Need some input!

[boonedoggle]

My son, who is in the 4th grade, came home from school last week and informed my wife and I that he had been slapped across the face by a girl…one of his classmates. It seems as if this girl had a crush on him or something and he didn’t want to mess with her, so she did this. My wife called and spoke with the teacher and the next the day the teacher and the school counselor spoke to the little girl and they felt the case was closed and the girl would not do this again.
Well, today, on the way home, the little girl hit my son in the back of the head with her fists and took off running, apparently right in front of the little girls mother. The school is relatively close to everyone’s house, so kids either walk or get a ride from a parent.
Needless to say, I was livid. I ran to the school and spoke with the principal who assured me that she would talk to the teacher, parents, witnesses, etc and ensure the girl is punished.
My concern is that this little girl may be unstable and have serious problems at home or at school. What if the school feels she is punished adequately enough, but she decides to bring a knife or worse to school? That’s one you can’t get back. And with all the crap that’s going on in today’s society with school violence, I don’t know if we should get the police involved, seek legal advice or what. Can anyone give me some input if you have had known of something similar? All advice is appreciated! Thanks!

 

[Gonz]

Have you talked to the girl's mom about it? You could try to do that, and go into it with a very positive peaceful attitude and see what her reaction is. Give her the opportunity to do the right thing at least. And if she fails at that, then feel free to let her have it (verbally of course).

 

[symyn]

I can see why you are concerned, especially with all the bullshit that is going on in the schools. I would talk to the girls mom and dad about this situation to get a feeling on how they treat/raise there kid. This might ease your worries.

 

[xprinter]

I think you probably talk to parents first and if you're not satisifed than a lawyer, because you know if it were the other way around the school would have called the police.

I sure hope this has a happy ending.

 

[Fatken]

Bad situation, but I agree with the others, speak with the parents. If they respond positively, then probably problem solved. If the parents don't respond properly, protect your son, if it means picking him up for a while.

I also had the same situation with my son years ago with a girl that would bully him because she was a girl. I gave him permission to stand up to any bully, regardless of who they were.

Good luck,

Ken

 

[boonedoggle]

I think the school will resolve it after interviewing the parents and witnesses, etc. Apparently this child has a long track record of issues. Nevertheless, I told my son to not allow himself to be victimized by a bully, like Fatken suggested...if she does it again, it will be the last time she does! Thanks for the input guys!

 

[bfreebern]

I gave him permission to stand up to any bully, regardless of who they were.

:thumbs:

 

[PuroEsq]

I think the school will resolve it after interviewing the parents and witnesses, etc. Apparently this child has a long track record of issues. Nevertheless, I told my son to not allow himself to be victimized by a bully, like Fatken suggested...if she does it again, it will be the last time she does! Thanks for the input guys!

Very difficult situation indeed. It is a fine line between teaching your son to respect women and girls and telling his to defend himself against one who is hitting him. Pay very close attention to this matter. Discuss it openly and with a positive attitude with both the parents of the girl and the school. Anything happens again and I would be calling an attorney and the police.

I wish you luck.

 

[Blue Dragon]

Have you talked to the girl's mom about it? You could try to do that, and go into it with a very positive peaceful attitude and see what her reaction is. Give her the opportunity to do the right thing at least. And if she fails at that, then feel free to let her have it (verbally of course).

I would try to have a discussion with the girl, her parents, and your son, all at the same time, and probably on neutral ground, like at the school, maybe with a counselor. It might be a great opportunity to show your son how to approach conflict resolution like rational adults. There is no real way to tell how the girl or her parents are going to react, but there is the possibility that both kids can learn from the situation. Personally, I wouldn't just turn it over to the Principal; he doesn't have the same vested interest in your son.

My guess is that at this age kids are trying to learn how to express themselves. They are going through lots of emotions and don't have the verbal skills to handle everything that way. Most likely she is just imitating modeled behavior. I wouldn't be suprised if she saw her mother or sister slap someone else, or was on the receiving end of the slap.

Now, IMO this part is key: Go into the situation mentally how you would like the outcome to happen. I have seen to many times people think something negative, then what they see (interpret) is doom and gloom reinforcing what they thought previously, and then act, project, and _cause_ the self-fulfilling prophesy. One of the biggest glaring examples of this that is easy for the majority of the population to see is racism.

Good luck man!

 

[boonedoggle]

I think the school will resolve it after interviewing the parents and witnesses, etc. Apparently this child has a long track record of issues. Nevertheless, I told my son to not allow himself to be victimized by a bully, like Fatken suggested...if she does it again, it will be the last time she does! Thanks for the input guys!

Very difficult situation indeed. It is a fine line between teaching your son to respect women and girls and telling his to defend himself against one who is hitting him. Pay very close attention to this matter. Discuss it openly and with a positive attitude with both the parents of the girl and the school. Anything happens again and I would be calling an attorney and the police.

I wish you luck.

do we have a case, I mean with them being minors and all..how would that work? thanks council

 

[PSTAN]

I gave him permission to stand up to any bully, regardless of who they were.

:thumbs:

I agree

Amazing enough, with the school policies that we have in our town the girl would have been taken back to the Principal's office, the police would have been called while the girl's parent(s)would have to for them to arrive and follow them to the Police Station to pick her up. Yes this is fact, I know of a very similar situation already happening this year at one of our grade schools. ???

