davew0670
New Member
sure was a good trade
ill be here all week
ill be here all week
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I got some new golf clubs for my wife
- Thread starter davew0670
- Start date
Oh yeah, how about this one!
So many years ago a guy and his wife were out playing golf when he hit his ball behind a barn. His wife suggested that he open the doors at both ends and have a clear shot through the barn. So he proceeds to do exactly that except shanks the shot, the ball ricochets off the barn, hits his wife and kills her! :0
Fast forward years later the guy is back at that same course with his buddies and hits his ball to the same spot! So his buddies tell him about opening the doors to the barn to get a clear shot to which he replies, "Are you crazy!!!! Last time I did that I got a bogey on this hole!"
So many years ago a guy and his wife were out playing golf when he hit his ball behind a barn. His wife suggested that he open the doors at both ends and have a clear shot through the barn. So he proceeds to do exactly that except shanks the shot, the ball ricochets off the barn, hits his wife and kills her! :0
Fast forward years later the guy is back at that same course with his buddies and hits his ball to the same spot! So his buddies tell him about opening the doors to the barn to get a clear shot to which he replies, "Are you crazy!!!! Last time I did that I got a bogey on this hole!"
The Volusianator
Tick Tock
LOL @ Gonz
Newfie
Official Lancero Whore
Since this thread is Re: Golf Jokes:
This guy was walking up the first fairway and it runs parallel to a road. Him and his buddies see a funeral procession coming up the road and the guy stops in the middle of the fairway before he gets to his ball, takes his hat off, puts it over his heart and bows his head.
His buddys all start at him. When the cars are gone by, one of 'em says "Dude, that was really nice of you. Very touching. We didn't know you were like that."
The guy says "It's the least I can do for the dearly departed. She was a wonderful wife."
This guy was walking up the first fairway and it runs parallel to a road. Him and his buddies see a funeral procession coming up the road and the guy stops in the middle of the fairway before he gets to his ball, takes his hat off, puts it over his heart and bows his head.
His buddys all start at him. When the cars are gone by, one of 'em says "Dude, that was really nice of you. Very touching. We didn't know you were like that."
The guy says "It's the least I can do for the dearly departed. She was a wonderful wife."
davew0670
New Member
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed ..
The doctor snickered and said, "Just messing with you. She's dead.
What'd you shoot?"
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed ..
The doctor snickered and said, "Just messing with you. She's dead.
What'd you shoot?"
Fatken
New Member
Too funny!
Smoking Mex
Fuma Lo Que Te Gusta
ROFLMAO at all of these, I wonder what my wife will say when I tell them to her? ???
Emmo
Member
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple
bruises, two black eyes and five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man, "I was having a quiet round
of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our
balls into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for them. While I was rooting around I noticed one
of the cows had something white at it's rear end.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough there was a
golf ball with my wife's monogram on it -- stuck right in the middle
of the cow's butt. That's when I made my BIG mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cows tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this
looks like yours!""
"I don't remember much after that....."
_________________
bruises, two black eyes and five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man, "I was having a quiet round
of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our
balls into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for them. While I was rooting around I noticed one
of the cows had something white at it's rear end.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough there was a
golf ball with my wife's monogram on it -- stuck right in the middle
of the cow's butt. That's when I made my BIG mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cows tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this
looks like yours!""
"I don't remember much after that....."
_________________
Nice_Ashh
New Member
LMAO....some funny stuff!!
MiamiCubano
El Martillo (My Boxing Name)
Rules for bedroom golf:
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two
two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.
3. Owner of the course must approve the equipment before play may begin.
4. For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted
to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to
the course.
6. Unlike out door golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the
balls out.
7. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course
owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied
permission to play the course in the future.
8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the
course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with
special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.
9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently
playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to
damage a players equipment for this reason.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly
when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be
extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play
when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the
back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace,
at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several
times in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.
16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course.
Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change.
For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two
two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.
3. Owner of the course must approve the equipment before play may begin.
4. For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted
to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to
the course.
6. Unlike out door golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the
balls out.
7. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course
owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied
permission to play the course in the future.
8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the
course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with
special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.
9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently
playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to
damage a players equipment for this reason.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly
when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be
extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play
when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the
back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace,
at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several
times in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.
16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course.
Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change.
For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.
davew0670
New Member
thats awesome
NullSmurf
Das Bruce
A bickering couple are on the links, the wife tees up, hits, then grabs her bag and starts down the fairway. The guy tees up and calls to his wife to get out of the way. She replies, "you couldn't hit me if you tried". Pissed, he takes his swing and hits the ball harder than he has ever before. Much to his delight, the ball hits her in the forehead, killing her instantly. The man calmly calls the police and tell them exactly what happened. Much later, the police contact him with a last question.
"Sir, we've confirmed that as you say, that this was a dreadful accident. However, we're puzzled. We've confirmed that the ball struck your wife in the forehead. We finally found it up her ass."
Matter of factly, the man replied, "Oh, that was my mulligan."
"Sir, we've confirmed that as you say, that this was a dreadful accident. However, we're puzzled. We've confirmed that the ball struck your wife in the forehead. We finally found it up her ass."
Matter of factly, the man replied, "Oh, that was my mulligan."
