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SERVICE HUMOR>>>

Cheekie

Cheekie

Yeah fuggers, I am still around!
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
838
Location
PANAMA CITY FLORIDA
Let me preface this with I am raised by the CORPS, my dad lived, died, and was buried as a MARINE.
My mom was a SQUID...UNCLE was a FLY BOY- stepdad a grunt- grandad was a cop, emt, and a military-
I am dating a coastie-
I love em all but to hell I can poke fun at them too!

MARINE ENTRANCE EXAM
 
U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Zoomie Flyboy, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten the hell out of me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my -- snicker -- "basic training," I will be a lean, mean, doughnut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger, fighting machine. I will believe that I am superior to all others, and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early everyday.
I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.
Signature: ___________________ Date: ________________
 
U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Rambo Part 5, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre useless dull life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim and I get sea sick.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual harassment or dating the C.O.'s underage daughter.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home, because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation of military service, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam, even at a 2 year school.
So help me God.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________ U.S.
 
NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Neptune, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...Why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever, except maybe to the British.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.
I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues."
So help me Neptune.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________
 
COAST GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Shipmate Pirate, do hereby pretend to catch and apprehend thieves on the high seas and to rescue those in distress, but most importantly prevent all those stinking illegal aliens from entering the United States.
Any illegal alien or drug smuggler found, I promise to sink their craft no matter what type, size, shape, configuration, or country of origin, unless it is politically incorrect at that moment or they just happen to be Japanese. If they are Japanese, even though they may be in U.S. territorial waters illegally, endangering U.S. shipping, engage in spying activities, catching our fish and starving Americans, or they ran into my boat, I will immediately notify the State Department so the necessary apologizes may be issued throughout the international news media.
Further, I understand that various Federal Agencies such as the DEA, Customs, the INS, the FBI, and ATF may have agents on board a ship that I am assigned to, and that if they are female I will conduct myself in the manner of a Shipmate Pirate, and tell them suck me or walk the plank.
So help me Shipmate Pirate.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________



E's gonna kill me over this one!
 
THE NATIONAL GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Mr. Wannabee, hereby acknowledge that I joined the National Guard full time because I am a spineless, gutless, useless **** who's only ambition is to sit around and drink beer, use government facilities and property for my personal needs, and collect my pension.
So help me Mr. Wannabee.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________



U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...high-and-tight... grunt... cammies... ugh... Air Force women.... and, kicking ass is a way of life.
HOORAH! Semper Fi! Gung ho!
So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________
 
You guys can dog the Air Force all ya want...all i know is that i get paid the same as all the other services and get the extra "fluff" that comes along with being a "flyboy" :p :p
 
Jeffro600 said:
You guys can dog the Air Force all ya want...all i know is that i get paid the same as all the other services and get the extra "fluff" that comes along with being a "flyboy" :p :p
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Hun- let me tell ya there 'aint nuthin FLY about a flyboy!


Are you MOTIVATED?
HOOOORAAAAAHHHHH!
 
[quote name='EMO'S_GRRL' date='Aug 19 2005, 04:12 PM'][quote name='Jeffro600' date='Aug 19 2005, 07:10 PM']You guys can dog the Air Force all ya want...all i know is that i get paid the same as all the other services and get the extra "fluff" that comes along with being a "flyboy" :p :p
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Are you MOTIVATED?
HOOOORAAAAAHHHHH!
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Quite so...the nice A/C vent over my spacious desk that i sit at in my reclining leather chair gives me plenty of motivation to get through the grueling day! :whistling: :whistling: If they let me smoke cigars inside the building, id NEVER retire!! :D
 
[quote name='Jeffro600' date='Aug 19 2005, 07:15 PM'][quote name='EMO'S_GRRL' date='Aug 19 2005, 04:12 PM'][quote name='Jeffro600' date='Aug 19 2005, 07:10 PM']You guys can dog the Air Force all ya want...all i know is that i get paid the same as all the other services and get the extra "fluff" that comes along with being a "flyboy"  :p  :p
[snapback]214644[/snapback]​
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Are you MOTIVATED?
HOOOORAAAAAHHHHH!
[snapback]214647[/snapback]​
[/quote]

Quite so...the nice A/C vent over my spacious desk that i sit at in my reclining leather chair gives me plenty of motivation to get through the grueling day! :whistling: :whistling:
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Laziness is not a virtue-
like I tell my 9 year old boy- Don't let mommy be the most hardworking man you know-
 
EMO said:
Jeffro600 said:
You guys can dog the Air Force all ya want...all i know is that i get paid the same as all the other services and get the extra "fluff" that comes along with being a "flyboy" :p :p
[snapback]214644[/snapback]​
Click to expand...


Are you MOTIVATED?
HOOOORAAAAAHHHHH!
[snapback]214647[/snapback]​
Click to expand...

Quite so...the nice A/C vent over my spacious desk that i sit at in my reclining leather chair gives me plenty of motivation to get through the grueling day! :whistling: :whistling:
[snapback]214652[/snapback]​
[/quote]

Laziness is not a virtue-
like I tell my 9 year old boy- Don't let mommy be the most hardworking man you know-
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[/quote]


So having a desk job is considered being lazy....? :rolleyes:
 
oh... no hun I am sure that the strain of pushing that stapler across that spacious desk of yours is hard work- especially since you are working against the wind blown out of the a/c vent..
remember to hydrate and to take frequent breaks we all know you the airforce'itis
 
Sounds like someones got a quality of life issue....please consult your nearest "life skills" office ASAP!! :laugh:
 
Jeffro600 said:
Sounds like someones got a quality of life issue....please consult your nearest "life skills" office ASAP!! :laugh:
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I work hard, I play hard, and I like people who do the same...
By no means am I belittling your task in life ( however trivial it may be ) there is a purpose for you.
without you where would we get all those funny fly boy jokes!
 
[quote name='EMO'S_GRRL' date='Aug 19 2005, 04:30 PM'][quote name='Jeffro600' date='Aug 19 2005, 07:26 PM']Sounds like someones got a quality of life issue....please consult your nearest "life skills" office ASAP!! :laugh:
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I
By no means am I belittling your task in life ( however trivial it may be )
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Just remember next time you get your paycheck, put on your next rank, go on leave, PCS to a different base, have a financial problem, go to see your doctor, or just about do anything in the military, that without us lazy paper pushers and desk jockies youd be S.O.L.!

We may not dig trenches, fight the front lines or grunt all day long...our hard work goes on behind the scenes.
 
[quote name='Jeffro600' date='Aug 19 2005, 07:40 PM'][quote name='EMO'S_GRRL' date='Aug 19 2005, 04:30 PM'][quote name='Jeffro600' date='Aug 19 2005, 07:26 PM']Sounds like someones got a quality of life issue....please consult your nearest "life skills" office ASAP!!  :laugh:
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I
By no means am I belittling your task in life ( however trivial it may be )
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Just remember next time you get your paycheck, put on your next rank, go on leave, PCS to a different base, have a financial problem, go to see your doctor, or just about do anything in the military, that without us lazy paper pushers and desk jockies youd be S.O.L.!

We may not dig trenches, fight the front lines or grunt all day long...our hard work goes on behind the scenes.
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LET ME tell ya it is a sybiotic union between the trench diggers and the paper pushers-
if you read carefully what the first post said- never did it mention ME being MILITARY!!
for the sake of the trench diggers- I sure hope you pay attention to those decimal points and sentence syntax- lest we have a paperpusher Fau Paux
 
and in this I leave with one last comment.
it is not the dog in the fight it is the fight in the dog....

all service men are honorable and I applaud you for what you do.
 
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