Thanks! I just shot my morning coffee through my nose and all over my computer monitor! :laugh:
My wife and I were enjoying our usual Saturday morning peaceful and relaxing coffee and newspaper break at a local establishment when in comes momma and her three "chicks". Cute little buggers, they were! Looked to be ages 2,4 and 6. Like a whirlwind, the three worked the place over like a bum on a bologna sandwich! I turned to my wife, having just been violently ripped out of my blissful moment, and said, "Thank GOD our children are grown up!!!" My wife said, "No - I liked them when they were like that! All of their problems could be easily fixed with a kiss on the "boo-boo"!"
A wise woman once told me, "When they're young, they step on your feet. When they get older, they step on your heart!!!"
My friend - having gone through the upgrade process myself on four separate occasions (three female units, and one male unit - with the last female unit currently in version 17.5), I feel your pain! Female unit #1 had a major meltdown after upgrade v14.5. I am convinced it was best attributed to the installation of the upgrade source code which caused the conflict. While I have not been able to fully debug the source code (due to it's incredible complexity), I believe I have traced the issue to programming which led the female unit to desire an immediate upgrade to v21.0.
My favorite programming glitch was when female unit #3, after ugrade 16.0, came to me and said, "Dad - we are "equals", right?" I asked her, "at what level?" She said, "At all levels! My teacher told me we were equals at all levels!" So I posed a question to her... "What is your contribution to this family? Do you provide support to the others in the family? And if you do - what it is you truly contribute?" She looked at me, puzzled... I said, "Honey - we could not possibly ever be "equals" as in "peers". We could be adults at the same time, but we can never reverse our roles - I cannot be your son, you cannot be my mother. In that - we will never be "equal" ". I had thought I had made a pretty insightful argument! However, it resulted in female unit #3 running off and crying!
Mother comes home a short time later and (of course) female unit #3 runs to her and asks the same question... Moms reponse? "You've GOT to be kidding!" Why hadn't I thought of that! It was BRILLIANT!!! (of course it resulted in the same running off and crying routine, but it was BRILLIANT!).
Best I can tell you - everything you've done to this point is what you're going to have to rely on. If you or your wife have not established a good relationship with your daughter, you can talk and beg and cry and argue and it will not get you anywhere. You're sincerely going to have to leverage her feelings for you during this dark period. Be patient - try to understand (even if it makes absolutely no sense), try to reach common ground where you can, and put your foot down when you have to (they are still trying to test your boundaries). Fight when you have to, but be careful about what battles you choose to fight over. And always, ALWAYS, communicate it in a way that she knows you care, rather than "because I said so!!!"
I do not have the perfect answers, because I do not have perfect children. But I've found the best to accept ducking when the punches come (i.e. - when they're in your face, defiant as ever), and hope and pray that they are never, EVER carted away in handcuffs or killed trying to test the boundaries! To me - the rest that comes is just fluff!!!
You've taken a good first step, though - some of my best advice has come from honest answers from other parents in the same situation. I'm sure your local school has some kind of recommendation for a parental support group. Believe it - it's worth every minute!!
Good luck!