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Hurt

Nashkicker

Kick Ass Duke
Joined
Apr 19, 2009
Messages
1,834
Ok does anyone know when this pit in my stomach will go away?

I havent felt this lost since my daughter was born. At least then I was happy beyond belief. My best friends wife adn I dont exactly get along. There has been tension between us for years.

I always thought it was because I brought out the wild side in Josh. Whatever the reason she never seemed to want to come to our house or be a part of our family. When they bought a house in Cairo, the fun really started. Josh had to be at our house 2 or 3 days a week for work. When he is on call he has to be within 20 minutes of the airport(mechanic).

With a wife and baby at home this can be very stressfull. We would invite her over all the time. In 3 years she has been to my home maybe 3 or 4 times.We are talking about my best friends wife.Since his son has been born we have seen the baby maybe 3 times and he just turned 1.

My fiance and I are getting married in October, she debated on whehter or not to invite Heather to her bridal shower or bachelorette party. She decided that she would try to reach out one more time. Not gonna happen! Like I said this woman wants nothing to do wiht us. For me that was the straw that broke the camels back. Up till this point I was fairly silent about all the BS but I just couldnt take anymore. I was even going to let it go that we werent invited to his sons baptism.

Josh is like a brother to me I just dont understand how things got to this point. Because we have no communication with his wife I shot her an e- mail explaining how I felt adn that I though this was going on for a long time.

That was last week. Josh was supposed to be over last night for work. When I got home no Josh just a pile of shit that he had borrowed from me and a note saying that he basically didnt want to talk to me and that he is not going to or participating in my wedding. (he was supposed to be my best man) Crushed....... I cant even describe the feelings I have right now. I would take a bullet for him. He wont answer my calls, and blames me for Heathers attitude towards my family. If he doesn't want to be a part of my wedding that is fine but to throw away a lifetime of brotherhood I just dont understand.

Come over here and kick my ass if you are mad at me. that is what brother do. I would gladly take the beating if I thought it would help!



Don't know if this post makes any sense but I had to put it out there. Thanks guys!


edit to increase reading comprehension.
 
Ok does anyone know when this pit in my stomach will go away? I havent felt this lost since my daughter was born. At least then I was happy beyond belief. My best friends wife adn I dont exactly get along. There has been tension between us for years. I always thought it was because I brought out the wild side in Josh. Whatever the reason she never seemed to want to come to our house or be a part of our family. When they bought a house in Cairo, the fun really started. Josh had to be at our house 2 or 3 days a week for work. When he is on call he has to be within 20 minutes of the airport(mechanic). With a wife and baby at home this can be very stressfull. We would invite her over all the time. In 3 years she has been to my home maybe 3 or 4 times.We are talking about my best friends wife. Since his son has been born we have seen the baby maybe 3 times and he just turned 1. My fiance and I are getting married in October, she debated on whehter or not to invite Heather to her bridal shower or bachelorette party. She decided that she would try to reach out one more time. Not gonna happen! Like I said this woman wants nothing to do wiht us. For me that was the straw that broke the camels back. Up till this point I was fairly silent about all the BS but I just couldnt take anymore. I was even going to let it go that we werent invited to his sons baptism. Josh is like a brother to me I just dont understand how things got to this point. Because we have no communication with his wife I shot her an e- mail explaining how I felt adn that I though this was going on for a long time. That was last week. Josh was supposed to be over last night for work. When I got home no Josh just a pile of shit that he had borrowed from me and a note saying that he basically didnt want to talk to me and that he is not going to or participating in my wedding. (he was supposed to be my best man) Crushed....... I cant even describe the feelings I have right now. I would take a bullet for him. He wont answer my calls, and blames me for Heathers attitude towards my family. If he doesn't want to be a part of my wedding that is fine but to throw away a lifetime of brotherhood I just dont understand. Come over here and kick my ass if you are mad at me. that is what brother do. I would gladly take the beating if I thought it would help!



Don't know if this post makes any sense but I had to put it out there. Thanks guys!

Paragraphs seem to increase reading comprehension.

