kann
One Leg Of Fury.
Ok, not sure if I should really post this here or not, but I need to get it out, and I think the fact that I don't really know any of you that well, personally, is actually beneficial in this case. This is one of the few forums I visit (of the very few forums I visit...) that I'm not a FOG, myself, as well as the fact that there are many here who are much older and experienced in life than myself from whom I hope to glean some advice and/or opinion in the matter.
To put it out right out there: my mom is dying. I mean, it might be down to a matter of weeks at this point. In June '09 she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, late Stage 3, and was subsequently gutted like a fish. She was alright for a while, but earlier this year it recurred and yesterday when she went for another round of chemotherapy, she was admitted to the hospital immediately, as it was found that it spread and is quite advanced at this point. I have only talked to my sister, who has pretty good medical and medicinal knowledge due to her career in the medical field. She's been the "translator" for all of us in this. My mother is still pretty drugged up right now and is in and out of consciousness. I'm hoping to talk to her today. I'm in Germany, and there's a six hour time difference, which is not helping communication matters any.
So, to get to the mental/emotional conflict... I'm 5,000 miles away. If need be, I can have us back in PA in 24 hours. Realistically and practically, there's more to it than just packing bags and jumping on the next flight back. My wife and I are a military family. We have lived all around the world, and due to this, my mother has rarely seen her two granddaughters, such is a military existence. Until I just thought about it, I didn't even bat an eye at the fact that three out of the four of us (my two daughters and I) haven't been back to the States in over a year. I'm completely fine with that, except for now realizing what those that matter have been missing. Our oldest will be eleven years old in about two weeks. She just started 6th grade yesterday. Our youngest is four and a half and is in a Montessori Pre-K here. My wife is currently TDY back in the states since early July and due home in about three weeks. Of course, I'm upset about the whole situation, but I'm OK. I know what to expect and I know what's coming. It will suck, but I'm prepared for it. What is eating me, though, is that I thought about it, and in four and a half years (my youngest), it will be optimistic to guess my mother has seen her youngest granddaughter for a total of 30 days. One month in a four-year-old's life. Our daughter knows who she is, and asks about her on the phone and stuff. My wife's father died right before my mom had her surgery in 2009, so we were up there for that. In fact, our girls stayed with my mother while my wife and I were at her dad's bedside when he passed away. Our youngest was too young to know what was going on, but our oldest understood and seemed to take it well, but still upset that she would never get to see him again, and that she didn't get to see him when she was so close up there before he died. It hurts me, as a parent, to think about that, but I do think it was for the best, as he was unconscious and in the ICU. Not a place for a child. She'll understand one day.
I don't want to put them through that again. I want my mom to get to see her granddaughters. She was never in a situation to just up and visit us wherever we were anytime she wanted. She really should have seen them more and had them be more of a part of each others' lives. I obviously need more information, as far as diagnosis and prognosis before I can really make any decisions, which I hope to have later tonight (my time). Even if she is given months-to-a-year left, they all need to see each other. Do I just whisk them away back to the States? It's easier to do with my youngest, since it's just Pre-K. She'll miss a lot, but it's not critical. Our oldest just started back to school. It would be a great negative impact to take her out now for weeks; possibly open-ended. My wife will have to return to Germany to go back to work, and I'm sure will get emergency leave when the time comes. Again, I know I need more information from her doctors. I'm just running off of a scrambling brain right now. I hate being half a world a way. I've always been there for her in every capacity I could when I could, but I feel helpless over here, now.
Thirty days. She's seen and played with her for a month out of her entire life. She's had more time with our oldest, obviously, but it shouldn't be like this. She needs to spend time with these girls, and I don't know how to make that happen at this point, if it isn't already even too late. I know that is just how life works in the adult real world, but I still feel terrible about it. I don't want either of them to wake up one morning and have her gone, not getting to see or talk to her again. I don't want my oldest to go through what she experienced with the death of her grandfather again.
