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**** Edicion Limitada ****
- Thread starter 57Strat
- Start date
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I
used some horrible language this week and feel
absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this
awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing
and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was
going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line
that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight
down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel
ran out of the bushes
and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run
away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior
again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel
was running, an eagle
came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his
talons and began to
fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away
in its talons, it flew
near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming
impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over
the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped
about six inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the
****ing putt, didn't you?"
used some horrible language this week and feel
absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this
awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing
and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was
going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line
that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight
down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel
ran out of the bushes
and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run
away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior
again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel
was running, an eagle
came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his
talons and began to
fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away
in its talons, it flew
near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming
impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over
the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped
about six inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the
****ing putt, didn't you?"
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On our wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, here - try these on." So, she did and said, "these are to big. I can't wear them." So I replied, "exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will. Ever since that night we've never had any problems".
'Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks over his father's advice for several days.
Then, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here, try these on."
So she does and says, "These are too large, Jack. They don't fit me."
Jack says, "Exactly right. I wear the pants in this family, and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
After that comment, Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says "Here you go try on mine."
So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants."
Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."
'Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks over his father's advice for several days.
Then, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here, try these on."
So she does and says, "These are too large, Jack. They don't fit me."
Jack says, "Exactly right. I wear the pants in this family, and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
After that comment, Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says "Here you go try on mine."
So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants."
Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
I'm on a roll...LMAO
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabiths?"
And the shopkeeper gets down one his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, bends forward and says, "I don't fink my pyfon gives a ****!"
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabiths?"
And the shopkeeper gets down one his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, bends forward and says, "I don't fink my pyfon gives a ****!"
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
One more...
A Mafia Godfather finds out that one of his underlings has screwed him out of ten million bucks. This underling happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the underling, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the underling where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The underling signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the underling's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The underling signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
A Mafia Godfather finds out that one of his underlings has screwed him out of ten million bucks. This underling happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the underling, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the underling where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The underling signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the underling's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The underling signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Horse
Member 200
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2001
- Messages
- 2,981
Sad but true....
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out in the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that this was the time the cock fights occurred in the village.
So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the alter boys stood up.
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out in the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that this was the time the cock fights occurred in the village.
So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the alter boys stood up.
Well, Tom and Lena went to the same Baptist Church. Lena went every Sunday, and taught Sunday School. Tom went on Christmas and Easter and once in a while, he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, Tom leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?"
"Yeah, Tom, that would be nice," said Lena.
Well now, Tom couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his F150 Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in Dallas. When they sat down, Tom looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Tom," said Lena. "What vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Tom was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a Cuban Hoyo. "Hey, Lena," said Tom, "would you like an after dinner smoke?"
"Oh, no, Tom," said Lena. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Tom was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his Ford and was driving Lena home when they passed the Days Inn Motel. Tom, figuring he had struck out twice already, so he thought he had nothing to lose said, "Hey, Lena, how would you like to stop at that motel with me?"
"Yeah, Tom, that would be nice," said Lena.
Well, you could have knocked Tom over with a feather, he couldn't believe his luck. He did a quick U-turn, right then and there, rubber nburnin, right across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Lena.
The next morning Tom got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed with her lovely red hair spread across the pillow.
Tom began to lament, "Oh Lena, what have I done? What have I done?"
He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you one thing," said Tom. "What are you going to tell the Sunday School class?"
Lena said, "The same thing I always tell them. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"
"Yeah, Tom, that would be nice," said Lena.
Well now, Tom couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his F150 Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in Dallas. When they sat down, Tom looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Tom," said Lena. "What vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Tom was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a Cuban Hoyo. "Hey, Lena," said Tom, "would you like an after dinner smoke?"
"Oh, no, Tom," said Lena. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Tom was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his Ford and was driving Lena home when they passed the Days Inn Motel. Tom, figuring he had struck out twice already, so he thought he had nothing to lose said, "Hey, Lena, how would you like to stop at that motel with me?"
"Yeah, Tom, that would be nice," said Lena.
Well, you could have knocked Tom over with a feather, he couldn't believe his luck. He did a quick U-turn, right then and there, rubber nburnin, right across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Lena.
The next morning Tom got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed with her lovely red hair spread across the pillow.
Tom began to lament, "Oh Lena, what have I done? What have I done?"
He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you one thing," said Tom. "What are you going to tell the Sunday School class?"
Lena said, "The same thing I always tell them. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"
Remember those days?
At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there.
They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
For 95 points: Which tire?
At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there.
They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
For 95 points: Which tire?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt" Now you can handle the situation.
Jack was the only son of Awe Schitt and Owe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married Owe Schitt, the proprietor of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc.
In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple had six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents will, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock and, because her children were still living with them she kept her previous name. She was then known as NoeSchitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The local newspapers duly announced the Schitt-Happens weddings. The Schitt-Happens children were named Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new wife, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says,"You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them because you know his whole family and life story
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt" Now you can handle the situation.
Jack was the only son of Awe Schitt and Owe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married Owe Schitt, the proprietor of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc.
