So he does know which stores have them. Wonder how he chose which retailers he was going to reward...
I'd like to think it was a little bit like this:
Johnson contacted the
San Diego Wild Animal Park (or WAP as we locals call it) in the Summer of 2009 and told them who he is. Astonished at his celebrity status, the managers obliged to give Pete free reign of the park and whatever his heart desires.
Pete tells them about his
Holiday Limited Super Crazy Hard To Get Cigar release this Halloween,
The Drac/Boris Fiasco. He tells them about the
Spooky Tickets, and says he needs to find a way to decide which B&Ms get the tickets in their boxes.
While walking around the park, Pete notices the
Chimpanzee Exhibit, in particular he sees
Bangles the World Famous Bike-Riding Chimp, and asks the zookeepers if he could see
Bangles in action. The zookeepers tells a story of woe for this washed up bicycle-riding extraordinaire, weaving a tale of
drugs,
alcohol abuse, and finally an
abortion for
Bangles. Calmly explaining that she is out of the racing business,
Johnson looks into her eyes. He stares at her for hours, until, finally, they connect.
Channeling Jane Goodall, he teaches
Bangles to ride a bike again. This doesn't take much effort, seeing as the expression "it's just like riding a bike" seems to hold as true for chimps as it does for humans. Soon,
Bangles is off, racing about the zoo, throwing poop and enamoring her spectators.
Pete sees how happy
Bangles is, now that she's back in the saddle, and decides he never wants to let her go.
Pete sets forth a proposition to the WAP, promising a limited edition run of
39 cigars in tribute to
Bangles called the "
Easy Chimp-Rider," and a subsequent re-release of 1,200 boxes of cigars as a tribute to the "Easy Chimp-Rider" limited edition cigar run called "
Captain America and Bangles."
The zoo obliges, and
Pete decides to use
Bangles and several of her cohorts to host a monkey race to determine which B&Ms get the "Spooky Tickets." Being that monkey-racing is illegal here in California, and subsequently the United States,
Johnson decides to host it in China.
In this very limited footage, you can catch
Pete in the front row, cheering on
Bangles (the lead monkey), and the crowd goes wild:
Tatuaje Monkey Race (China)
Shortly after this taping,
Bangles' heart exploded from the stress of the race. Her havoc lifestyle and constant drug abuse precipitated this health issue, and caused quite a mourning in her hometown of Nebraska.
So, I'll be looking for the Spring release of the "Easy Chimp-Rider," honoring Bangles for giving her life for Tatuaje cigar smokers everywhere. When asked if Bangles held a place in Pete's heart, he answered, "She's more like whoa to me than a Ducati..." Not really sure what that means.
There you have it Tom. Now, the real question is this: Who is more insane? Me, for typing all of this, or
YOU, the Cigar Pass reader, for reading the whole thing through?? ???
