United States Grammar School Interim Report to Parents
> >May 25, 2004
> >By Nancy Greggs
> >
> >Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,
> >
> >Once again, it is that time of year when we
> >update the parents of our students on their
> >child's progress, and we regret to inform you
> >that your son, Georgie, is not doing as well as
> >we'd hoped and expected when he embarked on his
> >four-year program at our school.
> >
> >As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as
> >class president at the start of the school year,
> >despite the fact that the majority of his fellow
> >students did not vote for him. We foresaw
> >problems immediately, but were assured by several
> >school board members (who, as we understand it,
> >are friends of your family) that this would not
> >result in any real difficulty. Unfortunately,
> >they have been proven wrong.
> >
> >In the area of scholastic achievement, despite
> >our best efforts, Georgie is still reading and
> >speaking at a grade level far below our usual
> >standards. At this point, we are not sure if his
> >failure to learn is due to laziness and a lack of
> >ability to apply himself to his studies, or if he
> >simply lacks the intellectual capacity to improve
> >in these areas.
> >
> >His oral presentations to the class are
> >particularly troubling; it is apparent that
> >Georgie has not read the necessary materials, and
> >he often simply fabricates facts to hide this
> >shortcoming. In oral exams, he tends to repeat
> >the same answers over and over, e.g. "The economy
> >is good; jobs are on their way," indicating a
> >profound failure to keep up with the Current
> >Events portion of the curriculum.
> >
> >Georgie also tends to fabricate elaborate stories
> >about himself -- which, admittedly, can sometimes
> >be very amusing. During a school celebration last
> >May, he delighted his fellow students by coming
> >to class in a little "flight suit" (just like the
> >grown-ups wear!), and had everyone in stitches
> >with his story about the family dog having eaten
> >his report card from military pre-school!
> >
> >On the whole, however, Georgie does not play well
> >with other children. His "leadership" in the
> >classroom continues to divide many students, one
> >against the other. Other study groups, such as
> >our French and German-language classes, are no
> >longer willing to cooperate with Georgie's group,
> >even though they have traditionally done so in
> >the past.
> >
> >Your son also displays a lack of taking
> >responsibility for his failings and seems unable
> >to appreciate the consequences of his actions.
> >Although he was provided with the best textbooks
> >on the subjects of the Economy, Job Creation, The
> >Environment, et cetera, these books were damaged
> >or completely destroyed within a matter of
> >months. Georgie insists that he "inherited" these
> >books in poor condition, despite all evidence to
> >the contrary. (In fact, these same textbooks were
> >previously used by one of our very best students,
> >who actually returned them in better condition
> >than he found them!)
> >
> >During his first few weeks with us, Georgie
> >quickly became part of a group of other "problem
> >students". Despite warnings, he has consistently
> >befriended children whom we consider to be "bad
> >elements," such as Little Kenny Lay and a
> >foreign-exchange student named Chalabi. Both of
> >these youngsters have been expelled from other
> >schools due to their involvement in cheating
> >other students out of their lunch money. We feel
> >that these kinds of relationships can only lead
> >to no good, and hope that you will advise your
> >child accordingly.
> >
> >Georgie often displays aggressive behaviour in
> >the schoolyard, and recently assaulted a student
> >in another school district, completely
> >unprovoked. When asked about this incident,
> >Georgie insisted that the other child was armed
> >and dangerous. When investigation into the matter
> >proved otherwise, Georgie changed his story
> >several times: he was just trying to
> >"democratize" the other child, the other child's
> >school was harboring gang members, and so on.
> >Quite frankly, his story on this topic has so
> >changed from week to week, we simply can't trust
> >his word at all anymore.
> >
> >Georgie's friends, while not great in number, are
> >very loyal, but tend to be over-protective. If
> >any of the other students point out Georgie's
> >failing grades, these friends simply shout them
> >down and tell them not to speak at all. When
> >Georgie was summoned to the principal's office
> >several weeks ago, he insisted that his "best
> >friend" come with him. We feel that it is in
> >Georgie's best interest to learn to stand up for
> >himself; failure to do so could seriously damage
> >his ability to handle a leadership role in his
> >adult years.
> >
> >As you are aware, final exams will be held in
> >November, and Georgie's past performance leads us
> >to conclude that he will not be able to achieve
> >the grades necessary to continue on with another
> >four-year term at our institution.
> >
> >Yours Truly,
> >
> >Ms. J.Q. Public, Assistant Principal
> >
Hope the rest of you enjoy.