Great day today!

[CRQuarto]

Growing up, my brother and I used to really butt heads with my dad a lot, to the point where there was a lot of animosity towards each other sometimes. A really rough divorce between him and my mom really was the cause of it, and I am sure working and living with him didn't help either. In the past two years though, things have changed drastically and we've all become close and spend some great quality time together. Today was one of those days, we celebrated my brother's birthday by going out to a high end sushi joint, killing a couple bottles of wine, shooting the crap and just generally having a hell of a good time. We finished it off by heading over to Bo's, at which point we all sat around and herfed with Bo, who hooked us up with some Opus X Fuente Fuente's from 2005. Mind blowing smokes, great conversation about growing up on the block (we all lived right across the street from Bo), and watching some reruns of UFC fights provided for one of the best nights my brother and I have had.

Isn't it funny how things change? It got to the point where we all hated each other, and now things are so different it almost is hard to imagine how bad it was. It's good to have a dad now that we can enjoy life with. We decided tonight that we were going to Vegas in February with my uncle, just us four guys, and I can't wait.

 

[Hylan85]

That's awesome, it's good to hear you all are getting along.

Not to turn this thread dreary, but as a matter of personal interest, how is it that you men turned things around? Did it just come with time, or were you guys proactive in fixing the situation?

I have a similar situation here at home, and would love nothing more then to set things right before I move out, I feel that once I'm out if things are bad it really won't matter because if I see him once a week, that will be a lot.

 

[CRQuarto]

That's awesome, it's good to hear you all are getting along.

Not to turn this thread dreary, but as a matter of personal interest, how is it that you men turned things around? Did it just come with time, or were you guys proactive in fixing the situation?

I have a similar situation here at home, and would love nothing more then to set things right before I move out, I feel that once I'm out if things are bad it really won't matter because if I see him once a week, that will be a lot.

I don't mind talking about it at all. Honestly, I think that a combination of things helped fix the situation, as well as the time factor. My brother and I worked at my father's deli for about six years, and lived with him for about three, which made things very, very hard, as it made it so that if we had problems at work, they came home, as well as the other way around. It made it impossible for any of us to cool off unless we left for a couple days, which was out of the question as we had work obligations to fulfill. After my brother moved out and quit after a really bad blow out with my dad, I stayed on for another year until I was finally accepted into the Sheriff's academy, at which point I moved out and quit working for my father. That immediately ceased a good number of issues. Eventually, after graduating, my dad and I started to just see each other a little bit at a time until we both had realized that family is the most important thing, and we needed to get over all of the prior bullshit, and just be a family again. My brother did the same, and I think that having lost both of us, my dad realized that losing his kids was a horrible feeling, and he didn't want that to happen again.

My honest advice to you, is to just apologize for any wrongs you have committed, regardless of the wrongs the other party is responsible for, and then move out. Chances are he will still be mad at you, but it will help you feel better, and as a little time passes, he will realize that he was in the wrong as well, and once both of you have apologized the healing process can begin. After that, just going out to lunch once in a while, or phone calls will help break the ice and establish that father/son feeling. A lot of it is just communication and telling the other how you feel, and I mean EXACTLY how you feel and why. They may not like it, but if they really care then they will want to fix whatever is wrong.

My dad's problem is he is an east coast Italian, and so his dad was, ah, how do you say, a complete asshole to him growing up, which caused a lot of his inabilities to be a dad, as he had never had one himself. At least, a good one. My brother and I's problems were that we hadn't really become mature enough to learn how to defuse arguments properly. So, after time passed and we learned a few things, we were able to teach him how to be a good dad to us.

Sorry if it seems like a jumble of stuff in what I wrote above, but I have no damn idea how to make it more clear. Hopefully I helped. Just remember that family is the most important thing in the world. You only get one dad, one mom, and whatever siblings you have.

 

[thechenman]

That's a great story. Very insightful. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.

That's awesome, it's good to hear you all are getting along.

Not to turn this thread dreary, but as a matter of personal interest, how is it that you men turned things around? Did it just come with time, or were you guys proactive in fixing the situation?

I have a similar situation here at home, and would love nothing more then to set things right before I move out, I feel that once I'm out if things are bad it really won't matter because if I see him once a week, that will be a lot.

I don't mind talking about it at all.