I don't even really know what I'm getting at, here, I guess. It's just kind of cathartic to put this out there, since it is swirling in my head. There are many older parents and grandparents, even, here on the forum. How would you handle it? What would you expect of your children/grandchildren? Thanks for letting me ramble. Rod, feel free to delete if you want.
To put it out right out there: my mom is dying. I mean, it might be down to a matter of weeks at this point. In June '09 she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, late Stage 3, and was subsequently gutted like a fish. She was alright for a while, but earlier this year it recurred and yesterday when she went for another round of chemotherapy, she was admitted to the hospital immediately, as it was found that it spread and is quite advanced at this point. I have only talked to my sister, who has pretty good medical and medicinal knowledge due to her career in the medical field. She's been the "translator" for all of us in this. My mother is still pretty drugged up right now and is in and out of consciousness. I'm hoping to talk to her today. I'm in Germany, and there's a six hour time difference, which is not helping communication matters any.
So, to get to the mental/emotional conflict... I'm 5,000 miles away. If need be, I can have us back in PA in 24 hours. Realistically and practically, there's more to it than just packing bags and jumping on the next flight back. My wife and I are a military family. We have lived all around the world, and due to this, my mother has rarely seen her two granddaughters, such is a military existence. Until I just thought about it, I didn't even bat an eye at the fact that three out of the four of us (my two daughters and I) haven't been back to the States in over a year. I'm completely fine with that, except for now realizing what those that matter have been missing. Our oldest will be eleven years old in about two weeks. She just started 6th grade yesterday. Our youngest is four and a half and is in a Montessori Pre-K here. My wife is currently TDY back in the states since early July and due home in about three weeks. Of course, I'm upset about the whole situation, but I'm OK. I know what to expect and I know what's coming. It will suck, but I'm prepared for it. What is eating me, though, is that I thought about it, and in four and a half years (my youngest), it will be optimistic to guess my mother has seen her youngest granddaughter for a total of 30 days. One month in a four-year-old's life. Our daughter knows who she is, and asks about her on the phone and stuff. My wife's father died right before my mom had her surgery in 2009, so we were up there for that. In fact, our girls stayed with my mother while my wife and I were at her dad's bedside when he passed away. Our youngest was too young to know what was going on, but our oldest understood and seemed to take it well, but still upset that she would never get to see him again, and that she didn't get to see him when she was so close up there before he died. It hurts me, as a parent, to think about that, but I do think it was for the best, as he was unconscious and in the ICU. Not a place for a child. She'll understand one day.
I don't want to put them through that again. I want my mom to get to see her granddaughters. She was never in a situation to just up and visit us wherever we were anytime she wanted. She really should have seen them more and had them be more of a part of each others' lives. I obviously need more information, as far as diagnosis and prognosis before I can really make any decisions, which I hope to have later tonight (my time). Even if she is given months-to-a-year left, they all need to see each other. Do I just whisk them away back to the States? It's easier to do with my youngest, since it's just Pre-K. She'll miss a lot, but it's not critical. Our oldest just started back to school. It would be a great negative impact to take her out now for weeks; possibly open-ended. My wife will have to return to Germany to go back to work, and I'm sure will get emergency leave when the time comes. Again, I know I need more information from her doctors. I'm just running off of a scrambling brain right now. I hate being half a world a way. I've always been there for her in every capacity I could when I could, but I feel helpless over here, now.
Thirty days. She's seen and played with her for a month out of her entire life. She's had more time with our oldest, obviously, but it shouldn't be like this. She needs to spend time with these girls, and I don't know how to make that happen at this point, if it isn't already even too late. I know that is just how life works in the adult real world, but I still feel terrible about it. I don't want either of them to wake up one morning and have her gone, not getting to see or talk to her again. I don't want my oldest to go through what she experienced with the death of her grandfather again.
I don't even really know what I'm getting at, here, I guess. It's just kind of cathartic to put this out there, since it is swirling in my head. There are many older parents and grandparents, even, here on the forum. How would you handle it? What would you expect of your children/grandchildren? Thanks for letting me ramble. Rod, feel free to delete if you want.
