A number of years ago, I had a buddy whose friend ran a book. He operated out of an Italian restaurant up east. I was going to play the prank on my buddy, but it didn't pan out so I switched my attention to "Joe". I called his home and asked for him by his full name. He answered but said "joe" wasn't home. After a confirming call with my buddy, I called "Joe" back. He answered again with the same response. I told him I was an agent with the FBI and we really needed to talk with "Joe" about the bookmaking at "The Diner". We didn't want to issue and arrest warrant, but would if need be.
He said hold on, shuffled off and came back..."This is Joe" he said.(same voice). I told him we'd been monitoring his activities via a wire tap, and really needed to meet with his to discuss it. After several minutes of telling me he was too busy, I told him I'd just meet him where ever he was going to be with an arrest warrant, and that should help free him up. After a few minutes of thought, he agreed to meet.
After doing some background on street names, stores in the area, landmarks, etc, I laid out a description of exactly where we were to meet, on Monday(this was Friday). I told him not to go back to "The Diner" until after we'd met. I explained that we had numerous names(again, I did my homework) on our list and really wanted them, not him. I told him the car I'd be driving and let him know i knew what car he was driving, so there was no need to try and hide. We had a meet set. Then the fun begins.
I called my buddy immediately to fill him in. I told him not to say anything til Monday, so we could let it ride out. He agreed to call "The Diner" to make sure they knew what was up. The entire bar(all regulars) were filled in and would play along. Yup, it was really set up.
I later found out he called my buddy to bust his balls for doing something like this. My buddy flatly denied it and told him he's full of shit. He'd been with his wife all day and couldn't have set him up. Freaked out, "Joe" heads down to "The Diner". Upon walking in, he immediately told them not to answer the phone; that it'd been tapped and he was in the shit. He orders his regular drink but demands a double. Pounds that one and orders another. He starts popping pills like tic tac's(yup, he was a pill head to boot) and is paranoid as hell.
Not to be left out of the fun, regulars walk up to him asking him the odds on this game or that game, and wanting action on anything they could think of. With each person, he screams, "I don't know you or what you're taking about!", and pushes them away. At this point, he's sweating profusely, turning red a s a beet and continues pounding liquor like a drunken sailor.
My buddy calls and the owner answered the house phone. "I told you not to answer the fucking phone, damn it", "Joe" says! "It's "Johnny", he wants to know the odds on the Dallas game. He want's to get action down.", the owner says. "Joe" comes up out of his bar stool screaming, "I don't know no fucking "Johnny", I don't know no odds and I ain't taking shit from him. HANG THE FUCKING PHONE UP!"
This went on for a couple hours, and admittedly, "Joe" was getting dangerously drunk and pilled up. The owner called my buddy and told him "Joe" wasn't gonna make it til Monday, going the way he was. They decided to pull the plug on the joke.
"Johnny" drives down to "The Diner" to fill him in on the joke. When he arrives, "Joe" immediately goes off on him telling him the "fucking bar has been tapped and they were all going to prison." "Joe" fills him in on all of the details and how he was going to skip town on Saturday, and for him not to make contact until it's clear.
"Johnny" says, "what did the agent sound like". "Fuck you man, he sounded like a fucking FBI agent", "Joe" says.
"No, what did he sound like? Did he sound like he's from NY, Boston, etc", "Johnny" asks.
"He sounded like a fucking hillbilly, ass hole! That's what the FBI guys do. They come from all over!", "Joe" responds.
"Remember when my buddy from Kentucky came up here a couple years ago? Floyd, from Kentucky", "Johnny" says.
Irritated, "Joe" says, "what the fuck does Floyd have to do with this shit? I'm going to fucking prison, you ass hole!"
Sheepishly "Johnny" says, "did it sound like Floyd's accent? He is from Kentucky!"
"The Diner" is silent, at this point. About thirty seconds go by while "Joe" is processing all of this through his depressant/alcohol laden brain, then the light goes off!!! Off the bar stool he came, "I'm gonna kill all of you mother fuckers! I swear, I'm gonna kill each and every one of you, I swear!" He goes after "Johnny", chasing him around "The Diner". A couple of the regulars get him corralled and settled down a bit. After about half an hour, then he began to see the humor in it all and was ok.
Fast forward about a year, I went and had an "Appreciation" plaque made from the FBI(made up of course) with the agents name I used, thanking him for his cooperation with their "investigation". I delivered it in person, and gave it to him at "The Diner". We all had a good laugh, albeit his laugh was still a bit strained. The plaque was proudly displayed on the wall in "The Diner" until they went out of business several years later.
That's one of them. If you're still reading, hopefully I didn't bore you. All parts are true and the names have been changed to protect the innocent(and dead).
Floyd T
