@{tpc} I should have taken a shot with all those parts at the beginning. They were all black with sludge. I didn't think of it until they were out. It was plenty dirty.
I'll give you the NRA instructor answer, "It depends." Sounds like you are looking for
one gun, not two (at least to begin), and one that your wife would be "able to handle". With correct training she should be able to "handle" anything you can. If you want to start a conversation, just message me. I've been coaching shooters for 40 years, and I'm taking the NRA Pistol Instructor course on 01/31, so I'll be "legit", lol.
Some guidelines, though. First, do not go for the smallest gun, their light weight makes the recoil quite heavy and is never pleasant. In the small, medium, large gun scheme of things, I generally recommend a medium size gun for a first purchase.
Second, don't be afraid of revolvers. They are not popular these days, but when I was first getting into guns, revolvers were king. The semi-auto craze came a decade after I got into shooting. If you think you and your wife would be willing to take a course (doesn't have to be the NRA Basic Pistol Course, could just be familiarization with an instructor and the two of you) you could consider a semi-auto. I suggest you practice with it at least semi-annually if you go that route.
Sounds like you want a bedside home defense gun. A simple (meaning easy to understand and operate) medium semi-auto like a Glock 19 is a good way to go. I'm not a Glock fanboi, by any stretch of the imagination, but they are about the simplest manual of arms for a semi-auto you can get. And not too spendy. Don't be afraid to buy used.
If you feel like either of you (or both) are not interested in regular range practice, I'd still suggest a revolver. They are about as easy to understand as a dinner fork. A 357 magnum can shoot 38 special rounds (more comfortable), and something like a Ruger SP101 5-shot with a 3" barrel would be a nice bedside gun, especially if you can find one used. Revolvers tend to be more expensive than semi-autos these days, though.
There are myriad other choices, though. If you want to chat, message me.