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FOG jokes

CigarStone

CigarStone

For once, knowledge is making me poor!
Joined
Mar 7, 2007
Messages
12,623
Location
Northeast, Ohio
First Name
Jeff
Swiisy and Preembargo are driving down the street at a blazing speed (14 MPH) and cruise right through a stop sign. About a minute later Swissy says to Preembargo "hey.....you just went through that stop sign" after a long silence, Preembargo says "huh.......am I driving?"
 
School is in and all the good little FOG'S are sitting in Mr.Ginseng's math class.

Mr. Ginseng turns to the class and says who can tell me what 2+2 is.
Well right away little Pree puts his hand into the air and says 4.

Very good Pree says Mr. Ginseng. And who can tell me what 4+4 is.
Well Little Swissy knows this one so he yells out 8. Very good Swissy.

Mr. Ginseng asks the class who can answer a story problem.
Well little smokyballs puts his hand up right away, Mr. Ginseng calls on him.

OK Smokyballs if there are three birds sitting on a phone line and you shoot one, how many will be left.
Well little Smokyballs thinks for a minute and says zero.

Mr. Ginseng says I'm sorry Smokyballs there would be two left. but I want to know how you came up with your answer.
Smokyballs says, well if I shoot at one bird the other two would hear it and fly away. Mr Ginsengs says well that's very good reasoning.

Smokyballs says I have one for you teach.
OK replies Mr. Ginseng.

If there are three ladies sitting on a park bench, and they are all eating ice cream.
One is licking it,one is bitting it and the other is sucking on it which one is married.

Mr Ginseng thinks for a moment and says the one sucking on it.

No! says little smokyballs it's the one with the ring. But I like your reasoning.

I'm not much for trash talk, but JOKES I can do.
 
Preembargo and smokeyball are driving down a country road going to their 'gay but married' counseling session, when they run across a sheep w/ its head caught in the fence. Pre, always the opportunist, jumps out and screws the sheep. After, he looks back at smokesomeonesballs, and says "you want some of this?" Smokey runs out and sticks his head in the fence.
 
Gator said:
Preembargo and smokeyball are driving down a country road going to their 'gay but married' counseling session, when they run across a sheep w/ its head caught in the fence. Pre, always the opportunist, jumps out and screws the sheep. After, he looks back at smokesomeonesballs, and says "you want some of this?" Smokey runs out and sticks his head in the fence.
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
I was kinda thinking about "old fart" type jokes...............

As long as it doesn't get nasty. Remember, even the best jokes out there have died a quick death because of political correctness.
 
Old fart jokes, eh?



At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father Swissy to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk with the administrators.

Swissy started to tilt slowly toward the left. A Doctor came by and said, "Let me help you." The Doctor piled several pillows on the left side of Swissy so he would stay upright.

Swissy started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright.

Swissy started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. About this time, the son returned.

"Well, Dad, isn't this a nice place."

Swissy replied, "I guess it's ok, but they won't let me fart."
 
what's the difference between a FOG and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull your meat out
 
A senator was touring an old FOG's home to determine if they were worthy of a state grant.

As the senator was escorted around the home he happened by Smokyball's room and noticed he was swinging an imaginary golf club. The senator said "what are you doing?" Smokyball's said "I am Tiger Woods, I am going to Hawaii next week to play golf"

Next he happened by Ginseng's room and noticed he was swinging an imaginary baseball bat. The senator said "what are you doing?" Wilkey replied "I am Barry Bonds, I am going to San Fransisco next week to play baseball"

Next he happen by MiamiCubano's room and noticed he was lying on his back with a pile of peanuts beside him. MC was carefully placing one peanut at a time on the end of his penis and slightly wiggling around, he would then place that nut in a pile on the other side of him. After MC did this several times the senator said "what are you doing?" MC replied "I'm fucking nuts and I'm not going anywhere!"
 
Some friends of Miami Cubano decided to get him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. She went to his house and knocked on the door. Upon opening it she said "Hi I am your birthday present." He responded, "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I am yours for super sex", she answers. He replies: "Well I am 90 years old so I will take the soup."
 
Swissy goes to the doctor. The next day the phone rings in the Swissy home, Swissy is changing his depends so Mrs. Swissy takes the call. The doctors office says "I'm afraid we have some disturbing news, we have mixed up some patient records from yesterday..............luckily we only had two patients yesterday. Now Mrs' Swissy, one of these patients had AIDS and one had Alzheimer's". Mrs' Swissy if very upset and cries "oh what ever shall I do" The doctor says "my best advice is to send him out for a walk, if he comes back, don't have sex with him"
 
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? We call him Wilkey. He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!....... I tell you, I just shit my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."

Wilkey shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
JHolmes763 said:
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? We call him Wilkey. He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!....... I tell you, I just shit my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."

Wilkey shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"
Click to expand...
OMG - I think I just wet myself, AGAIN! funny as all get out.
 
I can't choose an FOG so you insert your favorite FOG into this one...

FOG ___________ goes in to the doctor and says, "Doc, I have a problem. Every morning at 7 I have a (bowel) movement." The doctor replies astonishingly, "That's great! Everyone should go at least once a day.....so what's the problem?" FOG ___________ sullenly replies, "I don't wake up 'til 8."
 
Devil Doc was performing a physical on Deon Sanders, and when Deon dropped his pants, he had a wanky that hung to his knees. (after getting past the urge to grab it) Devil Doc asked Deon how did it get so big. Deon replied "every night before i go to bed, i walk around and whack it on the bedposts, and it works". So, Devil Doc, being blessed w/ 3" of baby dick, decides he'll try it. His wife is asleep w/ her back to him, so he pulls out his mini-pud and starts tapping it on the bedposts. Mrs. DD stirs and says "Deon, is that you"?
 
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