Honestly, I think that a combination of things helped fix the situation, as well as the time factor. My brother and I worked at my father's deli for about six years, and lived with him for about three, which made things very, very hard, as it made it so that if we had problems at work, they came home, as well as the other way around. It made it impossible for any of us to cool off unless we left for a couple days, which was out of the question as we had work obligations to fulfill. After my brother moved out and quit after a really bad blow out with my dad, I stayed on for another year until I was finally accepted into the Sheriff's academy, at which point I moved out and quit working for my father. That immediately ceased a good number of issues. Eventually, after graduating, my dad and I started to just see each other a little bit at a time until we both had realized that family is the most important thing, and we needed to get over all of the prior bullshit, and just be a family again. My brother did the same, and I think that having lost both of us, my dad realized that losing his kids was a horrible feeling, and he didn't want that to happen again.

My honest advice to you, is to just apologize for any wrongs you have committed, regardless of the wrongs the other party is responsible for, and then move out. Chances are he will still be mad at you, but it will help you feel better, and as a little time passes, he will realize that he was in the wrong as well, and once both of you have apologized the healing process can begin. After that, just going out to lunch once in a while, or phone calls will help break the ice and establish that father/son feeling. A lot of it is just communication and telling the other how you feel, and I mean EXACTLY how you feel and why. They may not like it, but if they really care then they will want to fix whatever is wrong.

My dad's problem is he is an east coast Italian, and so his dad was, ah, how do you say, a complete asshole to him growing up, which caused a lot of his inabilities to be a dad, as he had never had one himself. At least, a good one. My brother and I's problems were that we hadn't really become mature enough to learn how to defuse arguments properly. So, after time passed and we learned a few things, we were able to teach him how to be a good dad to us.

Sorry if it seems like a jumble of stuff in what I wrote above, but I have no damn idea how to make it more clear.

Hopefully I helped. Just remember that family is the most important thing in the world. You only get one dad, one mom, and whatever siblings you have.

 

[DirtyDave]

Ditto, thanks for sharing that Charles. Glad to hear that things have come full swing. Family is very important, and it is sad when we lose sight of that. I'm happy that you were able to reconnect before it was too late!

I know I used to hate my brother, now we are very good friends. Maturity helps, but so did sparring in our case. We'd get mad at each other and go gear up. After pummeling eachother in a safer environment, a lot of that hostility just disappeared.

 

[stic2it]

Wish my dad would come around one of these days, I feel sad about the whole situation but I'm at the point where I'm like f*** it. I have appologized even where I felt I shouldnt have. I am 27 and hope that one day me and my pops can shoot the breeze or hang out. I talk to random strangers more than I talk to my own dad.

Thanks for sharing, my pops doesnt smoke but he rides harley's and its something that I wish we could do together since we both have bikes. One day I guess....

 

[The Black Cloud]

Thanks for sharing, my pops doesnt smoke but he rides harley's and its something that I wish we could do together since we both have bikes. One day I guess....

My relationship with my dad is and always has been fine, so please take this with a grain of salt. After reading this last part of your post it occurred to me that you shouldn't make it more complicated than it really is. Invite your dad out to lunch or dinner and ride your harleys there. That's it, it doesn't need to be complex or elaborate. In this case, IMO, it's better to get the ball rolling than to sit and wait for the "perfect opportunity". That opportunity may not come.

 

[Shamrocker]

Growing up, my brother and I used to really butt heads with my dad a lot, to the point where there was a lot of animosity towards each other sometimes. A really rough divorce between him and my mom really was the cause of it, and I am sure working and living with him didn't help either. In the past two years though, things have changed drastically and we've all become close and spend some great quality time together. Today was one of those days, we celebrated my brother's birthday by going out to a high end sushi joint, killing a couple bottles of wine, shooting the crap and just generally having a hell of a good time. We finished it off by heading over to Bo's, at which point we all sat around and herfed with Bo, who hooked us up with some Opus X Fuente Fuente's from 2005. Mind blowing smokes, great conversation about growing up on the block (we all lived right across the street from Bo), and watching some reruns of UFC fights provided for one of the best nights my brother and I have had.

Isn't it funny how things change? It got to the point where we all hated each other, and now things are so different it almost is hard to imagine how bad it was. It's good to have a dad now that we can enjoy life with. We decided tonight that we were going to Vegas in February with my uncle, just us four guys, and I can't wait.

Thanks for sharing. It's nice to hear a happy story, that things have worked out in the end.