Awkward situation

[wrz0170]

I am being put in a awkward situation and it happens to be cigar related. I live in a townhouse community with 4 units to a group.

There is nothing more now that I enjoy than sitting out on my back deck with a finger or two of scotch and a new stogie that I am trying out. My immediate neighbors and I have an understanding that if they were sitting out on their deck with their little one or if they would make a polite gesture that the smoke is bothering her asthma, I would immediately take it to the front or put it out altogether. We are good that way and we are almost like family.

However, the neighbors next to them are not as nice. Matter of fact, we don't like them because they believe the world revolves around them and they are the only ones that matter in the neighborhood. To put it delicately, they are assholes. We only do the curteous hellos and meaningless chit chat to keep neighborhood relations.

Anway, I just found out that they are going to approach me to ask that I not smoke at all on my deck because the smoke goes into their house, because they keep their patio door open all day, even when they are not home.

They haven't approached me yet and I'm trying to calm down enough :angry: to formulate a game plan to tactfully and diplomatically handle these people.

My initial knee jerk reaction is f*#k you, it's my home, my deck and I will do what I want........but also in the interest of diplomatic relations......

Has anyone else had to deal with something similiar and if so, how did you handle it?

I guess our hobby is not the easiest, uh?

 

[Infinity]

This is crazy. :0

Smoking is banned in so many places but cannot be
banned in your own home, your deck being part of that home.
Sure, diplomacy is always good but then what? You have to
travel away from your home to smoke, that is BS!

Coincidently, last night on 20/20 they were discussing
myths and beliefs. It was concluded that second hand smoke
cannot do you any harm exposed for say 20 minutes. If you
live in the center of a large city, you are more likely to
die from pollution.

I hope you sort this out amicably because if not and I were you,
I would be moving or, set a plan in motion to get them to move.

Brian

 

[theorangeman]

If I were your neighbor and didn't smoke cigars, I'd probably feel similarly (as you might as well). However, not being allowed to smoke on your own patio doesn't sound right. If I were you, and that was my "smoking place", I just don't think I'd bend a whole lot. Maybe you can compromise with them a bit. Perhaps they could close their windows for that hour that you smoke or you could buy them a case of febreeze. :laugh:

They don't have much leverage as I see it, so make sure you keep the upper hand. You would probably rather not have unhappy neighbors, but in a tactful way I would let them know that it's well within your rights to smoke there (although you're open to a little compromise, if it makes sense). However, again, I would make sure that they understand you don't HAVE to do anything but will try to make a few concessions (if you're willing) to be a good neighbor. That way, it's seen as though you're doing them a favor and not because you had to do anything. Just a little negotiation

Oh, then over time I'd recommend smoking a little more and a little more to the point where you're slowly back to where you are now and they've just grown to accept it. A little strategic negotiation and manipulation might help you out in this situation :laugh:

 

[Josh]

You can't please everyone. I'd politely suggest that they shut the door when they aren't home. They might as well stick a flashing 'rob me' sign on their roof doing that anyway.

 

[ggiese]

The problem with living in a townhome is the homerowner's association. If you have a group of likeminded individuals, they'll legislate the crap out of you. Example - a friend of mine owns two of the nicest, well behaved Rottweiler's you'd ever want to meet. A group of neighbors viewed them as "dangerous" and had the homeowner's association enact covenants prohibiting "dangerous" dogs. He was served notice they would have to get rid of his dogs... After much fighting, and the intervention of an attorney (costly), the homeowner's association allowed him to keep his dogs - but there will be no other "dangerous" dogs allowed in the complex.

I sense your neighbor is just like a woman I work with. The woman is nuts. She smells cigar smoke on me and locks herself in her office. She says it makes her physically ill because she is "deathly" allergic to cigar smoke. Of course - she's "deathly" allergic to just about everything, including work, but that's another story...

