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Recently Engaged

Congratulations!

I got married in May, to a woman who is just about perfect in all ways but one...

???

Yep - not only hates cigars (and smoking in general), but has asthma and the world's best sense of smell. It took a lot of negotiating - this was almost a deal-breaker for both of us. In the end, though, it was more important to us to find a compromise than to find another partner... :love:

She can detect cigar smoke from 50 feet away (upwind!) and cannot even go to a restaraunt or bar that has a smoking section. I had some initial thoughts that it was a put-on, just because she doesn't like the smell, but then had the experience of taking her to the hospital for an attack.

So...

Here's our compromise... All of my humidors stay at the office, and I have a "smoking jacket" that also stays at the office. No smoking at home, or when we're together. Cigar breath is an intimacy-killer with her as well, so I've found that keeping a toothbrush and high-test breath mints handy is also a requirement.

On the other hand, she doesn't pay any attention to what I put in the Humis, as long as I pay for it from my personal account.

I guess the take-away from this is to decide what's most important, listen to each other and be willing to work out a compromise that works for both of you.

Best of luck and keep us all posted!
 
Congratulations on your engagement!
My wife and I have been married thirty....... something years, the first thing I do when I get up is apologize because I know I'll need to before the day is over any way. :laugh: All kidding aside, just talk it out and come up with a plan that works for both. There's a vent fan in my office room were I smoke and it does a pretty good job.

Ernie
 
I appreciate the sound advice my fellow BOTL's! I'll do what I can...but one thing i found is that if i'm not happy, we aren't happy. We both have our own hobbies that simply require just respect for eachother's space. She hates how I ramble about cigars, great deals and my different smoking experiences, however, she tolerates it. Then again, as men we tolerate alot of crap too, so that's pretty much our compromise.

It's nice to be warmly congratulated like this, and I appreciate the input...I enjoyed reading them all. Thanks Gents.

-Jake
 
BigJake6904 said:
I appreciate the sound advice my fellow BOTL's! I'll do what I can...but one thing i found is that if i'm not happy, we aren't happy. We both have our own hobbies that simply require just respect for eachother's space. She hates how I ramble about cigars, great deals and my different smoking experiences, however, she tolerates it. Then again, as men we tolerate alot of crap too, so that's pretty much our compromise.

It's nice to be warmly congratulated like this, and I appreciate the input...I enjoyed reading them all. Thanks Gents.

-Jake
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When you start doing more and more trades or boxes just start showing up out of the blue, then come back and let us know what she says

:sign:
 
11+ years of marriage has taught me a few things:
1) Don't offer a single ounce of advice about the wedding. Whatever idea she bounces off of you simply generate a thoughtful expression and pretend to ponder it for a few seconds. A pondering rub of the chin doesn't hurt. And then tell her that is a great idea!! Don't ever, and I mean EVER, disagree with one of her ideas no matter how sappy it is.
2) Don't smoke inside. Unless you are really blessed, it's not worth the fight. Find a house with a nice deck or patio and stake your claim. Smoke while grilling/smoking a nice dinner for her and it will usually slide by.
3) Smoke after doing something for her or your house. This disarms her argument if you are rewarding yourself for an unselfish act. It's called the point system. Get used to it.

Congrats on your engagement and good luck to you.
 
bfreebern said:
Get used to the garage!
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And the couch ???


cabaiguan juan said:
smoke76 said:
Good luck and watch out for the Moms during planning the wedding.... I think there's a Crazy switch that goes off in thier head when they hear the word Wedding ???
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OMG yeah! WFT is with that?!?!
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That is why I paid for my wedding. I gave them the reigns, but kept everything under wraps :thumbs: .

Congrats on the engagment. As it has been said before C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E and everything works out pretty well.
 
Doc's Law: Whatever she "tolerates" prior to marriage, will become intolerable after marriage.
A word to the wise should be sufficient.

Doc.
 
You know Devil Doc has a good point. I have seen it happen before. I don't believe it happens in every case, but it certainly could. Just the opposite happened to me. My wifes ex was an awful drunk. When we were going out it was a NO alcohol period rule. she just wasn't going to go down that road. I stuck with it and slowly showed her that it wasn't the alcohol that was the problem, it was the ex and the alcohol together. Now, I am quite happy about being able to do pretty much what I see fit. Of course I always take her feelings into consideration. Works out very well.

Steve
 
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