spot on thoughtful gesture.

I couldn't be happier with the items for myself many hours of joy will be had consuming them.

I truly want to say thank you and my family sends their love.

Sincerely Merry Christmas,
Steve F.
 
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Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
4,816
The children grew hairy and scratched at my face
I ran with the box AWAY FROM THIS PLACE
Terrified and shaking I knew this was trouble
I wish Travolta was here with his bubble

In the basement I hid hearing their moan
What the hell happened just now in my home
I opened the box and a demon popped out
He said I've come for your soul you ugly fat lout.

Ummmm... well that turned dark...
Ho Ho Holy shit, young man!! That DID get dark in a hurry. No need to fret, I tossed in some Ativan and Haldol in that box as well.
My wife got three minutes into the book before she was laughing so hard tears came forth.

Our kids are still playing with the gifts after a couple days (impressive). So that was a spot on thoughtful gesture.

I couldn't be happier with the items for myself many hours of joy will be had consuming them.

I truly want to say thank you and my family sends their love.

Sincerely Merry Christmas,
Steve F.
You are so very welcome, Steve! I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas! Stay safe and as always, behave yourself.

Merry Christmas,
Saint Nick
 

Pugman1943

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
6,274
Maybe your suppose to take that stuff and be depressed? Don't think so with that great Santa you have. Merry Christmas brother.
 
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