Devil Doc
When Death smiles, Corpsmen smile back
Newly arrived yuppies Biff and Buffy wrote letters to her Mom and Dad that have recently surfaced . . .
Dear Mom and Dad: Biff and I just love it here at Fox Trot Deer Run Pheasants Fly Acres. Finally, our own little piece of God's Country! We put up "No Trespassing" signs right away. Tomorrow we're going berrying on the old Beasom farm up the road, and Sunday we're planning a picnic in our neighbor's wood lot. We feel so wonderfully alive!
Dear folks: There are some downsides here. There are lots of trucks with gun-racks, and we're getting funny looks from neighbors. Also, there's nothing much to do besides outdoor stuff. Good thing we can go to Boston for our "cultural fix!"
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Dear folks: We never realized how much it snows here! We got three inches last night and they wouldn't even call school off. Good thing we had the local TV's Winter Storm Central Weather Alert Watch Advisory Team to keep us informed. They even sent us a free hyperventilating kit, and directions on where to stock up on batteries and bottled water. But (bummer!) the snowplows wake us up at night, and it's hard walking out there in our Birkenstocks.
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Dear Mom: We're trying to go totally "green" by heating the house with used cooking oil from Totally Tofu just up the street. Ordered seeds today. Still haven't found a service station for the Volvo or Saab.
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Dear Dad: Jim's having no luck live-trapping the woodchuck eating our garden. He left for the hardware store muttering something about "lead poisoning" and trading his Saab. He came back with a pickup, a gun-rack and a gun.
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Dear Mom: Yesterday we hired a fumigator for the house, which smelled totally like a fryolator. The couple running the business welcomed us to town, and urged us to join the Kiwanis Club, so we did. They said we could bike and hike on their land anytime we want. People are really nice here!
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Dear parents: Biff shot the woodchuck and has joined the fire department. He bought me a small chainsaw for my birthday. I'm thinking of trading my Volvo for -- you guessed it -- a cute little truck.
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Dear Mom & Dad: Biff and I signed up for the local conservation commission, and are thinking about getting into fishing, and maybe even (gasp!) hunting. Last night we sneaked out and took down all the "No Trespassing" signs.
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Dear folks: After a hectic summer and busy fall, winter's here at last! We've got a freezer full of veggies from the garden, and lots of firewood from around the yard. It's so great to hear those hard-working snow-plow guys go by in the dead of night! I went bird-hunting, and Biff shot a buck. Sorry we've been too busy to get down to Boston. And by the way, those ice-creeper thingies you sent me work just great on Birkenstocks!
By John Harrigan
For the Manchester Union Leader
Sunday March 15, 2009
Dear Mom and Dad: Biff and I just love it here at Fox Trot Deer Run Pheasants Fly Acres. Finally, our own little piece of God's Country! We put up "No Trespassing" signs right away. Tomorrow we're going berrying on the old Beasom farm up the road, and Sunday we're planning a picnic in our neighbor's wood lot. We feel so wonderfully alive!
Dear folks: There are some downsides here. There are lots of trucks with gun-racks, and we're getting funny looks from neighbors. Also, there's nothing much to do besides outdoor stuff. Good thing we can go to Boston for our "cultural fix!"
- - - - - -
Dear folks: We never realized how much it snows here! We got three inches last night and they wouldn't even call school off. Good thing we had the local TV's Winter Storm Central Weather Alert Watch Advisory Team to keep us informed. They even sent us a free hyperventilating kit, and directions on where to stock up on batteries and bottled water. But (bummer!) the snowplows wake us up at night, and it's hard walking out there in our Birkenstocks.
- - - - - -
Dear Mom: We're trying to go totally "green" by heating the house with used cooking oil from Totally Tofu just up the street. Ordered seeds today. Still haven't found a service station for the Volvo or Saab.
- - - - - -
Dear Dad: Jim's having no luck live-trapping the woodchuck eating our garden. He left for the hardware store muttering something about "lead poisoning" and trading his Saab. He came back with a pickup, a gun-rack and a gun.
- - - - - -
Dear Mom: Yesterday we hired a fumigator for the house, which smelled totally like a fryolator. The couple running the business welcomed us to town, and urged us to join the Kiwanis Club, so we did. They said we could bike and hike on their land anytime we want. People are really nice here!
- - - - - -
Dear parents: Biff shot the woodchuck and has joined the fire department. He bought me a small chainsaw for my birthday. I'm thinking of trading my Volvo for -- you guessed it -- a cute little truck.
- - - - - -
Dear Mom & Dad: Biff and I signed up for the local conservation commission, and are thinking about getting into fishing, and maybe even (gasp!) hunting. Last night we sneaked out and took down all the "No Trespassing" signs.
- - - - - -
Dear folks: After a hectic summer and busy fall, winter's here at last! We've got a freezer full of veggies from the garden, and lots of firewood from around the yard. It's so great to hear those hard-working snow-plow guys go by in the dead of night! I went bird-hunting, and Biff shot a buck. Sorry we've been too busy to get down to Boston. And by the way, those ice-creeper thingies you sent me work just great on Birkenstocks!
By John Harrigan
For the Manchester Union Leader
Sunday March 15, 2009
