Swifty
Dismember
Alright here is the deal...
The night before last was generally problematic, for reasons outside of my colon. Including, but not limited to, many false Defcon alerts from my internal warning system. I thought nothing of it as I went to sleep that night. So, the next morning I woke up late, as I had not properly set my alarm, and was forced to quickly assemble and head out to work.
Well, little did I remember the warnings of the previous evening, which made themselves very very VERY apparent as I sat in traffic on the Broadway Bridge ???
"Ok, damage control. I can do this......I CAN DO THIS........OH GOD!!!!"
I made it into the parking lot, in view of my office and end goal. As I got out of the car, the seal slipped, just a bit, and luckily with a great deal of muscular control I managed to "contain" myself, mostly :blush: .
With a very quick duck waddle, I manipulated my self up two flights of stairs. I pounded in the bathroom door and immediately threw my jacket, hat, sunglasses, gloves, lunch, laptop, and pants on the floor like they were on fire.
Thanks be to all that is good that we have single person restroom.
Besides the fact that I sounded like a tuba spraying out a stream of chili smoothie, the general aroma was enough to make me want to leave .
I completed the deed, and bathed myself with moistened towels I gathered in the bathroom. Of all the luck my underwear was not even scratched by the blast. I somehow managed to contain the leak within the meat.
What did I learn:
1-Never ignore the early warning system, for it is never wrong.
2-Stick to your plan and schedule. Being late to work is better than shitting your pants
3-Always have extra underwear and wipes in your Get Home Bag. You never know
Anyone else???
This thread is too damn funny! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I HATE using public restrooms for this kind of business therefore I have had too many close calls to count. Actually in Jr. High there was a very traumatic not close enough call.
