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I'm so damn clever

Gonz

Gonz

Ultra Runner
Joined
Mar 18, 2005
Messages
4,842
Location
St. Paul
Well, since someone else stole my great idea of starting a poll for my secret santa target, I had to make up for it with my "complaint" letter to Sam Adams. The handle tore out of my 12-pack last night, and one of the bottles exploded when it landed. So here it is:

A tragedy has occurred!!! I was carrying my Winter Classics sampler 12-pack into the house when the handle tore out of the side, the box dropped, and one of my two Fezziwig Ales smashed into a billion pieces (and the poor beer didn't stand a chance against my garage floor). After drying my tears and drowning my sorrows with the other Fezziwig Ale, I decided I should check the website to see if I can be compensated for this travesty of packaging.





Does anyone else have any great clever anecdotes?
 
Good luck on that one Andy! ;)

I had a similiar event deer hunting last year. Stopped at a bar on the way up (not even sure why I did that), but when I opened the back of the Expedition, my 12 pack of bottles hit the pavement...one survived. I never thought of contacting the company to complain about the lack of impact absorbtion in their cardboard carrying device!
 
It is a clear and well accepted doctrine of consumer and common law that by simply selling a product you warrant it with an unwritten "warranty of merchantability" that is, that it is simply worthy of being sold. When a product is so specifically and uniquely suited to one task and one task alone, the make and seller of said product would be held to an even higher standard of unwritten warranties. That is, the warranty of "fitness for a particular purpose." The cardboard carrying case you sell as part of the package with your winter specialty packs are clearly sold for one purpose only! Indeed, seeing as the product inside is packaged in fragile glass bottles, one does not need to be a lawyer to see that it is CRUCIAL that it does indeed complete this task perfectly.
Ah, well, without going into a long and drawn out explanation of rights and duties in the retail world, and the fact that it costs twenty times more to get a new customer than to keep an existing one happy, and the well accepted concept that a thousand happy customers say nothing, and one angry one says everything, I will sum up my letter with my final thought:
You assholes owe me two beers.

DISCLAIMER: I am not licensed to practive law in your state (unless you live in Connecticut.) And even if you live in CT, the above was not intended as the practice of law or the giving of any legal advice, but indeed only a comical way to end a too-long day.
No attorney-client relationship exists, was offered, nor should be assumed.
 
I'll assume you did the right thing and played "Taps" while lowering your flag to half-staff.

I don't remember accidentally dropping a bottle (and if I did, I might be repressing the memory), but one time my mom asked if she could take one of my bottles of New Castle to marinate some steaks in (a process she usually does with a cheap Coors or Bud). I had to tell her no, that the beer in question is not for marinating. I could tell she was slightly put-off by my refusal, but when I confered with my brother he supported me. "She doesn't understand." He told me.
 
smokelaw1 said:
It is a clear and well accepted doctrine of consumer and common law that by simply selling a product you warrant it with an unwritten "warranty of merchantability" that is, that it is simply worthy of being sold. When a product is so specifically and uniquely suited to one task and one task alone, the make and seller of said product would be held to an even higher standard of unwritten warranties. That is, the warranty of "fitness for a particular purpose." The cardboard carrying case you sell as part of the package with your winter specialty packs are clearly sold for one purpose only! Indeed, seeing as the product inside is packaged in fragile glass bottles, one does not need to be a lawyer to see that it is CRUCIAL that it does indeed complete this task perfectly.
Ah, well, without going into a long and drawn out explanation of rights and duties in the retail world, and the fact that it costs twenty times more to get a new customer than to keep an existing one happy, and the well accepted concept that a thousand happy customers say nothing, and one angry one says everything, I will sum up my letter with my final thought:
You assholes owe me two beers.

DISCLAIMER: I am not licensed to practive law in your state (unless you live in Connecticut.) And even if you live in CT, the above was not intended as the practice of law or the giving of any legal advice, but indeed only a comical way to end a too-long day.
No attorney-client relationship exists, was offered, nor should be assumed.
Click to expand...
Get that man on retainer!

Let's see, what's 2/3 of a case? :whistling: :laugh:

Wilkey
 
As a professional just offering an opinion in your area of expertise implies that the opinion is based on personal and professional experience. Thus if you are a lawyer we have an unwritten "good faith" agreement that your opinion is true and factual. If I am penalized for taking your professional advice you will be considered at least partially responsible. (In my world anyway :))


Howzat for negating your disclaimer?
 
