cartoonman34
New Member
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2008
- Messages
- 7
Here are the ten first place winners in a recent International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The
flight attendant looks at
him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and
says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4 Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost
my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about
the Buddhist who
refused Novocain during
a root canal? His goal: transcend dent al medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
they moved off.
"Because," he said," I
can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."
7. A woman has twins
and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small
florist shop to raise
funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to
close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as
you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made
him rather frail and, with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him (Oh, man, this
is so bad,it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The
flight attendant looks at
him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and
says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4 Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost
my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about
the Buddhist who
refused Novocain during
a root canal? His goal: transcend dent al medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
they moved off.
"Because," he said," I
can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."
7. A woman has twins
and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small
florist shop to raise
funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to
close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as
you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made
him rather frail and, with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him (Oh, man, this
is so bad,it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
