punk_lawyer
Habeas Punkus
I love when useful statistics from the prior year start rolling in! I came across these 2008 statistics on my wonderful home state of O-HI-O. These are the top ten liquors by gallons sold in the State of Ohio for 2008:
1) Kamchatka Vodka (380,465 gallons) . Linky . This vodka is not produced in the land of fine Russian fly fishing but rather by Kentucky's own Jim Beam Distillery. It is rancid and headache producing but CHEAP!!! This is one of those products that the producers make no doubt about cutting every corner to bring the product to market. Plastic bottle? Sure. Triple Distillation? No way! Expect this to be a well vodka in many of your bars but you have my permission to slap any bartender that tries to serve it to you;
2) Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey (359,873 gallons) . Linky . Okay, so not a big shock that Jack shows himself at Number Two. Despite my love for all things related to Kentucky Bourbon, I respect this more southern distiller (and, yes, I strongly believe Jack's products to be superior to those of George Dickel). If you have ever toured a distillery and marveled at the size of the operation then consider that one distiller, Jack Daniels, sold near 360,000 gallons of product in one state in one year...pretty cool;
3) Bacardi Superior Rum (328,920 gallons) . Linky . Do we really have that many Daquiri days here in Ohio? Rum and coke? Mojitos? I dunno. Don't get me wrong, I like rum but this seems pretty high on the list;
4) Captain Morgan Spiced Rum (285,763 gallons) . Linky . Okay, so it is rum with training wheels. As an Ohio resident I saw the light and headed south to college (I maintain that there are not ten good looking women in the Big Ten). For those suckers who had to attend Ohio State, Captain Morgan has had a reputation of making ugly women truly want to put a little captain inside of them. This one has its place in the bar but really, #4? ;
5) Jagermeister Liquer (284,488 gallons) . Linky . Is there anyone that doesn't shudder at the thought of 285,000 gallons of Jager? Seriously. Yes, I have had a few gallons but this is a shot that demands respect. If anything on this list is going to put Ohio into the running as a state that will party hard it is the fact that Jager is in our Top Five! ;
6) Smirnoff Vodka (277,837 gallons) . Linky . Still standing strong after all of these years, Smirnoff has aggressively marketed to women around here. Again, owing to the Big Ten's utter lack of attractive women, I applaud the efforts of all distillers that try to ply the ugly with liquor! Smirnoff has as many flavors as Baskin Robbins by now;
7) Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey (275,027 gallons) . WTF okay, a chance at redemption: Linky . Okay, that wasn't so great either but stay with me. Crown is a good solid whiskey. I can't believe it outsells every bourbon in Ohio but maybe we Buckeyes like Canadians more than we like Kentuckians. I would drink it with a good cigar ;
8) Absolut Vodka (267,159 gallons) . Boycott Absolut . Since I could find no picture of a girl in similar Absolut ad, I call on my fellow Ohioans to boycott the sale of Absolut vodka unless or until their sexist ad campaigns are balanced across the gender spectrum;
9) Black Velvet Canadian Whiskey (250,070 gallons) . Linky . There are LOTS of reasons to love black velvet but I can't think of any reason to love Black Velvet Whiskey. Why, OH, why do my fellow Ohioans love Canadian whiskeys?
10) Korski Vodka (227,403 gallons) . Linky . And we end where we started...with cheap rot gut vodka. This crap is distilled in Cleveland. Cleveland. Think about it. Oh, and I make no association between my earlier comments on the Big Ten and this pic, you can do that on your own!
Total Gallons in the top ten sellers: 2,937,005
1) Kamchatka Vodka (380,465 gallons) . Linky . This vodka is not produced in the land of fine Russian fly fishing but rather by Kentucky's own Jim Beam Distillery. It is rancid and headache producing but CHEAP!!! This is one of those products that the producers make no doubt about cutting every corner to bring the product to market. Plastic bottle? Sure. Triple Distillation? No way! Expect this to be a well vodka in many of your bars but you have my permission to slap any bartender that tries to serve it to you;
2) Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey (359,873 gallons) . Linky . Okay, so not a big shock that Jack shows himself at Number Two. Despite my love for all things related to Kentucky Bourbon, I respect this more southern distiller (and, yes, I strongly believe Jack's products to be superior to those of George Dickel). If you have ever toured a distillery and marveled at the size of the operation then consider that one distiller, Jack Daniels, sold near 360,000 gallons of product in one state in one year...pretty cool;
3) Bacardi Superior Rum (328,920 gallons) . Linky . Do we really have that many Daquiri days here in Ohio? Rum and coke? Mojitos? I dunno. Don't get me wrong, I like rum but this seems pretty high on the list;
4) Captain Morgan Spiced Rum (285,763 gallons) . Linky . Okay, so it is rum with training wheels. As an Ohio resident I saw the light and headed south to college (I maintain that there are not ten good looking women in the Big Ten). For those suckers who had to attend Ohio State, Captain Morgan has had a reputation of making ugly women truly want to put a little captain inside of them. This one has its place in the bar but really, #4? ;
5) Jagermeister Liquer (284,488 gallons) . Linky . Is there anyone that doesn't shudder at the thought of 285,000 gallons of Jager? Seriously. Yes, I have had a few gallons but this is a shot that demands respect. If anything on this list is going to put Ohio into the running as a state that will party hard it is the fact that Jager is in our Top Five! ;
6) Smirnoff Vodka (277,837 gallons) . Linky . Still standing strong after all of these years, Smirnoff has aggressively marketed to women around here. Again, owing to the Big Ten's utter lack of attractive women, I applaud the efforts of all distillers that try to ply the ugly with liquor! Smirnoff has as many flavors as Baskin Robbins by now;
7) Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey (275,027 gallons) . WTF okay, a chance at redemption: Linky . Okay, that wasn't so great either but stay with me. Crown is a good solid whiskey. I can't believe it outsells every bourbon in Ohio but maybe we Buckeyes like Canadians more than we like Kentuckians. I would drink it with a good cigar ;
8) Absolut Vodka (267,159 gallons) . Boycott Absolut . Since I could find no picture of a girl in similar Absolut ad, I call on my fellow Ohioans to boycott the sale of Absolut vodka unless or until their sexist ad campaigns are balanced across the gender spectrum;
9) Black Velvet Canadian Whiskey (250,070 gallons) . Linky . There are LOTS of reasons to love black velvet but I can't think of any reason to love Black Velvet Whiskey. Why, OH, why do my fellow Ohioans love Canadian whiskeys?
10) Korski Vodka (227,403 gallons) . Linky . And we end where we started...with cheap rot gut vodka. This crap is distilled in Cleveland. Cleveland. Think about it. Oh, and I make no association between my earlier comments on the Big Ten and this pic, you can do that on your own!
Total Gallons in the top ten sellers: 2,937,005
