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Musings

golfgar

golfgar

Bueller.... Bueller...... Anyone....... Anyone?
Joined
Mar 15, 2004
Messages
6,413
Location
St. Louis
I was cutting the grass for the first time this season and kept hitting cigars butts that were tossed over the deck and in the front yard during the winter. This made me think that perhaps I was way too far into the cigar thing. Then I was at the post office mailing a package and started to amuse myself with this cigar thing, came home and typed out a few things that are along the lines of "you know you're a redneck when......."

I hope some people enjoy the musings and if you add to them it would be fun also. Perhaps the best one (I'm the judge) should get a 5'er of m favorite sticks.

Disclaimer:
I sincerely wish that this doesn't offend anyone and the intent is just to have fun with personal observations. Also, if it has been done before I am sorry do to it again and I apologize to whoever started the thread before. I did not reaseach to find out so I am ignorant as regards any previous threads. :)

Anyway just wanted to have a little fun with this and "You know you are way too far into the cigar thing when.........

The primary source of fertilizer in your yard is decaying cigar butts.

When you think the 8 pack of clear plastic boxing tape from Sam's is a small package item.

When you think the postal employee with the big ass is starting to look good, so you start smiling back.

When you have an account with USPS on line and the address book is full.

When you think you might understand the term “asshat”.

When your wife thinks you belong to a secret gay society.

You have a second credit card just for overseas purchases.

You pay the kid next door to check on you humidors when you leave town.

Your pay $75.00 for a cigar you never intend to smoke.

There are 3 delivery trucks at your door at the same time (and the one you really wanted to see isn’t there yet).

You know where all the cigar shops are and at least pretend to be friends with all the owners even though you think some of them are DWE's (dicks with ears).

A yard gar is a gardening tool.

When someone asks you what goes good with a cigar and you don’t answer “pussy”.

A decoy is a cheap cigar strategically placed on top of the travel humidor for the non-initiated because you hate to waste a good one on them.

There are burn marks in you suits and it’s “OK”.

Being bombed has nothing to do with drinking.

Bombing is good.

You can tell ring gauge within 1 by sight.

You even know what ring gauge is.

A quarter is a highly calibrated measuring device used in photos.




spelling edit
 
When you go shopping and you compare the price of said item to how many cigars it would buy.

You get a locker at a B&M that is 83+ miles away so that the cigars are safe from YOU!
 
You know you are way too far into the cigar thing when.........

You try to judge the ring gauge of your wife's/GF's nipples :laugh:


All you SOTLs about to go nuts, don't bash me, your men probably already brought this up at home :p
 
when...

You can recite box codes in your sleep.

Your wife continually threatens to throw your computer out the window.

Your porch is draped in 2 mil. thick plastic drop cloth during the winter months.

You have secret fantasies about Monica Lewinsky.
 
when...

...you can tell the RH of a humidor by the feel of the cigars in it.

...airport security questions you about the cigar cutters you are carrying.

...your 'dors collection means humidor, coolidor and tupperdor rather than any music.

...your buddy mentions "making a pass" you assume cigars are involved, rather than women.

...you start using more acromynms per sentence than the military.
(e.g. Any BOTL willing to trade a VSG, VRF, RASS or WOAM?)

...you map out your area bars and restaurants based on "cigar friendliness."

...you build an entire structure to have a place to smoke in the winter.





-K-

PS: I'll add more if I think of any.
 
Mr Peat said:
When you go shopping and you compare the price of said item to how many cigars it would buy.
edit out
Click to expand...



Damn! I do this all the time!

:whistling:



Double Damn!


I did this too :"...you build an entire structure to have a place to smoke in the winter"
 
Hi, golfgar! You know you have gone way too far into your cigars when.....you have two lit robustos in your mouth, and three burning in your ashtray! Regards, knightlaird
 
...when your wife tells you that you have enough cigars and don't need more
....when gold Visa makes a special category for your purchases under "cigars"
.....when you open your mail and the cigars are placed in your humidor before that "URGENT" priority parcel sits unopened
......when you don't need to purchase roundup cuz the quantity of tobacco on your lawn is a natural pesticide
 
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