Unfortunately, go into negotiations with the idea of being a nice guy from the perspective of presenting a case to the larger community. Most likely at some point the numbnuts family will petition the homeowner's association for resolution - think in those terms from the outset. If you negotiate anything, put it in writing, even if it's only proposals. That way it appears you're being the nice guy, and they're being the asses. Be polite and business like. Don't let your emotions get the better of you.

 

[wrz0170]

The problem with living in a townhome is the homerowner's association. If you have a group of likeminded individuals, they'll legislate the crap out of you. Example - a friend of mine owns two of the nicest, well behaved Rottweiler's you'd ever want to meet. A group of neighbors viewed them as "dangerous" and had the homeowner's association enact covenants prohibiting "dangerous" dogs. He was served notice they would have to get rid of his dogs... After much fighting, and the intervention of an attorney (costly), the homeowner's association allowed him to keep his dogs - but there will be no other "dangerous" dogs allowed in the complex.

I sense your neighbor is just like a woman I work with. The woman is nuts. She smells cigar smoke on me and locks herself in her office. She says it makes her physically ill because she is "deathly" allergic to cigar smoke. Of course - she's "deathly" allergic to just about everything, including work, but that's another story...

Unfortunately, go into negotiations with the idea of being a nice guy from the perspective of presenting a case to the larger community. Most likely at some point the numbnuts family will petition the homeowner's association for resolution - think in those terms from the outset. If you negotiate anything, put it in writing, even if it's only proposals. That way it appears you're being the nice guy, and they're being the asses. Be polite and business like. Don't let your emotions get the better of you.

Hi George,

Well the nice part is that I/we as a community do not have an association to answer to. I know what you speak of because of when I lived in a condominium community. Where I live, can/could be a free for all. I could have a giant herf and they legally cannot do anything. LOL

Diplomatic means is another animal.

Cigar persecution has to stop! lol

You can't please everyone. I'd politely suggest that they shut the door when they aren't home. They might as well stick a flashing 'rob me' sign on their roof doing that anyway.

I agree about leaving the door open, that is inviting disaster, well aside from cigar smoke.

See, these are the type of people that get you angry enough that you just want light up all the time now, just to piss them off because you can.

Then the diplomatic side says, try a little compromise.

It really is the Angel and Devil on the shoulders

 

[BrewMeister]

Sounds like you need to fire up the grill before you smoke a cigar throw a little bit of wet stink wood on the coals for about a 2 hour fish smoking session every-other day.

Then the a$$holes will be glad when you "just light up a cigar" on the deck.

That would be my diplomatic solution...

 

[bmickey9]

Sounds like you need to fire up the grill before you smoke a cigar throw a little bit of wet stink wood on the coals for about a 2 hour fish smoking session every-other day.

Then the a$$holes will be glad when you "just light up a cigar" on the deck.

That would be my diplomatic solution...

Best idea I've read so far! There are things worse than cigar smoke. I would make them aware of that fact.

 

[Hillbilly Steaks]

This is the problem with living near people. YOu just have to make sacrifices. Your neighbors I mean. They just have to deal with it.

 

[dead_man]

Where I live, I've got two acres to myself, and the next house is a quarter mile away, so I don't have to worry about it. How far away are they from your house?

 

[wrz0170]

Where I live, I've got two acres to myself, and the next house is a quarter mile away, so I don't have to worry about it. How far away are they from your house?

They are two doors down from us. Of course, this is the same guy who mows is f-ing lawn 4 times a week (literally) and always at dinner time. So talk about not enjoying your meal. This is all summer long.

The evil side of me wants to plan a herf.......

 

[dead_man]

Where I live, I've got two acres to myself, and the next house is a quarter mile away, so I don't have to worry about it. How far away are they from your house?

They are two doors down from us. Of course, this is the same guy who mows is f-ing lawn 4 times a week (literally) and always at dinner time. So talk about not enjoying your meal. This is all summer long.

The evil side of me wants to plan a herf.......

If I could, I'd be there for the herf in a heartbeat :} when you see him coming, you should light a big one up, maybe he won't come near you.