 

[boonedoggle]

I gave him permission to stand up to any bully, regardless of who they were.

:thumbs:

I agree

Amazing enough, with the school policies that we have in our town the girl would have been taken back to the Principal's office, the police would have been called while the girl's parent(s)would have to for them to arrive and follow them to the Police Station to pick her up. Yes this is fact, I know of a very similar situation already happening this year at one of our grade schools. ???

That's absolutely awesome! I think the cops would scare the hell out of the kid, regardless if they did follow throught.

 

[SweetMelissa]

Unfortunately, having degrees in social work and speech pathology (enough psychology to have a minor in it), i have had students and clients that make you scratch your head....this girl, being such a young age, may indeed have serious problems and need some sort of therapy. The parents may not even be aware of this, since, again, unfortunately, parents dont always know what goes on "mentally and emotionally" with their child. It is easy to say you will always know what is going on with your child. But the reality of it is there are things that lie so far beneath the surface it just doesn't happen the neat, boxed up way you want it to...so proceed with caution..the problems this little girl has can be worse than you think. And maybe if it is addressed now, she won't grow into an adult that blames her life problems on "a childhood that was bad."

Hugs to you and I hope it goes well...

Melissa

 

[PuroEsq]

I think the school will resolve it after interviewing the parents and witnesses, etc. Apparently this child has a long track record of issues. Nevertheless, I told my son to not allow himself to be victimized by a bully, like Fatken suggested...if she does it again, it will be the last time she does! Thanks for the input guys!

Very difficult situation indeed. It is a fine line between teaching your son to respect women and girls and telling his to defend himself against one who is hitting him. Pay very close attention to this matter. Discuss it openly and with a positive attitude with both the parents of the girl and the school. Anything happens again and I would be calling an attorney and the police.

I wish you luck.

do we have a case, I mean with them being minors and all..how would that work? thanks council

PM Sent

 

[stewa070]

I'll put this out there and keep in mind that I'm only 25 and childless so my opinion means nothing, but I would talk to the parents and just see if the girl really has a crush or if she's got issues. If it's a crush tell her folks to show her how to express herself in a little less violent way. At that age kids either bite or hit. The George Strait videos of kids holding hands is B.S. I'd see if she can maybe be a little less agressive, but the fact remains that the kid most likely won't go from punching to blowing kisses. Good advice on standing up to her though. Girl or no girl at that age they're not too unequal.

Back story. When I was that age the girls used to lure us dumb boys in front of the swing sets. We had sense enough to stay out of kicking range, but not when the girls would bail out mid swing and land on us! It's a wonder I never had a cracked rib!

 

[boonedoggle]

Unfortunately, having degrees in social work and speech pathology (enough psychology to have a minor in it), i have had students and clients that make you scratch your head....this girl, being such a young age, may indeed have serious problems and need some sort of therapy. The parents may not even be aware of this, since, again, unfortunately, parents dont always know what goes on "mentally and emotionally" with their child. It is easy to say you will always know what is going on with your child. But the reality of it is there are things that lie so far beneath the surface it just doesn't happen the neat, boxed up way you want it to...so proceed with caution..the problems this little girl has can be worse than you think. And maybe if it is addressed now, she won't grow into an adult that blames her life problems on "a childhood that was bad."

Hugs to you and I hope it goes well...

Melissa

If this girl does have physcological problems, I hope they are resolved early in her life and do not affect anyone else on a more serious level.

 

[Brickhouse]

15 years ago you'd probably tell your son to get over it, it's just a girl.

Nowadays, you can never be too careful.

 

[LilBastage]

This girl may have issues, but it could also be kids being kids. In this day and age, however it is best to err on the safe side.

I would talk to the parents first. There's a good chance that that could solve the whole problem. Of course they may be bullies themselves.

If that didn't solve it, I would call the police the next time and let them take care of it from there. The schools are not equipped to deal with that sort of thing, they have too many other things to deal with. You should let the school know EVERYTHING that is going on and keep them in the loop, but I wouldn't count on them to solve the problem.

If the cops didn't do anything about it, I'd take it to the parents a second time and do it in a very persuasive and assertive manner. No violence at all, but I would definitely let them know that their child is not to mess with my child and that they are most definitely not to mess around with me, especially when it comes to the safety of my child.

I would also tell my kid not to hit her back until all else fails. Seeing the problem solved in another way is just as valuable a lesson for your son to learn as to stand up to things like this.

I would give him permission to wail away at the little girl if none of the other attempts brought about an acceptable outcome.

 

[sack]

The little girl is a kid. I hope neither child gets scarred by this incident. Don't let your son wail on her, i hope the situation get's resolved by mature adults that have the best interest of both kids. Forget the lawyers, they have enough work!

 

[Rob_k]

15 years ago you'd probably tell your son to get over it, it's just a girl.

Nowadays, you can never be too careful.

agreed...i can say the same happened to me when i was a youngster, only diff was it was 1973, and i just hauled off a socked the girl in the arm..problem solved. no parents, no teachers. later in middle/high school we became good friends actually.
these days, the school, police, lawyers would have a field day with it.
i would sit down a rationally discuss it with the parents, if that doesn't work, take it to the school principle, if that doesn't work..well, just keep working your way up the chain.