Soon to be single

[geldor1]

Well, I finally got off my ass this week and contacted a law firm to file for an uncontested divorce.

There is a Florida law firm that will prepare all the paperwork, file the papers and represent me in court so that we don't even have to show up. All for a flat fee of $399 plus the filing fee of $397.50.

Wife moved out at the beginning of March. After 2 months we had a long talk and she said she wasn't coming back. She bought a new car and I bought a used 2008 Harley Heritage Classic Anniversary Edition. Not a bad trade. :laugh:

But, in the back of my mind, I still held out hope that she just needed some alone time or her space and that she might still be back.

Another 2 1/2 months pass and I find out that she is dating her boss. :angry:

After the initial being pissed, we have another long talk and I finally realize (make that - got it through my thick skull) that it is definitely over. We just do not want the same things out of life.

She moved out all the stuff she wanted and we split the checking & saving accounts. She is not going after any of my 401K.

Papers are here all signed and notarized, in a Priority Flat Rate envelope, waiting to be mailed on Monday morning.

I have had a calm presence this whole past week. Guess all I needed to get past this was starting the divorce process.

She says we were married 10 years.
It would have been 10 years on March 31st, she moved out on March 3rd so I'm not giving her that one. :whistling:

Had to list the house on short sale because we're somewhere in the neighborhood of $58,000 upside down and I can’t afford to keep paying the full mortgage by myself. Now, if the bank would only let me refinance for the appraised value, I'd keep the house. I called them and tried to talk to them, but they wouldn’t even listen. Realtor said the bank may come back with an offer, I told him I already called them and they didn’t want to talk, but he said it is different now that I have a realtor involved. We shall see.

Looks like I'll be single again in 30 to 45 days.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

 

[Wurm]

If I had to do it all over again... I wouldn't.

Good luck with being single again!

 

[geldor1]

I truely do not look forward to getting back out there.

That is the main reason we stayed together for the past year. She had financial stability and I wasn't alone. Neither is a good enought reason to stay together.

This too shall pass.

I have been talking more with an old friend I'd lost contact with and actually talking more with our daughter (her kid who I adopted 5 years ago when she was 17) since this all started.

So some good is coming out of this.

I just need to find either, a shiney new ornament for the back of the Harley :whistling: or a FWB.

 

[redraider]

Good luck buddy! Better to be happy and single, than miserable and married! :laugh:

 

[lherzolite]

Best of luck to you! Sounds like it is for the best. The only piece of advice i'd give is that since it sounds like kids are involved, they should not loose a mother or a father. My parents were divorced when I was 5 or so. Both have since passed, but while they were around I could always depend on either of them, both were always in my life, and neither bad mouthed each other. As the years passed I finally understood what amazing people they were, and I'm forever grateful that both had the maturity to put whatever differences they had with each other aside when it came to me and my siblings.

 

[looking for knowledge]

Good luck man. Divorce sucks and it's painful, but time does heal this type of pain.

Don't think of it as being "out there" again. Just be yourself, heal, and you'll meet someone who can love you the way you are. The odds are in your favor.

As for the boss thing... that's bad form on both their parts.

Many of us have been though this and come out better in the end. I wish you the best.

 

[geldor1]

The kid is actually 22 and living on her own.

She just left here about 1/2 an hour ago. I had picked up 2 strombolis for lunch and we only ate one of them. I text'd her that if she wanted the other one she could come get it when she got off from work.

 

[geldor1]

Good luck man. Divorce sucks and it's painful, but time does heal this type of pain.

Don't think of it as being "out there" again. Just be yourself, heal, and you'll meet someone who can love you the way you are. The odds are in your favor.

As for the boss thing... that's bad form on both their parts.

Many of us have been though this and come out better in the end. I wish you the best.

As for the boss thing, she told me that she has always had a 'thing' for him.

This guy has more money than he knows what to do with, but he is a total douchebag. Has cheated on every wife or woman he had.

She knows this but says it is not a relationship, that she is just out to have fun.

Don't see that ending well.

 

[ilikefishes]

Good luck man. Divorce sucks and it's painful, but time does heal this type of pain.

Don't think of it as being "out there" again. Just be yourself, heal, and you'll meet someone who can love you the way you are. The odds are in your favor.

As for the boss thing... that's bad form on both their parts.

Many of us have been though this and come out better in the end. I wish you the best.

As for the boss thing, she told me that she has always had a 'thing' for him.

This guy has more money than he knows what to do with, but he is a total douchebag. Has cheated on every wife or woman he had.

She knows this but says it is not a relationship, that she is just out to have fun.

Don't see that ending well.

