Super Bowl DR Review #2: King Edward

kann

One Leg Of Fury.
On a day that quickly changed from mild and sunny, to overcast and blustery, to gale force winds and torrential downpour, and then back to mild and sunny again (rinse and repeat as necessary), I put on my jock strap, swallowed what's left of my pride, and pulled the King Edward out of the cooler (this thing doesn't rate room in the fridgidor with the rest of the tobacco).

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This is another ultra-premium high end smoke that is probably too rich for the blood of you plebeians, as indicated by the royal decree on the band. I had to take a moment to just soak in the fact I was actually holding this stick in my hands. I have a bunch of communist cigars and a plethora of great NCs, but this... this should have arrived in a purple velvet bag instead of utilitarian cellophane. A pre-light examination of this stick presents a careful construction. The wrapper appears to be that of packing tape. Now, not just any packing tape, but that brown paper tape that is nearly impossible to cut through when trying to open your Amazon boxes. I'd expect nothing less from a cigar named after the man who restored air pollution to the kingdom! The seams were expertly overlapped, and where the edges were not sealed down, there was evidently enough KrazyGlue underneath to keep it all from unraveling. Exquisite craftsmanship.

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This figurado had what I first took to be a massive beetle hole at the end of it. In fact, I was kind of hoping it was, because it would add an extra dynamic layer to the smoking experience. With the size of that hole, maybe I could even manage to capture one and domesticate the fucker. Enzo is always looking for a new friend to play with. Alas, it dawned on me that this was actually a practicality invoked in the careful torceration. Would YOU make a king engage in such a mundane task as cutting a cigar? No, of course you wouldn't. This opening was precision engineered to provide the perfect draw each and every time. Too bad -- I was kind of looking forward to the beetle.

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I looked around for my most Edwardian clothing, and in the back of the downstairs closet I discovered a sweater that was made in England. Perfect. I paired this cigar with a vessel of ye oldest mead in the castle. Appropriately attired for the occasion and with the proper beverage, I channeled old Ed XIII, himself: "Now I may smoke!"
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I was going to use the expensive lighter, again, but then I thought that I needed to do this authentically. How would King Edward have his slaves royal assistants light his cigar for him?

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It only hurt for a little bit, and seventeen minutes later I was on my way outside to really get into this thing. The initial third brought distinct notes of cardboard and regret. The draw was easy and the cigar produced ample amounts of smoke. The burn was a bit uneven throughout, but the flavor more than made up for it. It's clear that this is filled with the finest tobacco scraps that the virgins could sweep from the factory floors. These pieces of tobacco and shoe sole detritus were then shipped off to be expertly handmade in a machine in Florida.

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The ash was dark and airy. I'm not sure how they did it, but this cigar was made so that the king would never have to expend any extra energy or make any unnecessary movement to knock the ash off the cigar, as it flaked away and removed itself without and effort on my part. Genius!

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The second third continued with the sweet cardboard taste, and the aroma emanating from the cigar began affecting the local wildlife. Birds stopped singing, as they were obviously inhaling the sublime scents for themselves, insects must have respected my state of smoky bliss since even the flies and mosquitos stayed away, and my dog wondrously ceased his usually-incessant outdoor barking to hide lay in the far corner of the yard. I truly felt like royalty.

The final third brought a surprise, as tar began seeping out of the draw hole. These tabacalera virgins knew what they were doing, because this bitter, stinging addition brought about a welcome dynamic change from the cardboard, Reebok, and KrazyGlue that had been dominating the palate to this point.

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It was at this point that I have to begin marking down the cigar. While the Precision Draw Opening is great in concept, and the tar ejections added to the complexity, the PDO began getting clogged up. I promised to smoke these in full, so I pulled out my Xikar cutter in an attempt to cut the tip off (something a king just should NOT have to do). I say "attempt", because the packing tape wrapper proved just as hard to cut through here as it does on your Amazon packages. I ended up tearing it more than cutting it, and with every draw after more and more tobacco and whatever fell away freely. So much fell out that the wrapper was nearly a hollow barrel in no time. I was afraid that the red-hot head was going to fall clear through the bottom of the wrapper and land on my little court jester. At this point I knew I had to reluctantly discard the smoke.

Total smoking time was about 25 minutes. I would rate this a 432/100. Definitely fit for royalty. I don't know if any of the other three in this series will be able to live up to the King Edward.

Hail to the king, baby...
 

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kann

One Leg Of Fury.
Thanks, all. Aside from actually having to smoke the cigars in question, they are fun to do. Three left to go, and I hope to have the next one completed before the weekend.
 
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