 

[puros_bran]

diplomatic reply?????? what the f&*k..........i say we all head over to the bro's house and herf on the deck for the weekend. We'll call it the obnoxious smokers v/s the whacho left (your killing me with your second hand smoke even though the only place you can smoke anymore is in your closet on the northside of the house on odd numbered tuesdays if its raining and jupiter is aligned with saturn) wingers herf

 

[Ginseng]

How far is Bethlehem form Delaware. I'd come to your herf.

I would try to be nice and negotiate with them first as has been advised above. Barring that, simply do what you should be allowed to do once you bought and paid for that house.

Wilkey

 

[wrz0170]

How far is Bethlehem form Delaware. I'd come to your herf.

I would try to be nice and negotiate with them first as has been advised above. Barring that, simply do what you should be allowed to do once you bought and paid for that house.

Wilkey

Depends where at in Delaware....My future SIL lives in Seaford and it takes us/her about 3.5 or so to get there.

I don't mind compromise and trying to accomodate, when you do it in a civil and polite way. What is killing me is that he is an a$$hole and has to use his wife to do his dirty work. He can't even tell me himself!

diplomatic reply?????? what the f&*k..........i say we all head over to the bro's house and herf on the deck for the weekend. We'll call it the obnoxious smokers v/s the whacho left (your killing me with your second hand smoke even though the only place you can smoke anymore is in your closet on the northside of the house on odd numbered tuesdays if its raining and jupiter is aligned with saturn) wingers herf

cigar persecution!

 

[moki]

How about you kindly suggest that they shut their fucking door?

 

[ggiese]

Hi George,

Well the nice part is that I/we as a community do not have an association to answer to. I know what you speak of because of when I lived in a condominium community. Where I live, can/could be a free for all. I could have a giant herf and they legally cannot do anything. LOL

Diplomatic means is another animal.

Cigar persecution has to stop! lol

Oh REALLY... Smoke to your hearts content - and them some - just make sure to smile at 'em when they give you the evil stares....

Also - you might want to enter into a discussion of how bad cigar smoke is for the environment - vs. how bad lawn mower exhaust is. Let them know you're not ruining the ozone layer like they are...

You also might want to clue them into the fact that your psychiatrist recommended you find a soothing and relaxing way of reducing your stress because he was concerned about your emotional state - and smoking an occasional cigar is it for you. Otherwise it's back to cleaning firearms... And drop this line as you wrap up your conversation - "Oh, and by the way - not to change the subject - but I just read that firearms kill more people each year than second hand smoke!"

 

[gandolf565]

Be careful about what you do... some communities (housing developments) have some very broad and vague rules concerning behavior and the like. A trip to the neighborhood committee by a pissed of neighbor can cause a lot of trouble.

 

[CoventryCat86]

If you're doing something that is not illegal or does not violate any association rules then you are free to do it. If someone doesn't like it, tough shit. If they approach you with this ridiculous request I would suggest that you not even dignify this insanity with a response, ignore them completely.

I would never ask someone near me to stop doing something that is perfectly legal just because I don't like it. If I don't like what they're doing then I have to deal with it.

There's no need here for "dipolmacy" or "compromise" by the same logic that you don't negotiate with terrorists.

 

[Shooter]

Screw'em.... Go buy a smoker/grill and fire that thing up every day like brewmeister said.... This is most ridiculous thing I have heard of... If they don't like the smoke, tell them to open up the front windows and close the patio. You're the king of your castle. Man things like that just piss me off... That or buy a fire pit and have that thing roaring every night.. Geeze the gall of people these days... They think that it's all about them..

I mean sometimes I get off work late at night and sleep during the day and my neighbors kids play outside yelling and what not. I am not gonna go tell him to not let his kids play, I go get a set of ear plugs and go back to sleep.. Tell the guy to find a solution.. For one if you don't like them to begin with, it would be different if I was friends with em... Oh well hope it works out for ya....