The new wife wants a new life and after marriage, you are damn lucky to keep your favorite chair let alone a best friend.
 
Ok does anyone know when this pit in my stomach will go away?

I havent felt this lost since my daughter was born. At least then I was happy beyond belief.
My best friends wife and I don't exactly get along. There has been tension between us for years.

I always thought it was because I brought out the wild side in Josh. Whatever the reason she never seemed to want to come to our house or be a part of our family. When they bought a house in Cairo, the fun really started. Josh had to be at our house 2 or 3 days a week for work. When he is on call he has to be within 20 minutes of the airport(mechanic).

With a wife and baby at home this can be very stressful. We would invite her over all the time. In 3 years she has been to my home maybe 3 or 4 times. We are talking about my best friends wife. Since his son has been born we have seen the baby maybe 3 times and he just turned 1. My fiancé and I are getting married in October, she debated on whether or not to invite Heather to her bridal shower or bachelorette party. She decided that she would try to reach out one more time.

Not gonna happen! Like I said this woman wants nothing to do with us. For me that was the straw that broke the camels back. Up till this point I was fairly silent about all the BS but I just couldn't take anymore. I was even going to let it go that we weren't invited to his sons baptism.

Josh is like a brother to me I just don't understand how things got to this point. Because we have no communication with his wife I shot her an e- mail explaining how I felt and that I though this was going on for a long time. That was last week. Josh was supposed to be over last night for work.

When I got home no Josh just a pile of shit that he had borrowed from me and a note saying that he basically didn't want to talk to me and that he is not going to or participating in my wedding(he was supposed to be my best man). Crushed....... I cant even describe the feelings I have right now. I would take a bullet for him. He wont answer my calls, and blames me for Heathers attitude towards my family. If he doesn't want to be a part of my wedding that is fine but to throw away a lifetime of brotherhood I just don't understand.

Come over here and kick my ass if you are mad at me. that is what brother do. I would gladly take the beating if I thought it would help!

Don't know if this post makes any sense but I had to put it out there. Thanks guys!

Sorry brother I had to do that so I could read it and understand it. :)

Your friend Josh is showing you that he is pussy whipped. It happens more often than you think, I'm sorry to say. Send him an email and let him know how you feel but if you don't hear anything back move on.

I will say that I think you should have discussed it with him before sending her an email, but that bridge is burned.
 
I don't know if my words will help, but here goes.
This is the human condition. Friendships come and go, people grow apart for so many reasons. Prorities change, feelings change, basis of friendships change, etc. You be a friend, and if you can live with that, more power to you. If they do not reciprocate, remain friendly, and their last thought about you will be positive.

A man's first prioroty is his family.
Why put him in the position to choose? Why ask him to do things that will make his partner uncomfortable? Who really knows, or even understands, why she may feel uncomfortable with you?

The freedom of the individual is paramount in life. Layng guilt, or any other negative emotion on him, or her, will backfire. Search your soul, and ask yourself if you could have handled it better. You might be surprised at the insights that come to mind. Life is about what we can give, not what we can get, in any form. Give patience, understanding, freedom, and the love you feel for him.

My idea of life is that those who need to be in your orbit will be there. Who always knows why? You have brothers here on CP who share the same ideas and ideals. Nurture what you have, and remember fondly what you had. Count your blessings, thoughtfully, and look to the new horizon.

I sincerely hope you find your peace.

-Dan
 
I don't know if my words will help, but here goes.
This is the human condition. Friendships come and go, people grow apart for so many reasons. Prorities change, feelings change, basis of friendships change, etc. You be a friend, and if you can live with that, more power to you. If they do not reciprocate, remain friendly, and their last thought about you will be positive.

A man's first prioroty is his family.
Why put him in the position to choose? Why ask him to do things that will make his partner uncomfortable? Who really knows, or even understands, why she may feel uncomfortable with you?

The freedom of the individual is paramount in life. Layng guilt, or any other negative emotion on him, or her, will backfire. Search your soul, and ask yourself if you could have handled it better. You might be surprised at the insights that come to mind. Life is about what we can give, not what we can get, in any form. Give patience, understanding, freedom, and the love you feel for him.

