• Hi Guest - Come check out all of the new CP Merch Shop! Now you can support CigarPass buy purchasing hats, apparel, and more...
    Click here to visit! here...

**** Edicion Limitada ****

Great stuff!

Here's one from the vault:

A simple-minded, country bumpkin was having problems with his posterior. He decided to visit he local Proctologist. The Doc explains to the old man that he will have to do a rectal examination. The Doc gets his gloves on, asks the man to bend over and grab his ankles. The Doctor starts to examine the man and suddenly feels something abnormal. He reaches in a bit further and pulls out a bouquet of flowers! The Doctor askes the old man, " Where the hell did these come from?" The old man replies, "Dunno, what do the card say?"

Edit

:sign:
 
Hey watch it NEWBIE. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
 
Here's the winning joke!!!!

Petep2000-vi.jpg
 
Flattery will get you everywhere! :D

But at least you caught me with a BTL...
 
Contest Update:

I have decided to remove myself as the judge of the joke contest, and have asked a very well respected member of the cigar community to take on that responsibility. He has been kind enough to accept my invitation, so from now on, he is the man that will make the final decisions on the winners.

     
                            :) Please welcome Pete to our family!  :)





No, I am not in the contest...........LMAO
 
Welcom Pete! Finest bunch of 'Leaf Lovers' are here. Pull up a puter and stay a while :p
 
Thanks guys....oh and Matt you can keep posting more of those really funny jokes... :lookup: hee hee
 
:) Hey Pete!!! Glad to see you made it on over; although I'm sure you've noticed Matt's up to the same tricks over here!!! ;) :p LMAO And...a BTL??? Dude, I thought you were strickly Lars...... :lookup: er...uh Opus I mean!!! :sign:

Ryan :D
 
Welcome to the Zoo Pete.

An Irish priest is in a church on Saturday afternoon, hearing confessions...A man walks in and kneels down and begins his confession -Father, it has been two weeks since my last confession. These are my sins: Last night I had sex with Nookie Green.

That is your sin?

Yes, Father.

You are forgiven. Go out and say one "Our Father." The man leaves. Soon, another enters and kneels. Father, it has been one month since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.

The priest thinks to himself this Nookie Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners...

Those are your sins?

Yes, Father.

You are forgiven. Go out and say three "Hail Marys." The man leaves.

Soon, another enters and kneels down. Father, it has been six months since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last six months.

This time, the priest has to ask - Who is this Nookie Green?

Just a woman I know, Father.

Very well - you are forgiven. Go out and say ten "Hail Marys."

The priest closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Nookie Green woman is...

The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this woman, a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest, her knees apart.

The priest cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy - Pssssst. Is that Nookie Green?

The altar boy has a look and says, "No, Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."
 
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a golf club wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the
doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife
when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."

"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball...stuck right in the middle of the
cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
 
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

:D
 
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to go down on me (oral sex) during the way?" "What?! Get Out out of my cab, you scum." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result - getting kicked out of each taxi.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "O.K." and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
 
A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The
man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half
empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket.

He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the
disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked "Say, Father, do you know what
causes arthritis?"

The priest, disgusted by the man's appearance and behavior snapped "It's
caused by loose living,
being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your
fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be," the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized,
"I'm sorry to have come
on so strong - I didn't mean it. How long have you been suffering from
arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
 
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
 
Aloha to the Brothers of the Leaf! Sorry to interupt the posting but I just thought everyone would like an update on the Pass... LOL!

I'll be posting my Puts & Takes soon and will provide an updated listing of the cigars in the pass. I've been baby sitting the box and sadly it will leave the islands tomorrow morning.... the collection of cigars is just awesome!

Aloha Bruddahs!

Wade
 
To my Bruddahs of the Leaf... the box is packed up and ready to leave the islands tomorrow!  It is truly an honor to have been invited to participate in this awesome pass with such a great bunch of fellow Bruddahs!  Thank you Bro's and especially... thank you Devin!