You seem to me that you are in a very good place right now. Either that or you are an incredible liar. The latter I doubt, by your honesty in the thread. My parents divorce started over three (3) years ago, and when it all started I knew it was going to go on for a long time. This has destroyed my family for good. The nice thing for my family is that I left when I was 18, over 25 years ago and have not looked back since. So the distance that I got from traveling and working across the country has helped us detach from the process.
With that being said, I think that you are going to be in a position to realize that you have it better without her than with her. Get out there and get involved, go do some charity work, volunteer at your local park or golf course. You will be amazed what you find when you aren't looking!

 

[bfreebern]

Good luck buddy.

 

[modo22]

This might be a dumb question, but I am just curious as I may be going through something like this soon.

You said that you two split the checking and savings account 50/50. Sounds reasonable, but what about debt? (if there is any) Did either of you share a credit card? If not then I guess it is just a general question to the masses, if a couple was to split the good, is the other half sometimes forced to split the bad?

I am sorry to hear you are going through this...I hope you get back on your feet sooner then later.

 

[broblues]

I have the best of both worlds. My wife is also my best friend. Sure makes life real livable!


edit to add: As far as the "boss thing"..... I've always thought the "Never get your meat where you get your bread" rule of thought was a fine standard to practice.

 

[BlindedByScience]

You said that you two split the checking and savings account 50/50. Sounds reasonable, but what about debt? (if there is any) Did either of you share a credit card? If not then I guess it is just a general question to the masses, if a couple was to split the good, is the other half sometimes forced to split the bad?

...when I went through my divorce from Wife Version 1.0 (almost 20 years ago), the divorce decree had all the debts split up nicely.

Wife Version 1.0 decided to default on everything she had to pay. Guess what? Since our names were on all those accounts, the bank(s) just garnished my wages for what she owed. Swell. So, in theory this should have worked. Seems my mistake was not getting my names off the accounts. Even still, I did sign for them originally so it's debatable if I'd have come out ahead in court or not.

At the time, I had no money so hiring lawyers and spending 10's of thousands of dollars in court just wasn't worth it. Cheaper to suck it up and move along.

Divorce sucks, but good will come from bad. Opportunity will come from the adversity. Take the time to feel good about yourself. No shame in talking to a counselor to help get things sorted out in your head; I recommend it, actually. Travel, go see some friends. I have known guys that went through divorce that more or less fell into the bottle for a while. Watch out for that; it's an easy trap to be caught in. Buy real butter. Eat great steaks. Enjoy life......

Good luck - B.B.S.

 

[sinnyc]

Sorry to hear the news John. From here it seems like you're handling the whole thing at least as well as anyone I know who has gone through it. Best of luck to you and I hope you get to spend some quality time in the saddle of that new bike!

- Tim

 

[geldor1]

This might be a dumb question, but I am just curious as I may be going through something like this soon.

You said that you two split the checking and savings account 50/50. Sounds reasonable, but what about debt? (if there is any) Did either of you share a credit card? If not then I guess it is just a general question to the masses, if a couple was to split the good, is the other half sometimes forced to split the bad?

I am sorry to hear you are going through this...I hope you get back on your feet sooner then later.

I first paid off all shared debt (except the mortgage) from the joint accounts before we split the savings. It was about $3500 from the new TV and some CC debt.
I had my own CC and she had hers, so that was easy.
I kept the joint checking as I had on-line banking already set up and several monthly bills being taken out. Had to get her to sign a form taking her name off the account and have it notarized.

Sorry to hear the news John. From here it seems like you're handling the whole thing at least as well as anyone I know who has gone through it. Best of luck to you and I hope you get to spend some quality time in the saddle of that new bike!

- Tim

Thanks Tim.

Been out on several short rides but it's just too dang hot to ride home from work, 25 miles one way in stop & go traffic. :0

When the house sells, I plan to move closer to work. Should be great riding come this fall.

 

[Gator]

Went through one 2.5 years ago, i will have to say it really sucked and took some time. Evidently i'm a slow learner, got remarried about a year ago, didn't know marriage could be this good, and her leaving was what motivated me to address my alcohol issue, and working the 12 steps, other issues i didn't even realize i had, but did.

Blessings indeed come in weird disguises, hang in there, time heals.

 

[Not A Nice Person]

Dating is expensive because it's worth it. Same deal with divorce. :laugh:

Split with my ex back in '93, more or less amicably. I suppose if I'd known I was going to be single this long after, I might have tried a little harder to patch things up between us . . . but there was a lot of damn patching to do, and most of it was my fault. :blush:

My only real regret is that the woman I met after was serious One Great True Love material, and I was pinballing too hard for months after the divorce to make it work with her. But you sound like your head's in a better place already than mine was for a long time.

~Boar

 

[souldog]

Been there dude. It gets better.

 

[2K6TBSS]

That sucks dude. It sounds like everything is working out as well as it can though.

 

[JackImpact]

Good luck buddy. My best wishes for you.