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How do I tell the wife?

bilder

bilder

Active Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2006
Messages
1,470
Location
Myrtle Point, Oregon
My wife thinks tobacco is of the devil. She does know that I have smoked a cigar every now and then in the past, but now that I am keeping a stock on hand, sooner or later she will beat me to the mailbox and discover my dirty little secret.

Been keeping my stash at work in order to preserve the peace. After 15 years of marriage, I have learned that sometimes it is just best to keep quiet on some matters. I will not be able to keep cigars quiet forever, and I will need a good sales pitch.

How did you guys break it to your wife? Is she supportive? (lucky bastards) Did she beat the crap out of you? Did you have to produce the studies that show occasional cigar smoking is a minimal health risk over cancer sticks?
 
Seems to me you've already lost the battle. If it's that big of a deal, you'll likely never get her to accept it. It may just be "one of those things" that you'll have to agree to disagree on and go from there.

I don't hide anything from my wife. If it means taking the figurative frying pan to the head now and again, that's just marriage. Besides, she has habits and things she does that I don't really care for. I don't get in her face about stuff, I just learn to deal with it as she does with me.

We've both changed a lot over the years that we've been married. The trick has been to take the changes in stride and try to deal with them. Our core values and our true selves are still the same, we just have some different interests now. It's called personal growth and should be expected and fostered.

JMHO
 
I have a wife that is an ex-smoker, she dosn't mind the cigar smoking. What really sends her in orbit is the cost.

You have either to come clean with her or keep storing your stash at work and having them sent to you at work if possable.
 
Knowing my wife, she will probably throw a fit for a few days then move on to another issue.

It is just that those few days are gonna be miserable. :(

Should have seen her when I started homebrewing......
 
I gotta agree with bastige here. My wife doesn't like my smoking cigars (primarily because we have a 6 mo old and she doesn't want to be tempted to start smoking cigs again when she found out she was pregnant). Knowing this I still think it is better to be on the level with her about it and deal with some of the fall out. Usually in my experience it is better to keep things out in the open than to be caught in what appears to be deception or a lie at a later time. Trust is really important and sometimes it comes at the price of getting hit over the head with a frying pan =D

Just my 2c
 
Well said Alan!

You have my sympathy! ??? I cannot comment. I learnt a long time ago -
never get in the middle of a dog fight, you will always get bitten! :laugh:

Brian
 
Guess I could offer a trade.

She gets another shelf for her fabric and yarn, and I get a couple of coolers in the closet for cigars.

If you can't beat 'em, bribe 'em. :)
 
insight said:
I gotta agree with bastige here. My wife doesn't like my smoking cigars (primarily because we have a 6 mo old and she doesn't want to be tempted to start smoking cigs again when she found out she was pregnant). Knowing this I still think it is better to be on the level with her about it and deal with some of the fall out. Usually in my experience it is better to keep things out in the open than to be caught in what appears to be deception or a lie at a later time. Trust is really important and sometimes it comes at the price of getting hit over the head with a frying pan =D

Just my 2c
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Totally agree!!!!! My wife hates it too because of my influence to our children. Also, I am a physician so that even looks shady. I abide by my wife's demands and I smoke outside with a separate set of clothes and shower when I come in the house. Extreme..hell ya but it keeps peace in the home. I smoke about 3 cigars a day.
 
Cigars and pipe are more tolerable than any other form of tobacco to my wife, that was another reason I stopped using dipping, chewing and cigarets in college.

Just be open and honest about it. My wife doesn't like all the cigars I smoke but it really takes a dog rocket for her to complain.
 
I was smoking cigars way before I met my wife. But even then I explained to her its more about the ritual of setting time aside for myself....

If that line of BS doesn't work go visit my buddy Alan Green at Greens Furiers downtown and get here nice coat for winter ;)
 
Just broke the news to her.

As expected, she gave me that 'look' we men dread. :0

But after I told her that I will smoke 1-3 a week tops and that I would never smoke around her or the kids she calmed down a bit. I only smoke at work with friends anyway so as long as my buddies keep with their 1-3 a week I will be fine.

I am adopting the same principle with cigars that I do with alcohol. I only have some every now and then and never in front of the kids. She says she does not like it, but will tolerate it as long as it does not get addictive (the smoking part, not collecting) she will let me have my fun.

I will have to put up with the comments and hints for the next few weeks as she voices her displeasure with my new hobby, but I think she will live.

She was raised very conservative and alcohol and tobacco were evil in her house growing up. She has come around on alcohol once she saw that the rum and coke or beer I have once every couple weeks did not turn me into a wife beating madman. She even has a glass of wine with me from time to time these days.

I explained to her that I know full well the dangers of tobacco (my dad died of lung cancer when I was a boy) and that if I ever find myself getting addicted that I will stop it. I also asked her which was worse for me- a cigar every now and then or all the jet exhaust I have been sucking in for the last 12 years. I think that hit the mark in her reasoning.

Anyway, I will have to put up with the little comments I hate for the next few weeks, but after she sees that I am not turning into a human smoke stack like my brother in law (a pack and a half a day smoker) she should calm down.

Who knows, maybe I can find a nice mello flavored one that she will like some day.

One can only wish.....
 
Well I guess I have it made then. I've never taken a drag of a cigarette in my life, not has the Mrs. However she has no problem with my cigar smoking, nor the cost. I guess I got an Angel! :thumbs:
 
bilder said:
Just broke the news to her.

As expected, she gave me that 'look' we men dread. :0

But after I told her that I will smoke 1-3 a week tops and that I would never smoke around her or the kids she calmed down a bit. I only smoke at work with friends anyway so as long as my buddies keep with their 1-3 a week I will be fine.

I am adopting the same principle with cigars that I do with alcohol. I only have some every now and then and never in front of the kids. She says she does not like it, but will tolerate it as long as it does not get addictive (the smoking part, not collecting) she will let me have my fun.

I will have to put up with the comments and hints for the next few weeks as she voices her displeasure with my new hobby, but I think she will live.

She was raised very conservative and alcohol and tobacco were evil in her house growing up. She has come around on alcohol once she saw that the rum and coke or beer I have once every couple weeks did not turn me into a wife beating madman. She even has a glass of wine with me from time to time these days.

I explained to her that I know full well the dangers of tobacco (my dad died of lung cancer when I was a boy) and that if I ever find myself getting addicted that I will stop it. I also asked her which was worse for me- a cigar every now and then or all the jet exhaust I have been sucking in for the last 12 years. I think that hit the mark in her reasoning.

Anyway, I will have to put up with the little comments I hate for the next few weeks, but after she sees that I am not turning into a human smoke stack like my brother in law (a pack and a half a day smoker) she should calm down.

Who knows, maybe I can find a nice mello flavored one that she will like some day.

One can only wish.....
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"The Myth of Willpower"



'Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.'



I would if I could but I can't.

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hobby = obssesion <-------but that's just me!! :D



As a good friend tells me all the time: "Best of Luck!" :thumbs:
 
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