In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple had six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents will, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock and, because her children were still living with them she kept her previous name. She was then known as NoeSchitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The local newspapers duly announced the Schitt-Happens weddings. The Schitt-Happens children were named Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new wife, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says,"You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them because you know his whole family and life story
57Strat
...................
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
You guy's are a trip.......
Cigar selection:
Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido 00
Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido 99
Davidoff No.1 89
Davidoff 3000 89
Diplomaticos No.7 85
Dunhill Atados 88 (2 cigars)
Dunhill Flor Del Punto 70s
ERDM Lonsdale 84
ERDM Grandes de Espana 86
Festival de Habanos 2000 Marevas
Fonseca No.1 93
Gispert Corona 85
H. Upmann Super Corona 01 (2 Cigars)
La Escepcion Longo 84 (Jose Gener/band)
LGC Sabroso 84
Montecristo "B" 99
Montecristo Millennium Reserve Robusto 99
Partagas 155 Ann. Dalias
Partagas 155 Ann. Lusitania
Partagas 155 Ann. Robusto Extra
Partagas President 79
Punch DC Cabinet 94
Ramon Allones Ideales 60s
RyJ Prince of Wales 01 (2 Cigars)
RyJ Celestiales Fino 79
RyJ Churchill (Tube) 89
RyJ 125th Ann. Figurado
Trinidad Fundadore
RyJ LE Churchill 01
*************************************
AF Best Seller Maduro (Unreleased)
AF. Untold Story (2 Cigars)
Opus X Phantom (Unreleased)
Opus X 666 (Unreleased)
Diamond Crown No.6 Maduro (Unreleased)
VSG Estate Reserve Torpedo
VSG Estate Reserve Enchantment
Padron Millennium Maduro
Padron Millennium Natural
Partagas 150 Don Ramon (No cello)
Cigar selection:
Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido 00
Cuaba Millennium Reserve Distinguido 99
Davidoff No.1 89
Davidoff 3000 89
Diplomaticos No.7 85
Dunhill Atados 88 (2 cigars)
Dunhill Flor Del Punto 70s
ERDM Lonsdale 84
ERDM Grandes de Espana 86
Festival de Habanos 2000 Marevas
Fonseca No.1 93
Gispert Corona 85
H. Upmann Super Corona 01 (2 Cigars)
La Escepcion Longo 84 (Jose Gener/band)
LGC Sabroso 84
Montecristo "B" 99
Montecristo Millennium Reserve Robusto 99
Partagas 155 Ann. Dalias
Partagas 155 Ann. Lusitania
Partagas 155 Ann. Robusto Extra
Partagas President 79
Punch DC Cabinet 94
Ramon Allones Ideales 60s
RyJ Prince of Wales 01 (2 Cigars)
RyJ Celestiales Fino 79
RyJ Churchill (Tube) 89
RyJ 125th Ann. Figurado
Trinidad Fundadore
RyJ LE Churchill 01
*************************************
AF Best Seller Maduro (Unreleased)
AF. Untold Story (2 Cigars)
Opus X Phantom (Unreleased)
Opus X 666 (Unreleased)
Diamond Crown No.6 Maduro (Unreleased)
VSG Estate Reserve Torpedo
VSG Estate Reserve Enchantment
Padron Millennium Maduro
Padron Millennium Natural
Partagas 150 Don Ramon (No cello)
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
One for my lineage...
A couple attending an Art exhibition was looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts three very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; two have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis. As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist, an Irishman, walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I`m the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don`t understand why you have three African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have a black penis."
The artist says, "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They`re not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."
A couple attending an Art exhibition was looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts three very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; two have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis. As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist, an Irishman, walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I`m the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don`t understand why you have three African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have a black penis."
The artist says, "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They`re not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist’s office.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us have sex?”
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said,
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,” and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
“We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. Embassy Suites charges $ 147. We do it here for $50, ....and get $43 back from Medicare.”
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us have sex?”
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said,
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,” and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
“We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. Embassy Suites charges $ 147. We do it here for $50, ....and get $43 back from Medicare.”
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying ''Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!'' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?''
''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.''
''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
''Why did you do that?''
''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.''
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
''What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
''Well, sure,'' says the patrolman. ''But you can't bait 'em.''
''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?''
''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.''
''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
''Why did you do that?''
''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.''
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
''What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
''Well, sure,'' says the patrolman. ''But you can't bait 'em.''
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,987
I think people should stop sending me jokes, I don't have time to post them all on this contest..LMAO
So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side!"
So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side!"
OK, had to point this out to save Mark some major embarrasment in "coming out" later on. Notice Matt's last joke before Horse's last post where he says "BIG DROOL". :sign: :sign: :sign: :0
FYI: I'm ROTFLMFAO and Mark you may wanna go back and edit just WHAT YOU'RE DROOLING OVER!!!!!!! :sign: :sign: :lookup:
Sorry, smart ass MF'in Worm.... LMAO!!!
:0 FYI: I'm ROTFLMFAO and Mark you may wanna go back and edit just WHAT YOU'RE DROOLING OVER!!!!!!! :sign: :sign: :lookup:
Sorry, smart ass MF'in Worm....
LMAO!!!