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Ignoring the Early Warning System

OpusXKC said:
Alright here is the deal...

The night before last was generally problematic, for reasons outside of my colon. Including, but not limited to, many false Defcon alerts from my internal warning system. I thought nothing of it as I went to sleep that night. So, the next morning I woke up late, as I had not properly set my alarm, and was forced to quickly assemble and head out to work.

Well, little did I remember the warnings of the previous evening, which made themselves very very VERY apparent as I sat in traffic on the Broadway Bridge ???

"Ok, damage control. I can do this......I CAN DO THIS........OH GOD!!!!"

I made it into the parking lot, in view of my office and end goal. As I got out of the car, the seal slipped, just a bit, and luckily with a great deal of muscular control I managed to "contain" myself, mostly :blush: .

With a very quick duck waddle, I manipulated my self up two flights of stairs. I pounded in the bathroom door and immediately threw my jacket, hat, sunglasses, gloves, lunch, laptop, and pants on the floor like they were on fire.

Thanks be to all that is good that we have single person restroom.

Besides the fact that I sounded like a tuba spraying out a stream of chili smoothie, the general aroma was enough to make me want to leave .

I completed the deed, and bathed myself with moistened towels I gathered in the bathroom. Of all the luck my underwear was not even scratched by the blast. I somehow managed to contain the leak within the meat.

What did I learn:
1-Never ignore the early warning system, for it is never wrong.
2-Stick to your plan and schedule. Being late to work is better than shitting your pants
3-Always have extra underwear and wipes in your Get Home Bag. You never know :cool:

Anyone else???
Click to expand...

This thread is too damn funny! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I HATE using public restrooms for this kind of business therefore I have had too many close calls to count. Actually in Jr. High there was a very traumatic not close enough call.
 
I vote we get this thread 'pinned'!!!
Funny... yet sick!!!

:thumbs:
 
I second the vote for getting this pinned. I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time.
 
"...and you were yelling "the CIA put a chip in my brain", I almost shit my pants."

"ALMOST!!!"

I've been there a few too many times to count, my friend. My favorite is after eating at one of Springfield's fine Chinese-flavored restaurants. Anyway, to make a long story short, I really had to go. I ran up three flights of stairs, unlocked my door, closed and locked it, ran into the bathroom while throwing off my coat and unbuttoning my pants, and just as i was pulling them down and in the motion of sitting down, the "bomb bay doors" opened and I took a nice Bill Cosby all over the seat. Some of it made its way into the toilet. The rest ended up all over the seat, including stuck in the seat's hinges. I spent the next 45 minutes scrubbing the ass pudding off the toilet.

The moral of the story...

Don't eat Chinese-flavored food in Springfield.

Actually, the moral of the story is what Tony alluded to previously...

DON'T IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS!!!
 
I just have to say, I am getting to MUCH information about the guys from the KC area. I guess I'm just gonna start calling you all Shitty Pants. :laugh:
 
SMSUCigarguy said:
"...and you were yelling "the CIA put a chip in my brain", I almost shit my pants."

"ALMOST!!!"

I've been there a few too many times to count, my friend. My favorite is after eating at one of Springfield's fine Chinese-flavored restaurants. Anyway, to make a long story short, I really had to go. I ran up three flights of stairs, unlocked my door, closed and locked it, ran into the bathroom while throwing off my coat and unbuttoning my pants, and just as i was pulling them down and in the motion of sitting down, the "bomb bay doors" opened and I took a nice Bill Cosby all over the seat. Some of it made its way into the toilet. The rest ended up all over the seat, including stuck in the seat's hinges. I spent the next 45 minutes scrubbing the ass pudding off the toilet.

The moral of the story...

Don't eat Chinese-flavored food in Springfield.

Actually, the moral of the story is what Tony alluded to previously...

DON'T IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS!!!
Click to expand...

??? ... LOL!!!
 
SMSUCigarguy said:
...I took a nice Bill Cosby all over the seat.... I spent the next 45 minutes scrubbing the ass pudding off the toilet.
Click to expand...
Ah yes, the "Bill Cosby". Allow me to elaborate.

The term "Bill Cosby" used in this context is used to describe the consistency of the movement. The reference alludes to the composition, and viscosity of Jello Pudding, to which Bill Cosby is so famous for selling. :cool:
 
As I stated over on arfcom, at least you wore brown pants! :sign: I was halfway into the move once, after a similarly dreadful drive home from work, and did some great artwork on the crapper. It happens. I don't know about you all (except you Tony) but my early warning system gives me about 5-10 minutes of 'safe time' and after that its a good idea to be seated on a bowl filled with water. I wonder if there are upgrades available. If anyone wants more great stories about Tony, PM me.
 
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