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Ahhhh Woman Woes

Turk10mm

Turk10mm

Just smokin
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
782
Location
Houston, Tx
So, my girlfriend was doing good with me smoking the occasional cigar. Her dad is a Whiskey buff and has a small humidor with some nice ISOM's that he breaks out now and again, so its not like she isn't used to it. Well, we were in Central America on business/vacation and I had a chance to smoke some nice cigars on the company nickel, well the client nickel. I decided when I got back home that I was going to start poking around and maybe get my own collection of smokes going.

Everything up to this point is good. I purchased a humidor and about 40 various smokes and start doing internet research and now posting on here. Everything is still good.... Until, I go outside this evening and light up a Short Story on the patio. Next thing I know she's not talking to me, giving me the evil eye, and finally outright griping at me. Well, I come to find out that my smoking frequency has been higher than she expected. I've smoked 3 cigars since Saturday, and today's set her off.

She's upset that I had recently quit smoking cigarettes, which has actually been no problem, and replaced it with cigars. I understand her point, and in some ways it is a replacement. My logic is that I'm able to smoke something that makes me happy, but isn't the 15 year vice that I'd had with cigarettes. I won't smoke el cheapos from the drug store, and I sure as heck can't afford to smoke the goodies on a daily or multiple times daily basis. So if I smoke a few cigars a week, I should have no problem. '

Well, her opinion is different. She assumed that I would smoke on Sundays (when I fly remote control helicopters) and special occasions only. This means, at most 1 cigar a week. I tried to explain to her that because this is a new hobby that I'm entering into, I don't know what I like or don't like and that there is going to be some eager experimentation at the beginning.

I have already tried asking her if she'd smoke with me, but she flat refuses. So we came to an agreement that I would watch my intake of cigars carefully and not smoke just to smoke, but really savor them. Her limit is 1 to 2 a week. I advised her that I would prefer to not have a limit, but instead be allowed self control. Hell, I'm 31 years old for pete's sake.

So, I think I have quelled the issue for the moment. But I'll be damned if I'll be smoking a cigar for a few days, to prove my restraint..

Signed,
Smokeless in Houston :angry:
 
PS, she's never given me an inch of griping about any other hobby or activity of mine. I know she's concerned about my health, but jeez.
 
My girl friend worries about me as well....but she would NEVER dare to set a limit. (I smoke about 3ish a week) I dont think its her right to set a limit...its my duty to protect myself, not hers. Honestly, I would work out a way to tell her to get off your back...or get on her about something that she does that she enjoys/one of her hobbies. Oh, 1 more thing----she's not your wife yet......
 
patty.jpg
 
All I can say bro is be careful of what precedences you set now. If one day you might be married to this girl, best that she begin to understand what in your life is not up for compromise. Cuz everything else will be. And on most of it, you will lose. Why do men lose, because we don't like to argue. Women f'n love to argue. They live for it. So we give in.

If she's a long-termer, set your boundaries.
 
Turk10mm said:
......But I'll be damned if I'll be smoking a cigar for a few days, to prove my restraint..

Signed,
Smokeless in Houston :angry:
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That'll do it...!! Declare your independence by doing exactly what she wants you to do. Oh, wait a minute...... :laugh:

Good luck.....sounds like you'll need it.....B.B.S.
 
She is a long term thing. I'll probably marry her. I know she's concerned that I quit smoking a month ago and cigars popped up around the same time. I quit smoking cigs for myself, not for her. But I would like to continue the 15 year tradition of having a smoke. I love smoking, always have, always will. I am in love with cigarettes, but I don't want to die from them after smoking a pack a day for 55% of my life at 31.

So i figured I could smoke something a bit more special, and not near as often.

But she's concerned that i'll start smoking cigars as a direct replacement, which is not the case.
 
Turk10mm said:
She is a long term thing. I'll probably marry her. I know she's concerned that I quit smoking a month ago and cigars popped up around the same time. I quit smoking cigs for myself, not for her. But I would like to continue the 15 year tradition of having a smoke. I love smoking, always have, always will. I am in love with cigarettes, but I don't want to die from them after smoking a pack a day for 55% of my life at 31.

So i figured I could smoke something a bit more special, and not near as often.

But she's concerned that i'll start smoking cigars as a direct replacement, which is not the case.
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I'm not an expert bro, but you sound like you have a pretty good handle on this. You're looking at the right angles.
 
tsmckenney said:
Turk10mm said:
She is a long term thing. I'll probably marry her. I know she's concerned that I quit smoking a month ago and cigars popped up around the same time. I quit smoking cigs for myself, not for her. But I would like to continue the 15 year tradition of having a smoke. I love smoking, always have, always will. I am in love with cigarettes, but I don't want to die from them after smoking a pack a day for 55% of my life at 31.