My idea of life is that those who need to be in your orbit will be there. Who always knows why? You have brothers here on CP who share the same ideas and ideals. Nurture what you have, and remember fondly what you had. Count your blessings, thoughtfully, and look to the new horizon.

I sincerely hope you find your peace.

-Dan

Dan,
Do you write Hallmark cards for a living?
 
I don't know if my words will help, but here goes.
This is the human condition. Friendships come and go, people grow apart for so many reasons. Prorities change, feelings change, basis of friendships change, etc. You be a friend, and if you can live with that, more power to you. If they do not reciprocate, remain friendly, and their last thought about you will be positive.

A man's first prioroty is his family.
Why put him in the position to choose? Why ask him to do things that will make his partner uncomfortable? Who really knows, or even understands, why she may feel uncomfortable with you?

The freedom of the individual is paramount in life. Layng guilt, or any other negative emotion on him, or her, will backfire. Search your soul, and ask yourself if you could have handled it better. You might be surprised at the insights that come to mind. Life is about what we can give, not what we can get, in any form. Give patience, understanding, freedom, and the love you feel for him.

My idea of life is that those who need to be in your orbit will be there. Who always knows why? You have brothers here on CP who share the same ideas and ideals. Nurture what you have, and remember fondly what you had. Count your blessings, thoughtfully, and look to the new horizon.

I sincerely hope you find your peace.

-Dan

Dan,
Do you write Hallmark cards for a living?

That made me lol! No, I'm just a big softy with a large investment in the search for truth and happiness.
But, thanks for the idea. With the prices they charge, I have to be able to write my own gushy thoughts. :D
 
Because we have no communication with his wife I shot her an e- mail explaining how I felt adn that I though this was going on for a long time.

If your wife couldn't explain another woman's behavior, what made you think you could improve on the art of communication? Start by apologizing to your friend's wife for being an ignoramus , then apologize to your friend for making his situation at home even worse.
 
A man's first priority is his family.

While that might be true, one does not throw a close friendship away due to it.

Any woman that forces a man to choose between herself and a man's best friend is not a women worth knowing IMHO. And any man that lets said woman do so without looking back, has lost the right to call himself a man.

There are some lines you do not cross, and that is one of them.
 
Because we have no communication with his wife I shot her an e- mail explaining how I felt adn that I though this was going on for a long time.

I'd be curious to see a copy of this email to have a better take on the situation from their side now.
 
I'll tell you a somewhat-related story. The town I grew up in, I moved there when I was in first grade. Stayed there until I graduated HS. The first friend I made there, we were inseparable; this didn't change for something like 12 years. We had suspicions his girlfriend of a couple years was cheating on him, but nothing concrete. Until we caught her.

There were three of us out that night, he was at home. We talked about it to see how we'd go about letting him know, and figured just calling him there and telling him was best. And that was the beginning of the end. He stopped returning calls. Stopped coming out. We saw him maybe 2 or 3 times after we told him. That was 15 years ago. I made a couple attempts to reach out to him. Saw his parents, asked them to pass along my contact info, etc.

He made his choice. Well, maybe it was made for him, but regardless, his choice was mad. You did what you had to do. Yeah, it sucks that you don't have a best man for your wedding in October. Look at it this way, though: better to find out now, than down the line when he played a bigger part in your life.
 
A man's first priority is his family.

While that might be true, one does not throw a close friendship away due to it.

Any woman that forces a man to choose between herself and a man's best friend is not a women worth knowing IMHO. And any man that lets said woman do so without looking back, has lost the right to call himself a man.

There are some lines you do not cross, and that is one of them.

I whole-heartedly agree with this. No woman in the world GF/wife or otherwise will ever come between me and my best friend. I've broken up with girls for less.
 
What a sucky situation!
No advice I can give but hope it works out somehow.

-Rob
 
A man's first priority is his family.

While that might be true, one does not throw a close friendship away due to it.

