Manly Stuff

[gawntrail]

In searching for the Cigar General (Cigar Dave) I ran across his website:

SMOKE THIS!

He has cool cigar stuff on his website. He had this in their too! I thought I would pass it on.

30 Reasons Why it's Great to be a Man

1. Your orgasms are always real. Always!

2. The garage is all yours.

3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

4. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

5. You don’t give a F*** if nobody notices you new haircut.

6. Hot wax never goes near your pubic area.

7. A few well-placed one-night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.

8. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

9. Porn films are designed with you in mind.

10. You can throw a ball more than five feet.

11. ONE mood, ALL the times.

12. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

13. You can open your own jars.

14. You can go to a restroom without a public support group.

15. You can leave a bed unmade.

16. You can get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

17. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

18. If you are 30 and single, no one notices.

19. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

20. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

21. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the electricity man is coming to read your meter.

22. You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without thinking “He must be mad at me!”

23. You don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

24. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

25. The same hairstyle lasts you for years, maybe decades.

26. You don’t have to turn a road atlas upside down to travel south.

27. All your Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 24 Relatives on December 24 in 24 minutes.

28. You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a Moustache.

29. You’re more concerned with people kissing your ass rather than looking at our ass.

30. The world is your urinal!

*courtesy of Cigar Dave @ www.smokethis.com

M. Gipson

 

[gawntrail]

More from the Cigar General:

The Man Code

Updated: November 5, 2002

Thou shall not rent the movie “Chocolat” or “Bridges of Madison County”.

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; The exception being when trying to pick a girl---the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.

If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may however gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it----even at your bachelor party.

Before dating a buddy’s “ex”, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem. You didn’t see nothin’!

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, buy you may never ask who’s playing.

When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach---and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel---and it’s free.

Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

If a buddy is out-numbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin”, then you may sit back and enjoy.

Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight-lifting:

“Yeah, baby, push it!”
“C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
“Another set and we can hit the showers”
“Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?”

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza---but not both. That’s just plain mean.

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy---except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: Either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, A nod is all the conversation you need.

If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, YOU MAY NOT---Unless you are Gay.

*courtesy of Cigar Dave @ www.smokethis.com

M. Gipson

 

[sir-smokes-a-lot]

yeah,
check out

www.collegehumor.com



all of these and more can be found on that site.
had this list up in our dorm section last year.

 

[Lumberg]

4. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

18. If you are 30 and single, no one notices.

23. You don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

I'm going to have to take issue with these.

I have had car mechanics lie to me. I was ASE certified and worked as a mechanic, so I can call bs on that stuff.

18 is only true if you don't count your married cousins and your mom, who is always bugging you to do stuff (like volunteer for the blind) to meet "nice girls." "But mom, I don't WANT to meet "nice" girls!" <SLAP>

When I was a mechanic, I worked with people who would often repeat to themselves , "righty tighty lefty loosey" before starting on a bolt. These were good mechanics. Also some old lug nuts are reverse threaded. Finally, when the bolt is in a weird location, like upside down or facing away from you, it is perfectly acceptable to stare at nothing and rotate your hand in each direction to figure out which way you want to work the wrench/ratchet/screwdriver.

LMAO and in full agreement on the last one.

 

[gawntrail]

Finally, when the bolt is in a weird location, like upside down or facing away from you, it is perfectly acceptable to stare at nothing and rotate your hand in each direction to figure out which way you want to work the wrench/ratchet/screwdriver.

I do this all of the time. Some of those nuts and bolts take real pleasure in trickin' ya!

M. Gipson.

 

[dixieland_conjunction]

Thou shall not rent the movie ?Chocolat?

I own it. That's a hell of a movie. :thumbs:

Cheers,
Dixie

 

[Maggs44]

The Man Code

When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

Thou shalt not use the word queried instead of the word asked.