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AND THE WINNERS ARE.........2003 Mid Year Darwin Award Winners
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for some of this year's
Darwin Awards, here they are.
The awards this year are, once again, truly classic. These awards are
given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who
through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think.....until
these events, these people were walking the streets like normal people.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
5th RUNNER-UP Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit
a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the
slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at
Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono
County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump
alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.
Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used
to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the
pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has
since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with
its pad removed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly
in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,
Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without
paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics
removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
death.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party
(probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the
22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
lips, teeth, and tongue.
Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during
the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it
in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It
wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He
put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his
lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded
condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a
spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man
shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will
be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain
Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head,
but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the
arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have
been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull
the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking
that afternoon. Said Roberts, I feel so dumb about this." No charges
have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office
said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at
the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18
beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck
over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend
over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and
broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his
fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing
his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he
put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under
it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a
knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet
in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win!
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for some of this year's
Darwin Awards, here they are.
The awards this year are, once again, truly classic. These awards are
given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who
through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think.....until
these events, these people were walking the streets like normal people.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
5th RUNNER-UP Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit
a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the
slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at
Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono
County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump
alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.
Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used
to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the
pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has
since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with
its pad removed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly
in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,
Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without
paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics
removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
death.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party
(probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the
22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
lips, teeth, and tongue.
Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during
the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it
in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It
wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He
put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his
lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded
condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a
spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man
shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will
be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain
Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head,
but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the
arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have
been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull
the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking
that afternoon. Said Roberts, I feel so dumb about this." No charges
have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office
said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at
the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18
beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck
over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend
over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and
broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his
fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing
his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he
put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under
it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a
knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet
in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win!