Any woman that forces a man to choose between herself and a man's best friend is not a women worth knowing IMHO. And any man that lets said woman do so without looking back, has lost the right to call himself a man.

There are some lines you do not cross, and that is one of them.

I whole-heartedly agree with this. No woman in the world GF/wife or otherwise will ever come between me and my best friend. I've broken up with girls for less.


And if children are involved, what then?
 
First of all, I hoped you talked to your buddy about the situation before you put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). A little advance notice to him about your feelings would have been appropriate. You could have at least gotten his take/guidance/input on the situation. Did you do that?

Second, and most important: Why an email for crying out loud? It's an impersonal way to communicate, at best. A friendly heart-to-heart, face-to-face, good ol' talk is what was needed. Not an email.

If you hope to repair the situation, you need to man up. Have a real conversation with the both of them together. Be contrite, apologetic and honest about your feelings. Do not send any more emails...
 
My fiance and I are getting married in October, she debated on whehter or not to invite Heather to her bridal shower or bachelorette party. She decided that she would try to reach out one more time. Not gonna happen! Like I said this woman wants nothing to do wiht us. For me that was the straw that broke the camels back. Up till this point I was fairly silent about all the BS but I just couldnt take anymore. I was even going to let it go that we werent invited to his sons baptism.

Josh is like a brother to me I just dont understand how things got to this point. Because we have no communication with his wife I shot her an e- mail explaining how I felt adn that I though this was going on for a long time.

Jim, can you clear this up a little? Did you guys invite Heather to the parties, she declined, and then you sent the email? Or did your fiancee want to invite Heather, and you said no.
 
We have invited Heather to everything we have ever done. As stated she has only been over 3 or 4 times in 3 years. I sent the e mail after. Robbie you are right I was a jerk but I just couldnt be shit on by her any longer. I do understand that I didnt help by sending an e mail. We have talked about this issue in the past but neither of us really ever put it all out there. i just thought that our friendship meant more.
 
If we assume that you're a good guy with a rep for partying, then I would agree with Wurm. A classic case of being pussy-whipped. Also, under the same assumption, it's bullshit to throw a friend aside like that.

However, we're only getting snippets of one side of the story. We don't know what you wrote in the email. We don't know how she interpreted it. One thing is for sure though, it gave her enough ammo to fire you out of the picture.

I've got a somewhat similar situation with my best friend. His wife doesn't like me. I don't like her. My wife doesn't like her. She doesn't like my wife. Friend doesn't like my wife. Wife doesn't like my friend. :) Maybe once a year we find ourselves tolerating each other at some event. My friend and I see each other every couple weeks. We hang out with the kids, solo. It's just the way it is. No big deal. Nothing original. Our friendship is stronger than most. We just married women who can't stand each other or us. :)
 
A man's first priority is his family.

While that might be true, one does not throw a close friendship away due to it.

Any woman that forces a man to choose between herself and a man's best friend is not a women worth knowing IMHO. And any man that lets said woman do so without looking back, has lost the right to call himself a man.

There are some lines you do not cross, and that is one of them.

I whole-heartedly agree with this. No woman in the world GF/wife or otherwise will ever come between me and my best friend. I've broken up with girls for less.


And if children are involved, what then?

Well for me, I don't have kids and made a decision many years ago that I never wanted kids, so that has never been an issue with me. That is also something I tell them upfront.
 
A man's first priority is his family.

While that might be true, one does not throw a close friendship away due to it.

Any woman that forces a man to choose between herself and a man's best friend is not a women worth knowing IMHO. And any man that lets said woman do so without looking back, has lost the right to call himself a man.

There are some lines you do not cross, and that is one of them.

I whole-heartedly agree with this. No woman in the world GF/wife or otherwise will ever come between me and my best friend. I've broken up with girls for less.

My wife is my best friend.....and my family comes first.......

Now my wife's relationship with me is that she may not like someone and choose not to be around someone and that is perfectly fine with me......We don't know what was said in the email, how do you know that Josh didn't make the decision on his own.......?
 
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