Brother Nate, no secret ( at least not from a pug born in Buffalo ). Buy you some horseradish root at the store, peel it like a potato, use a hand grater, cover with vinegar.. That will get your attention. If too strong, you can tone it down with sugar, but I always bit my lips, said holy shit, slammer the kitchen counter and suffered cause I like it when it talks back to me. Maybe someone else here has more refined ideas. Wish you success and pain.