AVB said:
As a professional just offering an opinion in your area of expertise implies that the opinion is based on personal and professional experience. Thus if you are a lawyer we have an unwritten "good faith" agreement that your opinion is true and factual. If I am penalized for taking your professional advice you will be considered at least partially responsible. (In my world anyway :))


Howzat for negating your disclaimer?
Click to expand...

Likely useless. Good reply though. It would be unreasonable on its face to act in accordance with a statment that is specifacally disclaimed and labled as a intended to be used only for comical purposes.


Ginseng said:
Get that man on retainer!

Let's see, what's 2/3 of a case? :whistling: :laugh:

Wilkey
Click to expand...

For my friends, I'll work no money (or beer) down, and will do this one for a 25% contingency. So, half a beer, if they accept our 2 beer restitution settlement demand.
If we take them to Beer Court, Woah Nelly...I'm looking at a half-keg at least.
 
What's the heirarchy of strict product liability? Duty to design away the defect, duty to guard against the defect, if no way to guard against defect then a duty to warn the consumer? I smell class action! 1 beer per customer would be better than those useless coupons you get in a real class action!!!

I would send a tagline "horrible accident...1 fatality"

smokelaw1 said:
AVB said:
As a professional just offering an opinion in your area of expertise implies that the opinion is based on personal and professional experience. Thus if you are a lawyer we have an unwritten "good faith" agreement that your opinion is true and factual. If I am penalized for taking your professional advice you will be considered at least partially responsible. (In my world anyway :))


Howzat for negating your disclaimer?
Click to expand...

Likely useless. Good reply though. It would be unreasonable on its face to act in accordance with a statment that is specifacally disclaimed and labled as a intended to be used only for comical purposes.


Ginseng said:
Get that man on retainer!

Let's see, what's 2/3 of a case? :whistling: :laugh:

Wilkey
Click to expand...

For my friends, I'll work no money (or beer) down, and will do this one for a 25% contingency. So, half a beer, if they accept our 2 beer restitution settlement demand.
If we take them to Beer Court, Woah Nelly...I'm looking at a half-keg at least.
Click to expand...
 
LOL! I can see the Tort-reform advocates headline already:

"Clients get one beer each, greedy lawyers are drunk off their asses"


How's school going?
 
smokelaw1 said:
Ginseng said:
Get that man on retainer!

Let's see, what's 2/3 of a case? :whistling: :laugh:

Wilkey
Click to expand...

For my friends, I'll work no money (or beer) down, and will do this one for a 25% contingency. So, half a beer, if they accept our 2 beer restitution settlement demand.
If we take them to Beer Court, Woah Nelly...I'm looking at a half-keg at least.
Click to expand...
Wow,

I'm having visions of a happier, funner world where settlements are measured in kegs and the loser has to do funnels.

I do believe I'd go back to school for my law degree. :D

Wilkey
 
Hopefully you didn't too many shards of glass in your tongue as you lapped up the damaged liquid from the garage floor LMAO
... why in the world would you stop at just 2 replacement beers you should be requesting a minimum of a replacement case the anquish and hardship alone is enough ;)
 
LMAO you can tell it’s a Friday here on CP. Aside from the smartassery if you actually wrote them nicely I’m sure they’d comp you a free case. I know miller hands those free case coupons out like there water.
 
I worked for a California-based company for a while (I live in FL). A couple of my co-workers were scheduled for a week of training, so they left early and spent the weekend doing the wine country tour. Late Sunday, after a long day of "touring", they returned to the hotel. Trying to reduce the number of trips from car to hotel room, my buddy tries to carry one bottle too many and it does not survive the impact with the parking lot. Of course, of all the bottles that could have potentially been dropped, it was THE PRIZE bottle of the trip ($50). From what I understand there was quite a bit of swearing.

About a month later we all went out for some additional training, I got to go along. They were all laughing and telling me the story on the plane. As luck would have it, we stayed in the same hotel. The giant red stain was still visible in the parking lot. We stood around it and had a little moment of silence.

While there was no fault of the packaging evident, clearly there is fault with the sales process. If the product is available for testing, the seller is eager for you to sample it and by sampling it, it renders you less capable of safely transporting your purchases...Is not the product to blame? I think so....
 
What the hell were you drinking that left a red stain on pavement a month later?
 
12_lost.jpg
 
A case of Bud Light is not a tragedy, maybe justice.

THIS is a tragedy

brokenbeer.jpg
 
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