I was surfing the web and ran across this scathing editorial. I thought someone might need a chuckle!
"The Truth About Flavored Cigars
What is a woman? Or is it even necessary to enumerate the many qualities of the fairer sex? Among these qualities rank intricacy, and delicateness - sometimes powerless in a cute way. But above all, should be mentioned sweetness. To contrast, what is man? Man is a brutish figure in comparison embodying power; motive force to get things done. He is the creature that pleasures in fire and earth.
What type of cigar parallels these two aspects of us? Of course I speak of flavored cigars for the woman, and the traditional natural cigar for a man. Flavored cigars embody what a woman is, sweet in taste and smell. It is entirely appropriate to see a woman smoking something that accompanies her nature. Now a man¹s cigar. This stick is earthy and strong, tasting of burning tobacco in its native qualities only.
So why is it that so many men come into my shop and ask for a flavored cigar? I'll tell you why - you're a transvestite. When you ask me for a cigar that is "small and tastes like vanilla", don't you realize you asked me to pick out a pair of pumps for you? Don't you realize that when a man smokes a flavored cigar he might as well be in drag? Don't make me an accomplice to your little smoke fetish. If you want to smoke something flavored then do it just like a closet cross dresser: like when you order something from Victorias Secret.com late at night with your shame only illuminated by the blue light glow of your computer monitor so low you can barely make out your poster of J. Edgar Hoover. No really, go out to a bar dressed like a woman and do whatever it is you do. See if I care. Just pick up your Oliveros and get out of my store. I know your secret.
And don't think you¹re off the hook if you get a flavored cigar that has a tough name like Gurkha or Acid. Yeah, I'm sure all of those crack turkish soldiers when coming home from a tough day or trading lead with the enemy and bleeding testosterone lit up a cigar flavored with Louis XIII cognac. Is Acid any better? Do you think smoking a leaf that tastes like Scope and Right Guard is what a man should be doing? And don't bother asking me for rolling papers either! This is a smoke shop, not Berkeley circa 1965! Screw you, hippie! Maybe you should use your draft card to roll your wacky-tobacky, you didn't mind burning that anyway did you?! You make me sick.
So you see, let's give the flavored cigars back to the women. Smoke a real cigar or try on your wife's bras when she¹s not home. It's the same thing.
Yours in Smoking and Drinking,"
James K. Polkmore
"The Truth About Flavored Cigars
What is a woman? Or is it even necessary to enumerate the many qualities of the fairer sex? Among these qualities rank intricacy, and delicateness - sometimes powerless in a cute way. But above all, should be mentioned sweetness. To contrast, what is man? Man is a brutish figure in comparison embodying power; motive force to get things done. He is the creature that pleasures in fire and earth.
What type of cigar parallels these two aspects of us? Of course I speak of flavored cigars for the woman, and the traditional natural cigar for a man. Flavored cigars embody what a woman is, sweet in taste and smell. It is entirely appropriate to see a woman smoking something that accompanies her nature. Now a man¹s cigar. This stick is earthy and strong, tasting of burning tobacco in its native qualities only.
So why is it that so many men come into my shop and ask for a flavored cigar? I'll tell you why - you're a transvestite. When you ask me for a cigar that is "small and tastes like vanilla", don't you realize you asked me to pick out a pair of pumps for you? Don't you realize that when a man smokes a flavored cigar he might as well be in drag? Don't make me an accomplice to your little smoke fetish. If you want to smoke something flavored then do it just like a closet cross dresser: like when you order something from Victorias Secret.com late at night with your shame only illuminated by the blue light glow of your computer monitor so low you can barely make out your poster of J. Edgar Hoover. No really, go out to a bar dressed like a woman and do whatever it is you do. See if I care. Just pick up your Oliveros and get out of my store. I know your secret.
And don't think you¹re off the hook if you get a flavored cigar that has a tough name like Gurkha or Acid. Yeah, I'm sure all of those crack turkish soldiers when coming home from a tough day or trading lead with the enemy and bleeding testosterone lit up a cigar flavored with Louis XIII cognac. Is Acid any better? Do you think smoking a leaf that tastes like Scope and Right Guard is what a man should be doing? And don't bother asking me for rolling papers either! This is a smoke shop, not Berkeley circa 1965! Screw you, hippie! Maybe you should use your draft card to roll your wacky-tobacky, you didn't mind burning that anyway did you?! You make me sick.
So you see, let's give the flavored cigars back to the women. Smoke a real cigar or try on your wife's bras when she¹s not home. It's the same thing.
Yours in Smoking and Drinking,"
James K. Polkmore
