Dear Horses,

[Horse]

Dear Horses,

When I say "whoa" it means stop whatever you are doing and STAND STILL. I notice you have no trouble whatsoever doing this when you are having a particularly vivid daydream or are trying to figure out where the sound of a snack wrapper is coming from. So would it kill you to cease all forward, sideways, upward and/or backward movement for a few moments when I ask? Be a sport.

And speaking of snacks, I am not a magician. There is NOT a candy factory in each of my sleeves and a carrot farm in each of my pockets. When they're gone, they're gone, and no amount of chewing on my
clothes, hands and hair will generate more. Neither will pawing to China. But I hope you still like me, anyway.

The gate is easy for us both to go through, if we go through in the following order: Me. The lead rope. Your head, then your neck then your shoulders, torso, butt and tail. Going through it is much harder if you do it in the following, incorrect order: your right side. Your left side. Pivoting, your head. The lead rope. Me. You again. Me again.

You DO know how the poopie got on your food. Quit looking at me like that.

Please understand that when I grab your mouth and yank it open and invite a person with a file to grind your teeth down...when I douse you with a hose or run a strange, buzzing machine all over your body that makes your fur itchy and short just when you wanted it long and soft...when I put a stupid mesh hat on you and spray you with chemicals...this means I love you.

Rules for non-horsemen who complain about my horses:

1. The smell is BEAUTIFUL. It is one of Nature's finest smells. If youdon't like it, save yourself some trouble and don't come over to my house or get into my car.

2. If you prefer a lifestyle free of shedding hairs, sprays of snot, randomslobberings or natural, organic fertilizer in your shoes, you may not be mykind of person.

3. I like my horse a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, she's a horse. To me, she's a family member who is big, hairy, walks on all fours and is easily startled.

5. Horses are better than babies. They can amuse themselves all day long, they make much less noise, their sh*t is nowhere near as gross, and THEY carry YOU around.

 

[CoventryCat86]

I like it :thumbs:

 

[LuckyDawg]

i love the smell between their ears.
ahhhh, that's as "horse" as it gets
ya had me rollin' mark. it's been years
since i owned a horse, and this really took me back.
thanks!

 

[blair]

Dear Master,

When I say "whoa" it means stop whatever you are doing and STAND STILL. I notice you have no trouble whatsoever doing this when you are having a particularly vivid daydream or are trying to figure out where the sound of a snack wrapper is coming from. So would it kill you to cease all forward, sideways, upward and/or backward movement for a few moments when I ask? Be a sport.

By riting to mee en this mannur, yoo r cleerly endicateng that it is yor undurstandeng that speeking inglish is 1 of my many talentz. On the contrarie, wile I am geting bettur and hav pickd up a fue of yor words, it is qwite diffecult for mee to alwayz undurstand your entenshuns. I meen no dizrespeckt.

And speaking of snacks, I am not a magician. There is NOT a candy factory in each of my sleeves and a carrot farm in each of my pockets. When they're gone, they're gone, and no amount of chewing on my
clothes, hands and hair will generate more. Neither will pawing to China. But I hope you still like me, anyway.

Ooooh. I c. That iz sometheng I didnt no. Wel, wuld it kill yoo too jest breng moore treetz neks time?

The gate is easy for us both to go through, if we go through in the following order: Me. The lead rope. Your head, then your neck then your shoulders, torso, butt and tail. Going through it is much harder if you do it in the following, incorrect order: your right side. Your left side. Pivoting, your head. The lead rope. Me. You again. Me again.

Ok. Now wee r geting somewhere. I wil sertanlee tri theese fine direktionz that yoo hav emparrted. Howevurr, pleez remmemmbber that mi boddee is largg and tuff. Sommtimz it is diffecult for mee too cooordenaat cuntrole of mi intyre boddee. Espeshialli wen I am exsiited for play time. Im not a dam cat, yoo no. My agilitee is limited. P.S. sometimz I doo it jest too piss yoo awff. Bwaa-haa-haa!

You DO know how the poopie got on your food. Quit looking at me like that.

JEST WAT R YOO EMPLIEING HEER? THET IM DOOENG IT? NOT MEE! :lookup:

Please understand that when I grab your mouth and yank it open and invite a person with a file to grind your teeth down...when I douse you with a hose or run a strange, buzzing machine all over your body that makes your fur itchy and short just when you wanted it long and soft...when I put a stupid mesh hat on you and spray you with chemicals...this means I love you.

I luv yoo too buddee.

Fourevr Yurs,

Yur hores.

 

[blair]

I was just looking through my post history and came across this old one. I thought the original post was funny (and informative, in fact) as hell. ... however, could it be that my reply was not as funny as I thought it was? I got not response! :angry: :lookup:

ps. I often find that many (many, many, many) people don't find me as funny as I know that I am.


:sign:

 

[other1]

Ok, a lot of it is self explanatory.. But what are you doing when you cover his head in a mesh hat and spray chemicals on him? Fleabath? Do you do that for horses?

 

[gibu]

ps. I often find that many (many, many, many) people don't find me as funny as I know that I am.


:sign:

I hate that as well!! I am WAY funnier then most people give me credit for! What is wrong with people anyway?

 

[txmatt]

ps. I often find that many (many, many, many) people don't find me as funny as I know that I am.


:sign:

But we will always have the satisfaction of being a legend in our own mind; This is better than having dimwits always understand our jokes. Trust me here Blair; if they don't get the joke its their shortcoming, not yours. I don't care to communicate at a level below my abilitites to placate the status quo.

Matt