Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

[Thoughts]

Figured that I would go ahead and get some Eyerolls and heavy sighs from someone other than my wife. So I’m starting a dad joke thread. Feel free to add your own favorites!

Apparently, Steve Irwin was planning on coming out with a sunscreen line before he died. However, during testing phase it failed out…

Turns out, it did not protect from harmful rays

 

[cabaiguan juan]

Figured that I would go ahead and get some Eyerolls and heavy sighs from someone other than my wife. So I’m starting a dad joke thread. Feel free to add your own favorites!

Apparently, Steve Irwin was planning on coming out with a sunscreen line before he died. However, during testing phase it failed out…

Turns out, it did not protect from harmful rays

Too soon.

 

[Gavin]

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?



In case he got a hole in one.


What happened to the frog that parked illegally?




He got toad.

 

[Thoughts]

A guy walks into a pet store. “You got any bees?“ The pet store owner says “sure, how many do you want?“ The guy says “give me a dozen bees.“

The owner lines up 13 bees on the counter and counts them out.“Here you go, that should be all of them.“ The guy looks at the counter and says, “no I want to 12 bees, what’s this extra one?” Pet shop owner says, “that’s a freebee.”

 

[kann]

Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Everywhere.

 

[Scap]

Three guys walk into a bar......


Remember those days?!?!

 

[modo22]

I am going to love this thread!! thank you!

 

[Thoughts]

I dropped my watch at a party. I saw it on the ground but before I could get to it, a guy stepped on it while harassing a girl. I punched him square in the nose! No one does that to a lady...not on my watch.

 

[drunkfish3]

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

He felt crummy.

 

[Scap]

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "why the long face?"

 

[jbfurdog]

What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into a tree?

Poetry!

 

[drunkfish3]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be baygulls

 

[Scap]

Ever noticed how when geese fly they form a V shape? Usually, one side is longer than the other. Do you know why?



More birds!

 

[Scap]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be baygulls

What about the ones that fly over the Walmart not far from here?
FYI, I'm 50+ miles inland. Lol

 

[Thoughts]

Ever noticed how when geese fly they form a V shape? Usually, one side is longer than the other. Do you know why?



More birds!

This reminded me of another joke, what do you call someone that eats 3.14 pies....fat, you call them fat. Yours was much better tho.

 

[The Black Cloud]

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

Why did the birdie go to the doctor? It needed a tweetment.

 

[drunkfish3]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9


What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese

 

[Scap]

Are "Little Johnny" jokes appropriate for this thread?

 

[Thoughts]

Are "Little Johnny" jokes appropriate for this thread?

Absolutely

 

[Scap]

One of the cleaner ones....lol

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding
at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is
greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly
hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and
greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him
$40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the
mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then
come give your daddy a great big hug!"