Reluctant admission

Johnny B

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Joined
Jan 6, 2017
Messages
923
So I've typed up and deleted at least two posts laying out some pretty personal things and thought to myself that the timing wasn't right. Or that I didn't want to be thrown a pity party, but after getting a text message from my soon-to-be-ex wife telling me that there's a package at the house with my name on it - I figure now is as good of a time as any to share what's been going on in my life recently.

The package in question was from Mississippi and at first glance, I started thinking, "Who do I know from MS?" For some reason I thought I remembered reading that @Thoughts was from MS, but the name on the package didn't look familiar. (Oh and if you're still hung up on the soon-to-be ex wife comment, I'll expand on that in a moment) Inside the package, there were two of my favorite sticks and a note, "...checking to make sure you're still alive."

Truth be told, I've been teetering a little bit on that very idea. Let me be clear, I am a Christian and suicide would never be an option, but I have to tell ya, it's definitely been on my mind. You, see - for the better part of two years (keep in mind, I've been married since 4/13/17) I've endured things that no spouse should ever have to endure. Be it physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse to downright manipulating my children into thinking I'm a bad parent. Like I said, I shouldered the burden for the better part of two years. I tried shepherding my wife, I bent over backwards to try to make peace in the house, to no avail. Long story short, when the way I was being treating started having an impact on my relationship with my daughters I knew I needed to make a life altering decision for everyone involved.

That's when I decided to move out.

I made that decision in April and have kind of been in a fog ever since. It's not easy, as a man to admit that he has been physically abused by his wife. And even though I know that what I'm doing is what is best for all of us, it's still hard. I have had some pretty rough days and will probably continue to have more, but I have to be honest - the package I got today couldn't have came at a better time.

I know that I've only been around for a short time, but some of you guys have become like family to me. And Thoughts - you thinking enough of me to send me some love means more than words can ever say. Thank you.
 

Gavin

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Joined
Oct 30, 2009
Messages
2,995
Don’t know you too well yet, Johnny B, but I’m hoping the best for you. The best one can do in such a broken relationship is to just get out of it. Everyone will be better off that way. If you ever need to, don’t hesitate to reach out to your brothers here. We’ve been devastated by suicide here before, and I couldn’t stomach it again, knowing I have the time to show anyone that they’re important to me, even just as another member of a cigar forum.

Thoughts, well done. Rod should change your screenname to Thoughtful.
 

Johnny B

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Joined
Jan 6, 2017
Messages
923
Don’t know you too well yet, Johnny B, but I’m hoping the best for you. The best one can do in such a broken relationship is to just get out of it. Everyone will be better off that way. If you ever need to, don’t hesitate to reach out to your brothers here. We’ve been devastated by suicide here before, and I couldn’t stomach it again, knowing I have the time to show anyone that they’re important to me, even just as another member of a cigar forum.

Thoughts, well done. Rod should change your screenname to Thoughtful.

I appreciate it Gavin.
 

kona1000

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Oct 10, 2009
Messages
2,188
Jonny B. Get yourself a good therapist.

Get someone to talk to and be present for your daughter. She needs her dad. Pour all your love into to her to let her know you will always be there!!

Keep you in my prayers Bro. It’s never so bad you need to harm yourself. Tough times pass.
 

Thoughts

Forehead wrinkle king
Joined
Mar 3, 2018
Messages
2,565
Johnny B you are more than deserving brother. You are a great guy and inspiring to see around for me personally. You have made one of the best decisions and later on down the road I hope you see you did what was best for you and your children. I wish you nothing but the best. Always remember though, no matter what, we are here if you need to talk and we do notice if you haven’t been around! All the best brother, you deserve a smoke break.
 

jbfurdog

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Joined
Aug 27, 2015
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2,497
We've got you brother. The people here are like family. We always look out for one another. Never never hesitate to reach out.
 

2K6TBSS

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Joined
Jan 12, 2010
Messages
3,154
Johnny B,

I can't imagine the emotions you went through writing that post. You will have a family here.

Like others have said, make sure you keep your daughters your #1 priority. They will soon see what kind of person you really are. I have a friend that went through a similar situation with his ex-wife, and she did the same thing with his daughters, they were too young at the time to see the truth for themselves. It took them a few years to see that their mother wasn't the person she said she was and that their dad was a total opposite of what she told them.

Hang in there, times will get better for you.
 

bfreebern

Yada, Yada, Yada.
Joined
Jun 22, 2004
Messages
16,561
Jonathon - we're here for you, if you need anything. That's a tough thing to go through and an even tougher thing to admit. Keep your head up and do what's best for those girls. You'll get through it and you'll be better for it.

-B
 

CBoukal

Impeached Staff Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2011
Messages
5,320
Sorry to hear about everything you are going through. Like everyone has said we are all family here. I think the counseling recommendation is an excellent one. Remember the people who/want need you and stick close to them.
 

StatHaldol

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Joined
Sep 13, 2008
Messages
1,241
We're all here if you need an ear to listen. I would also like to add my two cents about counseling. I went through something similar many years ago and it made the path easier to walk.
Prayers and Godspeed.
 
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