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Good comebacks

SD_Stack said:
Hey! :thumbs:

Why didn't anyone tell me that the "Board Wide Policy Changes" had reverted back to the old way? ???


:p
Click to expand...
Ooooh Stack, I have one:

"I might be from North Carolina, but at leat I'm not from Waxhaw!"

:p :sign:


:love: Dixie
 
"There really isn't any danger of you drowning in your genepool; is there?"

This one was a response my partner had to an ER doctor being a schmuck.

"Could you tell me exactly where I can get that line of bull****. I'd like to to send it to my mother-in-law."
 
I think we have a personality conflict.............I’ve got some and you don’t.
 
A truck driver is driving down the highway and sees a sign that says "Low Bridge Ahead." Sure enough before he can react he's at the bridge, and gets stuck underneath it, backing up traffic for miles. Eventually a cop comes up to him and being a wise-ass says "Got stuck, huh??"

Our truck driver, none to pleased with his situation, looks back at the cop and says "No, actually I was delivering the ****ing bridge and I ran out of gas. "
 
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always shoot it on your back.
 
A woman is in the grocery store, and she walks up to the checkout line with the following items:

A loaf of bread
A pint of milk
1 frozen dinner
A single serving box of cereal.

The cashier looks at her and says "You must be single..."

The woman looks back at him and says sarcastically "Why would you think that?"

He smiles and says

"Cuz you're f$#king ugly."
 
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'm really easy to get along with, once you people learn to worship me.

I'll try being nicer, if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s**t.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.

Who me? I just wander from room to room

And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

You! Off my planet!

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
 
I'm not very original. I usually just say... "Oooo, good one." And give them that sarcastic "you're a dumbass" look.
 
You know, Your a complete waste of skin! (my 9 year old actually told someone that- my personal favorite :))


Do you need some Crisco to get your head out the door?



I may be fat, but your ugly- And I can Diet.



Why are you still talking? Nobody cares!



Don't give up that- Look on the short bus for someone who'll listen.



So when they were handing out brains, you thought they said trains and ran away?



Your mamma's so poor, she can't pay attention



The guy from the Dollar store called, Your line of credit has been revoked.
 
JOKE:

While driving, my car overheated so I was forced to pull over and open the hood, at which time smoke began to pour from under the hood....

A passer by drove by and stopped to ask "Did your car break down?"

Replied: "Nope! The car wanted to smoke so I pulled over so it can have a cigarette" :lookup:


_________________________________________________________________
 
:p :p :p

(side note: My family had watched the blue collar comedy tour, I don't know how many times.... and when Jeff Foxworthy came to Ft Worth- We immediately bought tickets to go see him. He was funny, but it was just a live version of EXACTLY the same routine he did in the BCCT :( It was hard to laugh at the same jokes for the 12,452'nd time :p)
 
LMAO........were the hell did you guys come up with this stuff.
I'm dyin over here.
Delivering the bridge........... :sign: :sign:
 
The delivering the bridge one had me laughing out loud.

Here's for one for the single guys to use..married men like me would be beat by their wife for using it:

Some annoying girl is giving you **** so you say to your buddy, " Could somebody please shut her up, my zippers stuck"
 
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