StogieFarts
New Member
Hey guys.....I did this many, many years ago for another website but finally tracked down the pictures to post here!
Ok, for all my beer brewing buddies, I apologize for explaining each picture in detail, like what everything is, as if you didn't know your ass from some other dark, stinky orifice in the ground. This is mainly to show off my beer stuff AND to explain to non-brewing people the process.
First of all, we have the materials, pictured below. Most people brew 5 gallon batches of beer, which usually consist of 5 gallons of water, some honey-looking extract, some specialty grains, some yeast, and some hops.
With water heated to roughly 170 degrees Fahhherenenheeit (however the fuck you spell that), I pour in the extract:
By the way, in the above picture, that is not piss in that cylindrical tube on the left. It's actually a sample of beer from a previous batch that I was taking hydrometer measurements on.
And disregard the pussy "wine blender" bottle and Midori Melon mixers on the right. Manly men like me only have those in my house to pacify the wife and her girly friends.
Ok, now that we have the extract in the pot, we also need to add the hops. They are called hops because they're so bitter, they make people jump all over the fucking place when they try to suck on them:
Now we leave this cook for 60 minutes, occassionally stirring and watching out for "boil-overs." Boil overs happen when the cooker (aka ME) is busy drinking beer in the other room.
Since this is part can get boring, most homebrewers drink more beer during this process. Since I didn't have any of my own beer ready to consume, I decided to buy some Sierra Nevada Barleywine beer. However, since I am used to lighter beers, this extremely bitter style was enough to make my pubic hair go straight:
While drinking this bitter, 9.6% alcohol beer, I started to do really stupid things, as I sometimes do when a camera is involved. So I decided to perform a little public service announcement about the straight vs. gay ways of drinking. Observe.
Here is the STRAIGHT WAY to drink a beer:
Notice the upright posture, the firm drip of the bottle, and lips properly placed on the outer rim of the neck.
Now, observe the GAY WAY to drink a beer:
Notice that the hands are grasping, or groping if you will, the bottle like some kind of crystallized penis. The mouth is actually deep throating the bottle, and there appears to be a slight tinge of erotic excitement in my expression.
I'll tell you one thing, I deserve a goddamn Oscar for that performance, because I am at least 99.99% straight. I just leave a little room for experimentation in there, in case I want to perform self-fellatio or something.
Anyway, after the boil, we need to cool down the pot to roughly 70 degrees before we pitch in the yeast. I do this by submerging the pot in a cold bathtub:
I forgot to take pictures of the beer going from the pot into the primary fermentor bucket that I have. But I do have pictures of it going from the glass secondary fermenter to the keg. Here is the brew prior to siphoning it out:
Ok, for all my beer brewing buddies, I apologize for explaining each picture in detail, like what everything is, as if you didn't know your ass from some other dark, stinky orifice in the ground. This is mainly to show off my beer stuff AND to explain to non-brewing people the process.
First of all, we have the materials, pictured below. Most people brew 5 gallon batches of beer, which usually consist of 5 gallons of water, some honey-looking extract, some specialty grains, some yeast, and some hops.
With water heated to roughly 170 degrees Fahhherenenheeit (however the fuck you spell that), I pour in the extract:
By the way, in the above picture, that is not piss in that cylindrical tube on the left. It's actually a sample of beer from a previous batch that I was taking hydrometer measurements on.
And disregard the pussy "wine blender" bottle and Midori Melon mixers on the right. Manly men like me only have those in my house to pacify the wife and her girly friends.
Ok, now that we have the extract in the pot, we also need to add the hops. They are called hops because they're so bitter, they make people jump all over the fucking place when they try to suck on them:
Now we leave this cook for 60 minutes, occassionally stirring and watching out for "boil-overs." Boil overs happen when the cooker (aka ME) is busy drinking beer in the other room.
Since this is part can get boring, most homebrewers drink more beer during this process. Since I didn't have any of my own beer ready to consume, I decided to buy some Sierra Nevada Barleywine beer. However, since I am used to lighter beers, this extremely bitter style was enough to make my pubic hair go straight:
While drinking this bitter, 9.6% alcohol beer, I started to do really stupid things, as I sometimes do when a camera is involved. So I decided to perform a little public service announcement about the straight vs. gay ways of drinking. Observe.
Here is the STRAIGHT WAY to drink a beer:
Notice the upright posture, the firm drip of the bottle, and lips properly placed on the outer rim of the neck.
Now, observe the GAY WAY to drink a beer:
Notice that the hands are grasping, or groping if you will, the bottle like some kind of crystallized penis. The mouth is actually deep throating the bottle, and there appears to be a slight tinge of erotic excitement in my expression.
I'll tell you one thing, I deserve a goddamn Oscar for that performance, because I am at least 99.99% straight. I just leave a little room for experimentation in there, in case I want to perform self-fellatio or something.
Anyway, after the boil, we need to cool down the pot to roughly 70 degrees before we pitch in the yeast. I do this by submerging the pot in a cold bathtub:
I forgot to take pictures of the beer going from the pot into the primary fermentor bucket that I have. But I do have pictures of it going from the glass secondary fermenter to the keg. Here is the brew prior to siphoning it out:
