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Nice to meet you.

Engineer? On a train? Smoking? My God, this sounds like a black-and-white movie (of which I have many very fond memories, BTW, so don't get the wrong idea. We're just so tied up by the nanny-state over here it's hard to explain). I'm jealous.

You can smoke on trains over there?

Ha haa! This site is working. I was getting WAD (Wascal Absence Disorder).

My advice? Smoke the bugger.

Encouragement, is all that is. Try your revolution first, then if it fails, go to your sexy-sounding "lady friend" in NZ, where even the sheep smoke pipes, if the figures are to be believed.

....who smokes a pipe? She sounds sexy.

A headline in yesterday's Guardian newspaper: "Australian smokers will be extinct by 2030, researchers say". "Professor Mike Dweeb [sorry, that should read Daube] of...Curtin University believes the smoking epidemic will end in Australia by 2030, based on the latest figures, and trends for the...

Is it just me, or does the conjunction of the words "toss" and "cigar" conjure up strangenesses for you?

No worries. I'm zipped.

Where'd he go?

Not taking the p*ss, Woo, but how can you appear to disappear? Hee hee!

"Heat applied"? Wouldn't that make the metal expand and wedge it tighter?

Go for it, Woo.

How am I holding up? Nice of you to ask, Cheeze. But luckily none of my friends and family in London were (as far as I know) affected, except possibly for my cousin, who is a Metropolitan Police officer based at Paddington Green police station right by the Edgware Rd explosion. So he may well...

No. I'd crumble the cigar, put it to bed with a sliver of apple, then stick that in my pipe and smoke it.

Genuinely hilarious, Woo. The manager of my netcaff just came over to see what I was laughing at so much. (And that includes your stuff, Psyktek.) I think the word "canadget" is going to permanently enter my vocabulary.

Ah well, there's your answer, Woo. You want a Multistation temp/humidiwhatwasthequestionagain? system. I just make sure it doesn't stick to my fingers. Seems to work.

With respect, Psyktek, I think you missed my point. I was giving a direct answer to a question regarding how could some dried-out tobacco be salvaged, not how could its original flavour be restored, which is obviously impossible. The apple method seems the best in my opinion, but if it...

Good to have you back. Did you buy those corn-cobs? And how's your Gigi going?