Swissy
Livin' the retired life!
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2005
- Messages
- 4,610
well, the medics just left... poison control is on stand down and the CDC is no longer on the phone. I'm in the clear for now. The reason for all the ruckus? I finally got the nerve up to smoke my prize winnings of a Phillies Chocolate Blunt (Thanks Devin... I think!) and I washed it down with a special bottle of Jones soda, sent in a foam bomb (hmm... where did you get THAT idea come from Phil?). The flavor of the Soda? Jone Soda's Smoked Salmon Pâté!
First the blunt... in a word? Nasty. Although NOT as nasty as I expected. Now, I will be honest - I'm a reformed Swisher Sweet smoker! Yea Yea, yuck it up. But, a buddy of mine (at least I thought he was a buddy) got me smoking them when we were out fishing as they helped keep the mosquitoes away. Wonder why... maybe because they are toxic? :laugh: Another buddy (a real one this time) bitch slapped me for smoking crap and introduced me to real cigars... a Padron 3000. And I've been hooked ever since! But I digress...
The blunt, upon unwrapping the carton, smelled... nasty? I had it triple ziplocked and vacuum sealed with a sacrificial humi-pack so it would not contaminate my overflow cooler. I grabbed the soda from the fridge and went out on the deck. Shame to waste such a nice day. My first sign of trouble was clipping the damn thing - the tip just crumbled. I tried a test draw and got nothing but a mouth of debris.
And the taste... well, I was expecting the taste of trying to smoke a Hershey's bar with a blow torch, but I actually tasted some tobacco. SOME. And when I lit it up... well, that taste went away and was replaced with the blow torched Hershey bar! Ok, not really, but I am not sure what I was tasting, I just knew I did NOT like it. None of the spice... none of the earthy flavors... no pepper... no nothing other than a little chocolate mixed in with some cheap tobacco. Ewwww.
So I tossed the thing with barely an inch gone. (Hey... I had to at least TRY it for a few minutes) Oh well... and proceeded to crack open the soda to get the taste out of my mouth. My first clue that this would not help was when I could not identify the smell at first. Did it smell like the brine I soak my salmon for 24 hours in prior to smoking it? No... how about the smell of the drippings from my smoker while it's smoking? No... then it hit me. It smelled like the back of my truck after a long drive - I smoked a couple of cigars, and Porter had puked after eating a couple of mouthfuls of rotting salmon on the beach. (Yeah, that was fun to clean up.) The second clue that I was in trouble was when I lowered the bottle so my dogs could sniff it. Now, we're talking about 2 dogs that one day decided to eat about 3 full sized salmon worth of brined fillets ready to smoke... RAW. And their reaction to the soda? Porter turned around and went down the stairs to the water bucket and guzzled water. Amber just stood there and looked at it. Then she looked at me as if she was saying - 'if you drink that you're a dumbass'.
And drink it I did. I put the thing to my lips, took a small swallow - and about puked. That crap is N.A.S.T.Y. That was it - I'm done. Call the medics, I need morphine. Call poison control and report a new poison. Call the CDC and report a new biological weapon. Take that crap OFF THE MARKET!!
I pitched it after one slug... and that was too much! I'm paying for it now... every belch, evey yawn, every time I open my mouth basically, I get a foul stench of smoked salmon pate! I ate a bunch of black licorice, bit into the lime I squeezed for a mojito, drank the mojito, washed my mouth out with mouthwash, gargled with mouthwash, brushed my teeth, and had another mojito. And I can still taste the soda!
:laugh: what a day, what a day...
The blunt, upon unwrapping the carton, smelled... nasty? I had it triple ziplocked and vacuum sealed with a sacrificial humi-pack so it would not contaminate my overflow cooler. I grabbed the soda from the fridge and went out on the deck. Shame to waste such a nice day. My first sign of trouble was clipping the damn thing - the tip just crumbled. I tried a test draw and got nothing but a mouth of debris.
:laugh: what a day, what a day...
