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Anyone have Breakup/Relationship Help avail?

A

audilicious

New Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2007
Messages
577
It's now almost a month into my 8+ year girlfriend, best friend, soul mate leaving me.

I've tried everything, nothing has worked. And I found out today from her that she's been dating.

It hasn't even been a month yet! WAPCE

So if anyone has anything to help, I'd love to hear it. I've read damn near every book, and ebook, talked to the wisest of my friends and family, and there really is nothing that has helped.
 
Kyle - Sorry to hear this; not an easy thing to deal with... It all depends on why she left you... Hard to help w/o knowing all of the details. Whatever happened, maybe you should try to see her in person and tell her how you feel. That's the best advice I can give. I'm a firm believer in fate. Things always happen for a reason. Good luck, and I hope everything works out...
 
Kyle, sorry to hear that bro. Really every relationship is different. The only thing I can say is " If it is meant to be she will be back." If you start dating and stuff yourself, that might help. Good luck.
 
I'll fill in more when I get home.

I've gotten to see her once in person, laid out everything, but she's in this denial mode, like a broken record running in her head. "not in love, haven't been, need to move on, my mind's made up" repeating everytime I start to break down her walls.

She's angry because I repeatedly broke her heart, never appreciated her, called names, focused anger at others on her.

I've now had my moment of clarity, and have been touched through all of this. I haven't touched drugs or alcohol, I don't get mad, I've been using the sedona method and it's amazing.

I've dumped her before and she never quit on me, never stopped with the calls, the letters, the text msg's, never ever gave up. Now after we were in love, the morning of we made each other glow with small gestures and comments, but I called her selfish, and she snapped, like I seriously broker her, and now she's malfunctioning.

i was going to propose later this year and marry her early next, but it's like I scared her or something, I really don't know.

Also need to add, that she's never been angry in her life, and is saying she's not angry. But everything she's doing is anger, yet trying to wear a smile to everyone.
 
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better immediately.

She has made up her mind. Do not take it personally, and let her find what she believes is her happiness.

You take the time to learn more about yourself. How you can be a more self complete person.

Do the things you've always wanted to do.

We all have our beliefs, ideas, and ideals concerning life. Take your time and surround yourself with like minded people.

If you believe in a supreme being, learn to meditate.
 
Kyle, the only thing I can offer is hope that being apart will make her realize what she is missing. Look at it this way . . . if she has her mind made up and she is done, there is nothing you can do about it. If time apart makes her realize that she loves you and wants to be with you, then use the time in between to try and overcome your own shortcomings in the relationship.

Above all though, honesty and communication is key. You said you laid it all out on the table, so I hope you openness and time will bring her back my friend.
 
Kyle,

It's not easy to lose someone we love. I've been in love one other time in my life, and I got over it by realizing that I couldn't control someone else's feelings for me. I couldn't make my ex love me like I loved her, and if she didn't want to be with me...well there's someone out there that wants to be with me. I dated my ex for 2 years, three weeks after we ended our relationship, I found my current girl friend. Jenn and I have been together ever since, going on 5 years. :)

Bro, there is always another person out there...you may not see it now, but realize that you can't control her. You need to focus on you and get yourself better. Smoke some cigars, enjoy some movies, hang out with firends, do whatever it tis you do to relax..and move on. There's another girl out there just waiting for Kyle.

Best of luck bro....if you need to, PM me.

-Aaron
 
Okay. All this other stuff posted is crap. Cut her loose and move on. Don't contact her under any condition. If she contacts you, talk to her but don't contact her afterward. It's a hard thing but she may have already let it go. The only way to know for sure is for you to let it go. Let her persue you, if she doesn't it was done anyway.

NA
 
SamClemmons said:
Okay. All this other stuff posted is crap. Cut her loose and move on. Don't contact her under any condition. If she contacts you, talk to her but don't contact her afterward. It's a hard thing but she may have already let it go. The only way to know for sure is for you to let it go. Let her persue you, if she doesn't it was done anyway.

NA
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This. :thumbs:

You can't make someone love you back. Not everything you want is meant to be. And it only costs a dollar to have a nineteen year old hottie rub her ass in your face at a strip club. :whistling:

Move on. Learn. Abide.

~Boar
 
The more you try the less you will succeed. The less you try, the more you will succeed. To explain further, if you push someone you're only going to make them go further away (and faster). If you go on with your life and completely ignore that person (as NA has stated above), it will either drive them nuts and they'll come back, or you'll realize that person wasn't who you really wanted after all.

There's always a chase, just don't be the one chasin'! Dagnabbit!

It'll all work out bro, really it will.
 
Now I'm not the best person to give advice but to me the bolded portion says it all. After 8 years you can't decide then it was time to move on and she did.

audilicious said:
It's now almost a month into my 8+ year girlfriend, best friend, soul mate leaving me.
Click to expand...
 
audilicious said:
She's angry because I repeatedly broke her heart, never appreciated her, called names, focused anger at others on her.
Click to expand...
....so, what was the question?