Here's my Takes, Puts and an Updated Inventory of the Box:

Here are my TAKES:

01) 1989 Davidoff No. 1
02) 1999 Montecristo Millennium Robusto
03) 1994 Punch Double Corona Cabinet
04) 2001 Romeo y Julieta Prince of Wales
05) Opus X 666 (unreleased)
06) Ashton VSG Estate Reserve Torpedo
07) Fuente Hemingway Untold Story


Here are my PUTS:

01) 1999 Cohiba Robusto
02) 1999 Cuaba Generoso
03) 2001 Cuaba Millennium Distinguido
04) 1996 El Rey del Mundo Taino
05) 1996 Hoyo de Monterrey Churchill
06) 1985 Juan Lopez Patricia
07) 1997 Montecristo Especiale
08) 2002 Partagas Serie D No. 3 LE Maduro
09) 1994 Partagas Serie D No. 4
10) 1999 Romeo y Julieta Belicoso
11) 2001 Ramon Allones Gigante
12) 2001 Partagas Presidente
13) 2000 Valdes Salamone
14) 2000 Diamond Crown No. 7 Maduro
15) 1997 Fuente Fuente Opus X Double Corona
16) 1997 Fuente Fuente Opus X Reserva D’Chateau
17) 1997 Padron Anniversario Pyramide Maduro
18) 1993 La Gloria Cubana Charlemagne (Miami)

HERE’S THE UPDATED CONTENTS OF THE BOX PASS

01) 1999 Cohiba Robusto
02) 1999 Cuaba Generoso
03) 1999 Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido
04) 2000 Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido
05) 2000 Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido
06) 1989 Davidoff 3000
07) 1985 Diplomatico No. 7
08) 1988 Dunhill Atado
09) 1988 Dunhill Atado
10) 1970’s Dunhill Flor Del Punto
11) 1986 El Rey del Mundo Grandes de Espana
12) 1984 El Rey del Mundo Lonsdale
13) 1996 El Rey del Mundo Taino
14) 2000 Festival de Habanos Mareva
15) 1993 Fonseca No. 1
16) 1985 Gispert Corona
17) 2001 H. Upmann Super Corona
18) 2001 H. Upmann Super Corona
19) 1996 Hoyo de Monterrey Churchill
20) 1985 Juan Lopez Patricia
21) 1984 La Escepcion Longo
22) 1984 La Gloria Cubana Sabroso
23) 1999 Montecristo B
24) 1997 Montecristo Especiale
25) Partagas 155th Anniversary Dalia
26) Partagas 155th Anniversary Lusitania
27) Partagas 155th Anniversary Robusto Extra
28) 1979 Partagas Presidente
29) 2001 Partagas Presidente
30) 2002 Partagas Serie D No. 3 LE Maduro
31) 1994 Partagas Serie D No. 4
32) 2001 Ramon Allones Gigante
33) 1960’s Ramon Allones Ideales
34) Romeo y Julieta 125th Anniversary Figurado
35) 1999 Romeo y Julieta Belicoso
36) 1979 Romeo y Julieta Celestiales Fino
37) 2001 Romeo y Julieta Churchill LE
38) 1989 Romeo y Julieta Churchill Tubo
39) 2001 Romeo y Julieta Prince of Wales
40) 1997 Trinidad Fundadore
41) 2000 Valdes Salamone

42) Ashton VSG Estate Reserve Enchantment
43) Diamond Crown No. 6 Maduro (unreleased)
44) Diamond Crown No. 7 Maduro
45) 1997 Fuente Fuente Opus X Double Corona
46) Fuente Fuente Opus X Phantom (unreleased)
47) 1997 Fuente Fuente Opus X Reserva D’Chateau
48) Fuente Hemingway Best Seller Maduro (unreleased)
49) Fuente Hemingway Untold Story
50) 1993 La Gloria Cubana Charlemagne (Miami made)
51) 1997 Padron Anniversario Pyramide Maduro
52) Padron Millennium Maduro
53) Padron Millennium Natural
54) Partagas 150th Don Ramon (with coffin)

Heads up Bruddah Mike... the Box is headed your way! Here's some info for you...

USPS DC No. 0301 0120 0010 7843 4710
Insurance No. VB 523 737 089 US

Enjoy Mike... you're in for a treat!

Aloha Bruddahs!

Wade
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top