moki
el Presidente
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2003
- Messages
- 9,415
Something to offend everyone part I
-----------------------------------
--> What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
--> What is a yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
--> Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
--> What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One U.S. Leader.
--> What do you see when the Pillsbury dough boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
--> Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
--> Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.
Something to offend everyone part II (just warming up!)
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--> What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
--> What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
--> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 Lbs.
--> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 Minutes.
--> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
--> Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
--> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
--> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
--> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
--> A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who hasthe biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
--> What's the difference between a porcupine and bmw?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
--> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
--> What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1, and deer nuts are always under a buck.
--> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
--> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
--> Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on tuesday and thursday, the sex ed class uses it.
Something to offend everyone, part III (just great stuff)
---------------------------------------------------------
--> What's the cuban national anthem?
"Row, row, row your boat"
--> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
--> What would you call it when an italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
--> What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
--> What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with... "A recipe".
--> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the f... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *bingo*!
--> What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."
-----------------------------------
--> What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
--> What is a yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
--> Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
--> What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One U.S. Leader.
--> What do you see when the Pillsbury dough boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
--> Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
--> Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.
Something to offend everyone part II (just warming up!)
-------------------------------------------------------
--> What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
--> What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
--> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 Lbs.
--> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 Minutes.
--> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
--> Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
--> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
--> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
--> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
--> A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who hasthe biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
--> What's the difference between a porcupine and bmw?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
--> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
--> What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1, and deer nuts are always under a buck.
--> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
--> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
--> Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on tuesday and thursday, the sex ed class uses it.
Something to offend everyone, part III (just great stuff)
---------------------------------------------------------
--> What's the cuban national anthem?
"Row, row, row your boat"
--> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
--> What would you call it when an italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
--> What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
--> What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with... "A recipe".
--> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the f... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *bingo*!
--> What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."