So i figured I could smoke something a bit more special, and not near as often.

But she's concerned that i'll start smoking cigars as a direct replacement, which is not the case.
Click to expand...

I'm not an expert bro, but you sound like you have a pretty good handle on this. You're looking at the right angles.
Click to expand...

Yep, seems the same to me. Best of luck dude.
 
Find something she does that annoys you, and harp endlessly about it until she stops. Then, once she stops, go out to the porch and light up.

The key to a successful relationship is being able to out-annoy your partner.
 
tomthirtysix said:
Find something she does that annoys you, and harp endlessly about it until she stops. Then, once she stops, go out to the porch and light up.

The key to a successful relationship is being able to out-annoy your partner.
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:laugh: :thumbs: :cool:
 
She has to learn to accept who you are. Especially if marriage is in the plans. Some things are negotiable and some are not. It's up to you to decide what is and what isn't and to let her know.

My wife really doesn't like my cigar hobby. She gives me the business about it occasionally, but she knows it's important to me and would never try to tell me how to enjoy it.

A lot of people will tell you that relationships are about compromise. That's nonsense. Relationships are about learning to deal with each other's faults and differences without trying to impose one another's will on their partner. Compromise stinks, nobody gets what they want and nobody ends up happy. If something is important to your partner, it is something you just have to learn to deal with and vice versa. If it's not that important there's no reason to have conflict about it. If compromise has a place at all in relationships, it is in dealing with the little things that just aren't that important.

Its more important than you may realize that you both work out a way to deal with this. As your relationship gets closer to marriage more of these types of things will come up. By then you'll either have a way of working things out that you both can live with or you'll be a beaten man. :laugh:
 
I agree with what everyone has said so far. The only suggestion I can add is this. Is it possible to smoke when she is not around? I usually smoke 2-3 times a week, but on those days, my wife is with her parents so I have time to myself.

On the rare occassion that I do smoke when she's home, it's always outside and I usually take a shower and freshen up afterwards out of respect for her. This may work for you if your girlfriend just thinks they're "gross" and doesn't want you to smoke for that reason.

Otherwise, if you're able to do it when she's not home (or out with the guys), then what she won't know won't hurt her.

But be careful.....if she is doing this because she CARES about you, then I would think she should understand that taking something away that makes you happy is only going to cause tension in other areas of the relationship. Cigar smoking may not be the best for your health, but it's a lot better than STRESS and IRRITATION which can be even more detrimental to your health.

Just my two cents.
 
StogieFarts said:
I agree with what everyone has said so far. The only suggestion I can add is this. Is it possible to smoke when she is not around? I usually smoke 2-3 times a week, but on those days, my wife is with her parents so I have time to myself.

On the rare occassion that I do smoke when she's home, it's always outside and I usually take a shower and freshen up afterwards out of respect for her. This may work for you if your girlfriend just thinks they're "gross" and doesn't want you to smoke for that reason.

Otherwise, if you're able to do it when she's not home (or out with the guys), then what she won't know won't hurt her.

But be careful.....if she is doing this because she CARES about you, then I would think she should understand that taking something away that makes you happy is only going to cause tension in other areas of the relationship. Cigar smoking may not be the best for your health, but it's a lot better than STRESS and IRRITATION which can be even more detrimental to your health.

Just my two cents.
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Thanks for the great replies.. And she does think it smells. I immediately took a shower and brushed my teeth when i came in from my smoke last night, before she made a comment. But alas, she was still pissed at me..

Again, thanks for letting me vent. I don't want to pick up a smoke and wonder if she's gonna be pissed at me every time.
 
Show her the post about how cigars lowered my bood pressure and got me through school. Maybe that will help.

BTW Lil Bastage, that's the best relationship advice I've ever heard doled out.
 
I told my girlfriend of my desire to smoke dramatically fewer cigars due to financial and upper respiratory reasons. So then my girlfriend and I got involved in a stupid bet about me not smoking cigars for a month. Once the time came and I realized how dumb it was and the negative precedent it would be setting, I fired one up and admitted to her that I had lost the bet. I told her that there was really nothing in it for me if I won except that I would not be smoking. Her reward for winning was a nice pair of earrings. If there was a way to be whipped without actually getting any, I had found it. Anyway, the point of this post is just to say I sympathize with you. If cigars are important to you, establish your boundaries early.
 
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