ggiese
Well-Known Member
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
By Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." (AKA - Cigar Collecting....)
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I
had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there
should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
By Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." (AKA - Cigar Collecting....)
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I
had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there
should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
) #5 is something that I believed in my heart after I graduated. I would arrive at work at 6:00 a.m. and not leave until 6:00 p.m. Now I look back and think: "What in the hell was I thinking?" It took me two years to get over that sentiment.
