KANN! Ho ho hooooly WTF? You live where?!?

Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
I had NO plans to fly my fat ass over the Pacific with the North Pole already warmer than it's been in YEARS! No need! Guess I drew one of the short straws this year....anybody have a good enough reason for me to send him a $5 Taco Bell gift card online and be done with it?

Oh well, what'll it be? If I'm coming to Spam sushi and Dog the Bounty Hunter country you may as well tell me what floats your boat. You like those fancy contraband sticks? Mancrush on Carlito? You one of those hipsters who smokes Guy Fieri, er I mean Drew Estate cigars? You a coffee guy?

Don't be shy, Santa is a major league ahole, but after my morning elf massage I'm generally in a mood to hook a solid brother up with some sticks!

Santa
 

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Aloha, you jolly bag of North Pole sunshine! Thanks for thinking of me way out here in this desolate wasteland of sand and suntanned Little Helpers. I'm a man of simple tastes. Rather, I'm a man of un-experienced tastes, so I will be happy with whatever the elves can find to pack your man purse with that might expand my inexperienced palate. My go-to's I can most often be found outside reading with are MUWAT KFC (though I lack the genes to grow a fauxhawk anymore), Padron X000, and CAO Brasilia sticks. I've been on a Connecticut bender recently, as I find the lighter fare doesn't kick my ass too bad after a long day at work with little in my belly (I know you don't have that problem, but humor me, Big Guy...).

*EDIT* Oh, I forgot to mention -- my preferences are with smaller ring gauges. Anything sub-50rg makes me happy. If it existed, I'd adore the Padron Panatela. However, according to our resident VD Eradicator, those things are more mythical than you, my friend.

I've heard of that other little island, but I'm not allowed to visit it. I wouldn't be averse to sampling some of its agricultural culture, I'll admit. This is the time for giving so, honestly, I'll be happy with whatever is popular in your neck of the Tundra this time of year. I deal with little terrorists school kids all day, so I do definitely stay highly caffeinated, since you mention it. Other than that, my diet primarily consists of Monster Rehab, protein bars, and tears.

Don't tell the Mrs. Clause, but I can recommend some good beaches to make a few low passes over, iffinyaknowhattimean... Mahalo, again, Nickster, and I'll leave something out for your eight tiny slaves, errrr... reindeer, too.
 
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Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
Well friend, send me a list of your worst rugrats and I'll do a stare and compare with my list to make it a REALLY bad Christmas for them! I'll try not to screw and mix packages though. I don't want to traumatize them too badly with these vintage Roi Tans I'm packing up for you! I don't know what to think about a newer smoker shying away from those 70 ring gauge nightmares....there may be hope for you yet. I'll see what I can do to make this a Merry Christmas for you! Even though I don't know about rewarding someone who can smoke outside during the winter while I'm stuck up here with a bunch of elves whose family tree doesn't have any branches....
 

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Thanks, Santa. I'll work on that list for you, but I'm not sure if I have THAT much paper in the house. Safe travels, Big Guy. Give my best to Mrs. Clause. ;)
 

Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
Alrighty buddy boy...dispatched a courier and I'm keeping his elf family hostage to make sure he doesn't get any funny ideas about staying in Hawaii this close to our busiest day of the year. Now, you're going to want to give these cigars some proper rest after this cold snap we've had up here...some time in the humi will keep the grape and vanilla flavored paper wrappers from splitting on you, or the plastic tips from falling off. Hope you are having a very Merry December so far!

Tracking- 9505 5143 0687 7341 0799 36
 

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Alright, Santa, thanks! If I find a little green guy on my couch one of these mornings (and I'm sure I'm really sober this time), I'll be sure to kick his ass back out into the frigid 58˚ weather we've been having here. I'll let you know when I send him back on his way!

Mahalo, Big Guy!
 

Secret Santa

CEO, North Pole Inc.
HOLY MARY MOTHER OF PEARL...

Santa, I cannot tell a lie: Go back and check your list again -- I think you got me mixed up with another kid. I haven't been THIS good! Speechless. Thank you. Mahalo.
Well, I'm glad they got there! ENJOY!

Note to self: Start packing these things yourself, or risk one of your helpers accidentally giving away your best JR Alts.....dammit.
 

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Hey Santa, can you shoot me a message somehow on here? I have a question about one of the cigars (nothing bad), but don't necessarily want to put details of what you sent me out here publicly. I'm not really interested in finding out who you are, so if you can do it anonymously, all the better. I like the "secret" part of Secret Santa. It kinda keeps the mystery... and I WANT TO BELIEVE! :D

Danke schön, Big Guy.
 
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