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Ahhhh Woman Woes

LilBastage said:
She has to learn to accept who you are. Especially if marriage is in the plans. Some things are negotiable and some are not. It's up to you to decide what is and what isn't and to let her know.

My wife really doesn't like my cigar hobby. She gives me the business about it occasionally, but she knows it's important to me and would never try to tell me how to enjoy it.
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Perfectly put. My wife is exactly the same way, however I repeat.... my WIFE! She realizes I'll do what I do (because she knows I will do whatever I have in mind to do) and will pipe up to remind me of some study she seems to have overheard about how cigars cause frequent mouth cancer. I'll smile, say something very fresh and the topic won't be breached for another year or two.



Darren
 
I'm married 10 years..happily! Had a 6 year unhappy marriage so I've seen both sides.

It's all about being able to give a little here and there. If you want to smoke cigars and you should be able to if you want to, then smoke at a level that you feel is acceptable to you as well as the future Mrs. She needs to give a little and get comfortable with your smoking habit and let you smoke your 1,2,3 a week or whatever you can agree on. If she decides that within the relationship it is acceptable to dictate without reproach what you decide is good for each other then the next time she decides to order that second drink, the chili fries or the Haagen Daas you might as well tell her that it's not good for her health and give her the eye and stop speaking to her, it goes both ways.

My wife was concerned when I bought my first sampler pack, then when I bought my first humidor, less so about my second and now my large humidor with my name engraved on the front is kept in the living room and she cleans it weekly. I smoke 1-2 a week and she talks to me on the patio while I smoke, she said she likes the smell of some of the cigars. When we go on vacation she reminds me to bring a few.

My opinion: Go slow, 1 a week maybe 2, brush and mouthwash when you're done. Don't smoke on the nights that you think that you might be getting lucky.

We all like to do things that the Surgeon General doesn't approve in but if done in moderation I don't see the problem.

Good luck!!
 
I don't usually get involved with things such as this, but I gotta just say this...

I have a real problem with someone who pulls childish sh*t like giving the silent treatment, giving the ol' stink eye and, basically, not just coming foward like an adult and voicing whatever the hell is stuck in their craw. I also have a problem with the idea that a man has to somehow plead his case to his better half, as if she is judge, jury and executioner....as if they must be sold on a given idea and then give a man "permission" to do whatever it is they want to do. In many cases that may be the reality, but a man's goal in life is to find a woman who doesn't act this way....and who is gorgeous.

I've blown through one marriage. Let it be known however that the first one was reduced to ashes simply because I made the mistake of marrying an 18 year old girl who turned out to be a complete and total whore. Go figure. Marriage number two has been pefect since day/date number one, and for quite a number of years now. Why? Because we each respect one another. And, I keep her very comfortable, very satisfied and very happy. So when it comes to my endeavors such as cigars, libations, boats, cars, fishing gear, etc., she gives me no problem. If there were a legitimate concern on her part about something I was doing, she's adult enough to come to me and say, "You know papi, I really am concerned and feel that...." When she does that, I listen to her and respect her opinion and generally, for the most part, adapt accordingly because I know she wouldn't have come to me in the first place if it weren't really something near and dear to her. Compromise on some things, respect always.

The bottom line of all this? I don't know fella...you gotta NOT cave in immediately simply because your gal gets something up her rear end and then decides to sulk about it. Maybe she's concerned about you, maybe she's just trying to change you. That is a goal of many women after all. So which is it? Well, go to her and tell her that you'd appreciate being treated like an adult and that you'd like her to act like one too. The secret to a happy life is finding a gal who can do this. And then, keep her happy. By the grace of God, I did on round number two. But from the sounds of it...getting "pissed," acting childish as she has, to me that doesn't smack so much of geniune concern than it does she's just trying to get you to do what she wants you to do...for her sake, not yours. Now, if this were a scenario where's she's been begging you to stop for years and years, and you've blown through one promise after another, that's a little different. But as it sounds now...I'd stick to my guns.
 
AVB said:
Change the locks, time to go fishing.
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*Addendum to my post above....

I was kinda assuming that you want to keep this chick around. Personally, I'd select Ray's (AVB's) method. It might be far easier, far less time consuming and, definitely, far less-likely to have be dealt with again down the road.
 
Well guys, it seems as if she may have realized that she overreacted. She talked to her mother today and her mother even advised her that there are just some things in life that you have to trust your partner with. Her dad smokes cigars, maybe a couple a week tops. Her mother has accepted the fact and even compared me to her husband, which I felt rather honored to hear (he's a hell of a man, and father).

She has a valid point that he and I are very intense people and we really get into our relaxation methods, albeit different. For example, I fly aerobatic remote control helicopters (known as 3d), which many not seem very intense, but really is once you get into it. I get into things hard and fast. I have 4 of the damn things, now. So when I get into something I like, I go balls deep.

I think she equated that mentality with smoking on a very regular basis, not just getting into smoking quality cigars, and collecting.

So Mom's in my corner and I got an apology tonight. I promised that it wouldnt' get out of hand and all is well...
 
:thumbs:

BTW, that is some grown up advice in MC's post. Going on 15 years here and this man speaks the truth.

Wilkey
 
Others have already said it. MC most eloquently, here's my 2 cents.

This is not about you smoking cigars, it's about you doing something she does not like...IMHO She should be happy when something makes you happy.

Hopefully her mother has enlightened her to the fact that if she loves you, let it go.

I have been happily married for 28 years, In fact, it has gotten better over time...do you know why? Read the second line above. :whistling:

At the end of the day, you have to make the decision but you did post in an open forum for comment and that's what you are getting.

Good luck.

Brian
 
MiamiCubano said:
AVB said:
Change the locks, time to go fishing.
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.......... Personally, I'd select Ray's (AVB's) method. It might be far easier, far less time consuming and, definitely, far less-likely to have be dealt with again down the road.
Click to expand...

Not to mention cheaper, and..... the money you save can buy more cigars to go with the new boat. (how else you expect to go fishing?) :thumbs: Call me when the new boat arrives and I'll bring the cigars. :cool:
 
I bust in to uncontrollable laughter when my chick asks me to stop smoking cigars.
 
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