I make a list of the gifts received and who gave them to me. Then I spend the rest of the day trying to figure out WTF they were thinking about that made them pick that gift for me.
Gift certificates.....
no thought but nice to receive. Have to take into consideration where the certificate is to. A nice restaurant puts them on my "A" list for next year..... Bed Bath & Beyond, if its for enough money, I trade the wife for sex.
Cloths.....
why would anyone buy cloths for anybody over the age of 18? I always have to take it back so I can get something I'd actually wear. Do people really believe I want to wear what they like? I don't wear sweaters and I get at least two every christmas. The dogs seem to like sleeping on them though.
Gadgits....
usually cheap bs that they found piled on a table in a dept store with the storage dust from last year. Prob a big sign that said 2/$10. Usually breaks before New Years. Occassionally someone does give me a gadgit that I'll use..... at least once. Wish I knew where I put that shoeshine automatic buffer thingy.
DVD's....
like anyone besides my wife knows what kind of movies I would like. Received "Strays" and "Terror on the Wind" last year. Trust me when I tell you there is not a clasification to put these movies. I mean, when was the last time you were attacked by a tumbleweed? If they paid more than .50 cents for both they paid to much. The only redeeming part of that gift was I can use the case to store a ripped movie.
Fruit Cakes....
yep, I've received these before but found how to get even. I store it in the addic with the rest of my christmas stuff until next year and then send it back to the person who gave it to me. (Its smart to put a small mark on the bottom of the tin can... just to be sure they are not doing the same thing to you the following year.)
Duck hunting gear....
even though I prob already have one of everything ever designed for duck hunting this person put some thought into the present. Move them to my "A" list.
Cigars from my "non cigar" friends....
most of my "non cigar smoking" friends know not to ever try and buy me cigars. I do not tell them "How nice, Thankyou!" when I open a package of drugstore cigars. I tell them "Can you get your money back? Sorry but I would never smoke those". First off I said they were my friends so I can say that and second, I'm not about to let them think it was appropriate less I get them again next year.
Cigars from my "cigar smoking" friends....
seldom a problem here. Another person who moves to my "A" list.
Tools.....
while these are nice gifts I take **** that needs fixin to someone that knows how to fix it. I ain't no mechanic, plumber, electriction, or carpenter and don't pretend to be one. They do look good hanging on the wall in the garage so this person gets on the "A" list just not at the top.
Any animal....
if you give me an animal you better be prepared to come over everyday and care for it or it will die. I don't care how cute those fish look in the cup at Walmart, I don't want one. Now if someone buys me two of them fish and a bigger bowl I can see some redeeming worth in the entertainment department for a brief time. That would be enough to know this person thought about me and what I would like when buying it..... another person to the "A" list. (if you've never understood why those fish are kept in solitude you really do need to experience putting two or more together once in your life time)
Booze....
see my comments about cigars from "non smokers" and "smokers" and insert "non drinker" and "drinker"
Cash, Stocks, Bonds, Mineral rights, or a hot racing horse tip....
Who cares how much thought was put into it..... to the top of the "A" list.
Sex....
depends on who its with but usually makes it to the "A" list if they put any effort into it. Good looking neighbors wife doesn't have to participate just be in the room with me while I "handle" the situation. Put myself on the "A" list.
Jungle Sex....
doesn't matter who its with..... (except Matt) "A" list.
Merry Christmas everybody!