It's time to move on. Immerse yourself in things you enjoy. Take a trip or two, see some new sights. Call an old friend or two or three. Get busy with your own life and let this pass, because, as Sam said:

SamClemmons said:
Okay. All this other stuff posted is crap. Cut her loose and move on. Don't contact her under any condition. If she contacts you, talk to her but don't contact her afterward. It's a hard thing but she may have already let it go. The only way to know for sure is for you to let it go. Let her persue you, if she doesn't it was done anyway.

NA
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...and that is the honest truth. The only thing you can bet on is change. If after eight years you are asking these types of questions, brother, it's time to turn the page and move on.

You asked; one man's opinion - B.B.S.
 
I also want to echo some of the later posts....you even said that she's already been dating.

She's obviously moved on and now it's time for you to move on.
 
"It [love] is like a cigar. If it goes out you can light it again, but it never tastes quite the same."
–Lord Wavell, British field marshal
 
You do realize this is a cigar BB you just posted this on right?

Strap your balls back on.....get off the computer..... and go get laid! She dumped you, move on to the next. Listen to Mr Clemmons very wise words.
 
Sorry ,it just sucks, move on. I wish I could add more but life is life and you can't change that.




It will hurt for a bit but you will find a way to move on.
 
I posted here, because I needed to hear some of this, good and bad, different angles from people here, people who I respect.

This isn't just a girlfriend, I guess some of you don't get that. And I'm realizing that if she's really dating already, not that you guys were involved in the conversation and how this all went down, then I really don't know if this would be a person who I want to be with anyway.

Thanks for the help from everyone, good bad or indifferent.

anyone else who wants to add, their thoughts and opinion's is more than welcome.
 
SamClemmons said:
Okay. All this other stuff posted is crap. Cut her loose and move on. Don't contact her under any condition. If she contacts you, talk to her but don't contact her afterward. It's a hard thing but she may have already let it go. The only way to know for sure is for you to let it go. Let her persue you, if she doesn't it was done anyway.

NA
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Did I just agree with Neal? huh...what he said

Melly
 
I hope this doesn't sound too cold... but my advice is: Don't ask relative strangers their opinion and advice on a relationship they know virtually nothing about. Oh yeah, and move on.
 
audilicious said:
I'll fill in more when I get home.

I've gotten to see her once in person, laid out everything, but she's in this denial mode, like a broken record running in her head. "not in love, haven't been, need to move on, my mind's made up" repeating everytime I start to break down her walls.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it's been a month, and she's dating. You probably shouldn't be chasing her down and trying to convince her she still loves you. I foresee restraining orders in your future...

audilicious said:
She's angry because I repeatedly broke her heart, never appreciated her, called names, focused anger at others on her.
Click to expand...

As you've clearly stated, this is probably a good indicator of why after 8+ years, she left you. You took her for granted, broke her down emotionally, second guessed her worth, and verbally abused her. I fail to see why you're asking for advice that can undo 8 years of you acting like a jerk and magically bring her back to a point where she loves you and wants to spend the rest of her days with you?

audilicious said:
I've now had my moment of clarity, and have been touched through all of this. I haven't touched drugs or alcohol, I don't get mad, I've been using the sedona method and it's amazing.
Click to expand...
Good! Were you using them while in this relationship with her?

audilicious said:
I've dumped her before and she never quit on me, never stopped with the calls, the letters, the text msg's, never ever gave up. Now after we were in love, the morning of we made each other glow with small gestures and comments, but I called her selfish, and she snapped, like I seriously broker her, and now she's malfunctioning.
Click to expand...

I don't think she's malfunctioning based on the behavioral patterns you established towards her for the past 8 years. If anything, she's finally got her head right and is functioning normally. You can only beat a loyal dog so long until it leaves you, friend.

audilicious said:
Also need to add, that she's never been angry in her life, and is saying she's not angry. But everything she's doing is anger, yet trying to wear a smile to everyone.
Click to expand...

Is it probable that you are the one who is actually angry that she has finally left you? I mean, you gotta look at that possibility. Of your own volition, you weren't exactly Prince Charming to her...

All I can say is give her some space. Like, seriously. You may be doing good as far as drugs and alcohol, but all it takes is one angry evening when you're filled with booze to get yourself slapped with a domestic charge (243(e)(1) PC or 273.5 PC, a mandatory arrest offense), a threats charge (422 PC, a felony), or an annoying phone calls charge (653M PC, a misdemeanor). Not to mention, if you freak her enough, she can get a restraining order. Here in Cali, they hand them out like candy my friend.

Just take a break from it. It's been a month, she's dating, she's trying to move on. Work on unscrewing yourself, and if it doesn't happen between you two, well then you have learned how not to act in your next relationship... :angry:
 
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