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A little LAW enforcement humor

enerjay

enerjay

Active Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2007
Messages
1,192
The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car
videos around the USA.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help.. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? .... You're right, we don't.
Sign here.
 
Those sound about right. Here's one my office uses:

"we're from the governemnt and we're here to help."

If we can get that one in the we usualyy buy that person lunch or a round after work.....
 
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
Click to expand...

This is one of mt personal favorites, I use it very often when I make traffic stops at Fort Hood. The look on the drivers face is so worth the a$$ chewing I get from the shift supervisor :thumbs:
 
The best I can add to them is this.

I was ridding with my uncle, In his Mercedes (not sure with one). We were traveling south on I-75 up near Gaylord Michigan.

His speedo was tacked out at 140 when we went past a cop at like 4am.

The cop said I have you clocked at 130, My uncle said "that can't be right, I know the speedometer is accurate, I had to be doing 140-141.

The officer came back to the car with a warning and a 5 over ticket .

Always pays to tell the truth. LOL
 
Thanks for the laugh. I like 13 and 5. I don't care who they are, they get ran in NCIC. I am often surprised at what I find. Just the other day I had a lawyer with a warrant. :laugh: oh and foot pursuits.... run... go ahead... please? :laugh: Good times!!

Brandon
 
I remember the oldie but goody that went something like this.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Driver: No.

Cop: You were speeding.

Driver? Speeding? That's bull crap! I saw you behind me, and while you were there, five or six other cars sped right past YOU. They were definitely going faster than I was. Why didn't you pull THEM over.

Cop: Let me ask you something. Have you ever been fishing before?

Driver (confused): Fishing? Um....yeah, why?

Cop: Have you ever caught a fish?

Driver: Yeah, why?

Cop: Have you ever caught ALL the fish?

(think about it) ;)
 
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